Flamingochicken Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 (edited) Hi loves, I try to keep it short (still a girl tho) without not hiding any details as this might be important to get the whole story straight. So, I met a bartender a few weeks ago. I was a bit drunk and I giggly asked him to go to a party with me after his shift which he agreed on. We had fun, danced the night away and slept with each other. The next morning everything was fine. We chatted a bit on Facebook and he seemed really genuine. I write a lot of poetry and he wanted to know stuff about that and he said that he was impressed. He would give me long replies. Anyway since it's a bar I regularly visit I ran into him a lot. The other night I went home with him again. He confessed that he founded me attractive. Everything was going fine that day after. So, last week I ran into him at a different party. We got it going on and I ended up at his place. He was really drunk, so I took him home. His student flat (kitchen) was a mess so I decided to clean it as a nice gesture which he thanked me for. He then said that I left my beanie at his place (I had two so I forgot one) and that he was sure that I was aware of that (which I was not) since it was a old one and I could not be bothered to pick it up, I said, well you can throw it away, that's fine. The next day I was at his bar and I asked him if he wanted to smoke week and play some football someday. I think he got scared assuming I was asking him out on a date. I did not. However, he ignored me. Yesterday I was there as well and he was not working. Some of his co-workers brought me a back with my beanie in it with the words 'Paul (fake name) brought this in for you on Saturday' I was stunned, why would this guy just not let me know? Anyway. I was a bit drunk and then I found out he deleted me from Facebook and Snapchat. So, I sended him a very straightforward but angry message, to which he replied 'Shut the **** up, you are watse. Got no time. (yes, he made a grammar mistake) so I do not know whether he meant 'you are wasted' or waste, but probably the last one. I really called him out, calling him a prick, this and that and that I hated him. Obviously, this was done in a drunk state and I regret it A LOT as we were just cool! Just huge miscommunication from his side and overreacting from my side that led to this. How the hell do I recover from this? By that I mean - him and me? Like, he thinks I am some mad drunken girl, but honestly, I am not. It's just he has this weird impression of me that I want to get rid of and I just do not know how. Anyway, I apologised. He did not read it yet. Is it worth going to the bar and asking him to talk later on? Edited December 7, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs
Purepony Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Don’t do anything unless you want to look like a fool just move on and you should really limit yourself on drinking because it seems you don’t make wise decisions when you drink 2
ExpatInItaly Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Don't bother trying to talk to him again, no. My honest guess is that he's not totally single and some other girl found out about you and went off on him. So he cut you off and made you out to be the crazy one who won't leave him alone or something. Forget about him and don't worry about how he perceives you. He isn't worth your distress. 1
Author Flamingochicken Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 Why would that make me seem like a fool? Yes, honestly. This never happend to me - the whole getting mad while drunk, but then again, something like this never happend to me -while being drunk, except for last night. Like, advice is advice, but I just want to know how I can make it up - not neccesarily move on.
Author Flamingochicken Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 (edited) Well, he is still on Tinder (He is my match lol) so I guess he is still single, also - this whole thing just happend (the sex) less than one week ago, so I don't think he is seeing anyone. I just want to make it, still, really. I want to uhm state that I told him to throw away my beanie, but he never did. Just brought it in. I feel so like for overreacting like that, cause he was probably just being nice. Edited December 6, 2018 by Flamingochicken
ExpatInItaly Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Well, he is still on Tinder (He is my match lol) so I guess he is still single, also - this whole thing just happend (the sex) less than one week ago, so I don't think he is seeing anyone. I just want to make it, still, really. I want to uhm state that I told him to throw away my beanie, but he never did. Just brought it in. I feel so like for overreacting like that, cause he was probably just being nice. You have no clue if he's seeing or having sex with other girls, OP. If he's a single and even moderately attractive bartender, he probably has his pick of drunk chicks hitting on him. Whatever his reasons are, he's made it very clear he doesn't want to talk to you. This is why going to the bar to talk to him will make you look foolish; how will you feel it he tells you to scram? Or ignores you altogether? Keep in mind it's also his workplace. Don't be that patron that all the staff starts rolling their eyes at and snickering at. Even if you're not in the wrong, so to speak, bringing any hint of drama to his place of work is going to paint you in a negative light. You can't make something right with someone when they're not interested.
Purepony Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Why would that make me seem like a fool? Yes, honestly. This never happend to me - the whole getting mad while drunk, but then again, something like this never happend to me -while being drunk, except for last night. Like, advice is advice, but I just want to know how I can make it up - not neccesarily move on. The guy callled you a waste and told you to shut the f up, blocked you off social media and you still don’t get the hint?? What are you waiting for ? A good bye party ? A hug ? A settlement ? You’ll look like a fool because it’s clear he’s not into you or he’s not interested but you won’t go away His silence speaks volumes 2
Author Flamingochicken Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 Yeah. I know he is having sex with other girls, he told me. As I said, I wasn't seriously romantically interested in him, so I don't care about that. I don't want to bring the drama to his workplace either, just maybe after? I feel like i need to explain my behaviour
Author Flamingochicken Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 He did not block me. I think he threw me off Snapchat cause I was putting pictures of my night out with male friends on Snapchat. Also, I think he was drunk when he said that, as he made grammar mistakes. It's just, it all came out of a sudden and nothing happend for him to act like that - He confessed he finds me attractive and that is is sexual, but like so it is for me as well. I think he said **** up because I told him that he was a dick.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Don't do it unless you're okay with looking desperate.
Purepony Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 It sounds like you are pretty determined so go for it 1
d0nnivain Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 I got a completely different read on this. When you told him to throw out the beanie, you hurt his feelings. He thought things were more serious then you did. You thought this was casual while he may have been hoping for more. He liked the fact that you took care of him -- helping him home when he was drunk & cleaning his apartment. When you told him to toss the beanie he concluded that you didn't care enough about HIM to come pick up your hat. In that hurt state, when you asked about smoking weed he realized that you were using him for sex & he got mad, pouted you then deleted you. He was saying that you wasted his time. Even so he always intended to return the beanie to you because that is the kind of stand up guy he is. If you have any interest in dating him then you should talk to him. If you don't want to date him or try to build something with him, then leave him alone. Stay out of the bar where he works & leave him in peace. 1
stillafool Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 He did not block me. I think he threw me off Snapchat cause I was putting pictures of my night out with male friends on Snapchat. Also, I think he was drunk when he said that, as he made grammar mistakes. It's just, it all came out of a sudden and nothing happend for him to act like that - He confessed he finds me attractive and that is is sexual, but like so it is for me as well. I think he said **** up because I told him that he was a dick. You seem determined to come up with excuses why he treated you like dirt so go ahead and continue to chase him. You'll get the message sooner or later. Good luck. 2
Kelliousme Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 The guy callled you a waste and told you to shut the f up, blocked you off social media and you still don’t get the hint?? What are you waiting for ? A good bye party ? A hug ? A settlement ? You’ll look like a fool because it’s clear he’s not into you or he’s not interested but you won’t go away His silence speaks volumes ^^^^^^THIS OP, I don't get why you even bothered to text him, or apologize after going crazy on him lol. You let this happen. Any further contact would make you look desperate. So.. just ignore him, pretend he never existed, and move on.
smackie9 Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Just act like nothing happened...that's right, sweep it under the rug because TBH it was a one time thing, and now it's blown over. It's not like you are serious anyways so there is no need for any serious conversation. 1
Simple Logic Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Hi loves, I try to keep it short (still a girl tho) without not hiding any details as this might be important to get the whole story straight. So, I met a bartender a few weeks ago. I was a bit drunk and I giggly asked him to go to a party with me after his shift which he agreed on. We had fun, danced the night away and slept with each other. The next morning everything was fine. We chatted a bit on Facebook and he seemed really genuine. I write a lot of poetry and he wanted to know stuff about that and he said that he was impressed. He would give me long replies. Anyway since it's a bar I regularly visit I ran into him a lot. The other night I went home with him again. He confessed that he founded me attractive. Everything was going fine that day after. So, last week I ran into him at a different party. We got it going on and I ended up at his place. He was really drunk, so I took him home. His student flat (kitchen) was a mess so I decided to clean it as a nice gesture which he thanked me for. He then said that I left my beanie at his place (I had two so I forgot one) and that he was sure that I was aware of that (which I was not) since it was a old one and I could not be bothered to pick it up, I said, well you can throw it away, that's fine. The next day I was at his bar and I asked him if he wanted to smoke week and play some football someday. I think he got scared assuming I was asking him out on a date. I did not. However, he ignored me. Yesterday I was there as well and he was not working. Some of his co-workers brought me a back with my beanie in it with the words 'Paul (fake name) brought this in for you on Saturday' I was stunned, why would this guy just not let me know? Anyway. I was a bit drunk and then I found out he deleted me from Facebook and Snapchat. So, I sended him a very straightforward but angry message, to which he replied 'Shut the **** up, you are watse. Got no time. (yes, he made a grammar mistake) so I do not know whether he meant 'you are wasted' or waste, but probably the last one. I really called him out, calling him a prick, this and that and that I hated him. Obviously, this was done in a drunk state and I regret it A LOT as we were just cool! Just huge miscommunication from his side and overreacting from my side that led to this. How the hell do I recover from this? By that I mean - him and me? Like, he thinks I am some mad drunken girl, but honestly, I am not. It's just he has this weird impression of me that I want to get rid of and I just do not know how. Anyway, I apologised. He did not read it yet. Is it worth going to the bar and asking him to talk later on? I wouldnt classify this as a FWB because I can’t see where you were ever friends. 2
MaleIntuition Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 D0nnivans read is correct. If people where to turn off their gender stereotypes for a couple of seconds it’s fairly obvious, is it not? You never established the nature of your relationship; or did you explicitly tell him you weren’t looking for anything serious? 1
Purepony Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 (edited) I got a completely different read on this. When you told him to throw out the beanie, you hurt his feelings. He thought things were more serious then you did. You thought this was casual while he may have been hoping for more. He liked the fact that you took care of him -- helping him home when he was drunk & cleaning his apartment. When you told him to toss the beanie he concluded that you didn't care enough about HIM to come pick up your hat. In that hurt state, when you asked about smoking weed he realized that you were using him for sex & he got mad, pouted you then deleted you. He was saying that you wasted his time. Even so he always intended to return the beanie to you because that is the kind of stand up guy he is. If you have any interest in dating him then you should talk to him. If you don't want to date him or try to build something with him, then leave him alone. Stay out of the bar where he works & leave him in peace. I doubt it, I think at the most he wanted her to come get the hat to his place so he could pound one more time, if he really was a stand up guy he would have dropped it off himself without asking or at least apologize for his bad behavior plus what kind of a stand up guy tells a girl he likes he’s sleeping with others ?! I just hope he doesn’t pass out any stds Edited December 6, 2018 by Purepony
olivetree Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 All I see is that he treated you like crap and then you reacted in kind. Not sure why you feel the need to apologize or make up for anything when he treated you like dirt first. I can't tell if he was being accusatory or playful when he said you left your hat at his place on purpose. Even if he was being playful and was hurt that you told him to throw out the hat, deleting you from social media seems like a bit of an overreaction. Also, telling you to shut the eff up and calling you a waste (of space) is totally rude and uncalled for. If you do go after him to try to talk, it is coming from an insecure and desperate place where you want his validation. I'd stay away and find a different bar to hang out at too.
basil67 Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Before I make any comment, I've just got one question: What kind of relationship do you want with this guy?
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