guest569 Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 I think his comment "I'm looking for someone who knows what they want" just means he wants someone who straight up wants him and doesn't care to look elsewhere while dating him. It's hard to know where you stand now. Good communication is crucial but I would wait til you can talk in person about this rather than texting. He has just dropped it without agreeing on anything. If I were you, I would stop going over this same ground but just both establish where you are at with how you feel about each other and if you're seeing others etc. If things progress. In his shoes.. It would really disappoint me and raise a red flag if someone freaked out and hid their phone from me. You say you're trustworthy and that may be true but if a guy hid his phone from me it would definitely make me an insecure idiot,maybe not to his extent but I would be really hurt inside and assume the worst.. that he is sexting and dating others and doesn't want me to know. For you to then state "guys texting me" confirms the worst.
Author dancingintherain12 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 I think his comment "I'm looking for someone who knows what they want" just means he wants someone who straight up wants him and doesn't care to look elsewhere while dating him. It's hard to know where you stand now. Good communication is crucial but I would wait til you can talk in person about this rather than texting. He has just dropped it without agreeing on anything. If I were you, I would stop going over this same ground but just both establish where you are at with how you feel about each other and if you're seeing others etc. If things progress. In his shoes.. It would really disappoint me and raise a red flag if someone freaked out and hid their phone from me. You say you're trustworthy and that may be true but if a guy hid his phone from me it would definitely make me an insecure idiot,maybe not to his extent but I would be really hurt inside and assume the worst.. that he is sexting and dating others and doesn't want me to know. For you to then state "guys texting me" confirms the worst. I know. It would raise an eyebrow with me too and at least I know he cares. I have guys texting me wanting to date me. So for instance that night I had a guy who was not leaving me alone that night. I was just ignoring it. I was honest about it . But that didn’t mean I was dating anyone else as I’m not at the moment. I was shady about it for sure so I’m not sure how I’m gonna salvage this, other than being honest and hoping for the best.
ChatroomHero Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 He is immature and you will see more of that come out if you continue with him. He says, "Words don't mean a thing..." but his whole analysis of you is based or your words, "Guys might text me...", so he is being a hypocrite. I don't care for multi-dating but if after 4 or 5 dates I have the talk about exclusivity, that's when I rule out a multi-dater. In the initial stages if a girl told me she was talking to other guys, my reaction is like, duh. I'd expect you were. After it looks like it might get serious, that's when I would have the expectation that you stop talking to other guys. His reaction was that of a child... You're talking 3 other guys...well I'll show you, I'm seeing 6 other women! They all want me bad, they all pledged their devotion to me so if you can't... I would say he is immature dating-wise and until he grows if you continue to see him, he will expect things like you drop male friends, you put him first over everything...basically he just keeps being controlling and jealous. He might mature, but you would have to suffer through that process if he does.
olivetree Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 I feel like a lot of people in this thread are focusing on the fact that he wants to date only you and you want to multi-date and are ignoring all the weird, manipulative things he said. It's those things that are the deal breaker.
Wallysbears Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 This is a man that will wind up criticizing your friends, distancing you from family, paranoid about who you talk to and where you go, etc Ditch him now. There is nothing to normalize about his words and behavior. He’s single for a damn good reason.
Author dancingintherain12 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 I am meeting him tonight. I’m really worried. I don’t like feeling like the bad guy. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with being exclusive with someone at all but it’s something we haven’t discussed much. More like little cute things said from him like “I want you to be mine” but I thought it was in the heat of the moment. I really feel like I did nothing wrong. I was honest that guys text me and I didn’t want him to get wrong impression. Now he has bad vibes. Which I really get, but he took it way too far. I don’t even know how I’m gonna address this tonight.
DrNo1962 Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 He mentioned exclusivity on date 2 That's your cue to exit stage left and don't look back.
olivetree Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 This guy is clearly giving you bad vibes too. What are you hoping comes of the evening?
Author dancingintherain12 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 This guy is clearly giving you bad vibes too. What are you hoping comes of the evening? I spoke to him on the phone and said maybe you don’t know this or didn’t mean it but I just wanted to let you know some of the things you said really hurt me and rubbed me the wrong way. He heard me and said we will talk later in person. I’m hoping to say we just met and I think we have a great connection, but I just met him and I understand Where he’s coming from and how he feels. I would say it would make me feel uncomfortable too. And that the texts is nothing and he has nothing to worry about. And that I don’t want him to get the wrong impression from me. Then I’ll adress some of the things that rubbed me the wrong way and see what he says.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 (edited) {snip} I get how he’s feeling but it’s too much too soon . He’s questioning if im a loyal person when IM THE MOST LOYAL GIRL EVER. We’re not exclusive and we didn’t have that talk, we’re just getting to know each other. He said it’s in his value and morals to not date another person, which I said I respect but he’s painting me as a disloyal person because of the phone thing and because we’re not exclusive yet. He’s being highly insecure I’m trying to be compassionate but hes saying rude things like I want a girl to know what she wants and to be honest I’m having doubts about you and that aspect. RUN, don't walk! He is not amazing guy, he is manipulative and controlling. I also thought it was flattering when a guy really wanted me. He said we would be together forever (weird). He also accused me of cheating if I went throughout my day w/out texting him a ton and not wanting to spend every waking minute w/him. This got on my nerves fast. Once a guy paints me as a cheater or not loyal, he is done! Nothing against insecure people (I happen to be one of them), but at some point they need to let go a little. If you think its bad now, it'll get way worse. These type of people may seem charming, but that's far from the case. The guy would drive 40min to pick me up and take me home, but I know this was a way of controlling me more. All that sweet stuff is just a way to manipulate you. Edited December 7, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
hippychick3 Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 This is way too much drama and angst at this stage of dating. Things should be easy breezy, light, and fun this early on. This guy completely overreacted and is punishing you. He is passive-aggressive and manipulative. You've gotten a lot of good advice here about dumping this guy. I hope you listen. 1
Highndry Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 I haven't read the entire thread, but I don't see the controlling behavior and I think there's much ado about nothing. He likes you, you like him, see where it goes. People are tanking prospective relationships over the tiniest things these days. Make a mental note of some red flags, but give each other a chance. A wonderful relationship could blossom.
Simple Logic Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 You are dating a guy who only dates one woman at a time as part of his values. That doesn’t mean he is a bad guy, over possessive ect. The fact you are multi dating has him confused about your interest, he is uncertain how to handle this, and he is not communicating his confusion by changing his decisions.
Author dancingintherain12 Posted December 7, 2018 Author Posted December 7, 2018 We were supposed to meet tonight and heard nothing
guest569 Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 You are dating a guy who only dates one woman at a time as part of his values. He apparently has women lining up to date him though. How would he know that if he isn't texting other women? He is either lying or he is a hypocrite. We were supposed to meet tonight and heard nothing Hmm that sucks. I'm not sure what the time is but is the night done? Did you agree on a time and he just didn't show?
Gretchen12 Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 Things shouldn't be so problematic this early. 1
Highndry Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 We were supposed to meet tonight and heard nothing Seems like drama way too early, so he bailed. I know that's a dealbreaker for me.
Author dancingintherain12 Posted December 7, 2018 Author Posted December 7, 2018 He apparently has women lining up to date him though. How would he know that if he isn't texting other women? He is either lying or he is a hypocrite. Hmm that sucks. I'm not sure what the time is but is the night done? Did you agree on a time and he just didn't show? We said on the phone this morning we would meet up tonight since he lands at 8. I texted him now at 11 asking for his status. We did not have a time set but agreed on phone we’d meet. Then he says he just landed meanwhile he said he would earlier today at 8. He said in a cold way he landed and what about you and I said what I’m doing and no answer. It’s 11:30. What a ****ing hypocrite. I’m beyond livid
Author dancingintherain12 Posted December 7, 2018 Author Posted December 7, 2018 Seems like drama way too early, so he bailed. I know that's a dealbreaker for me. I wonder who started the drama.. like really? I should be the one bailing. 1
kendahke Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 Been seeing an amazing guy and we have gone on three dates. But on date 3, I connected my phone to his car and on his dashboard my iMessages popped up. I’m a private person and we are not exclusive. But I started freaking out because I don’t want texts to pop up from another guy or my friend saying something private. Anyway I said that I have guys texting me and I don’t want him to get the wrong impression (WHY WOULD I SAY THAT- I talked out of my butt) I said it in a way where I was being honest and didn’t want him to worry or think badly of it. If that makes sense. There is a way to disable that popping up. I don't see why freaking out was necessary. I'd have unplugged it and said nothing--because as you said, you're not exclusive and it was your business, not his. So everything was fine for 2 days, then all of a sudden he switched. he started saying he has girls hitting him up and wanting to date him, and that he’s a loyal person and he has doubts about us nkw because of the phone thing. That he likes to date one woman at once but if I’m gonna keep my options open that he isn’t gonna make me a priority. I want a relationship but I wanna take it slow and think things should happen in a naturally given time for things to progress to that point. And he started saying rude things like “you don’t know what you have till it’s gone.” He dismissed my apologies and I said I’m dating no one else and I like him. He told me words mean nothing to him and actions do. Then let your action be you walking away from him. He's mad because you haven't lived your life under a rock til he found you---he expected devotion out of someone he's only seen in person 3 times. That's unrealistic and quite frankly, grounds for dismissal. Having said that, this is a really stern lesson on why somethings are better left unsaid-because you don't know if they can handle information like this. This guy can't. I get how he’s feeling but it’s too much too soon . He’s questioning if im a loyal person when IM THE MOST LOYAL GIRL EVER. Unfortunately, telling him "I have guys texting me" dashed any loyal tendencies he may have thought you had because it could have sounded like you were bragging to him instead of you trying to explain that there was nothing untoward about the texts, which were/are none of his business right now. We’re not exclusive and we didn’t have that talk, we’re just getting to know each other. Like I said, he expected you to be devoted to him after 3 dates, even though you are not exclusive nor had any talk in that direction. He said it’s in his value and morals to not date another person And it's in his values to insult and demean when he has no basis for it, too. You two are barely dating--you've gone out on a couple of dates, but it's way too early for him to be character assassinating you because his expectations exceeded what has fallen out in experience. He's too busy living in the future and not living in the now. He’s being highly insecure I’m trying to be compassionate but hes saying rude things like I want a girl to know what she wants and to be honest I’m having doubts about you and that aspect. You stop being compassionate when they haul out the rude and fling it in your teeth. He's a grown man who should be able to handle this better than a petulant 13 yr old who didn't get the right xmas toy. Am I wrong? Is he being overboard? No. You aren't exclusive with him and weren't required to be just for a date with a stranger. Yes he is being extra--so much so that you should put him on ice til he gets his can of "act right" and opens it.
preraph Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 I don't know. I mean, when I'm dating a guy, I just kind of assume I'm not what they're looking for if they're still wanting to see other women, like I am not who they will be satisfied with at some point. Because when I really like one, I am focused on them and would gladly agree to just focus on each other until we see how things go. So if you're still thinking another guy may come along you don't want to miss out on, you have to just tell him you are keeping your options open. But you say this guy is really good, so not sure why you can't stop the messages and men long enough to give this one a chance. You could say, Okay, let's focus on one another and see where it goes. I'll get off OLD for now and stop contact if you will. I mean, it may not last two weeks, but at least you gave each other a chance.
Simple Logic Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 We said on the phone this morning we would meet up tonight since he lands at 8. I texted him now at 11 asking for his status. We did not have a time set but agreed on phone we’d meet. Then he says he just landed meanwhile he said he would earlier today at 8. He said in a cold way he landed and what about you and I said what I’m doing and no answer. It’s 11:30. What a ****ing hypocrite. I’m beyond livid Oh well. Sometimes things don’t work out for really good reasons.
fred123 Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 tbh i feel like the guy is getting a lot of stick. imagine if the post was the other way round and it was the guys phone attached to the dashboard. People and women here would have slated him. What the OP did was awful and she would have been pissed off it if was the other way round and hurtful too. and yes i agree with an earlier post that after 2 or 3 dates if you like that person you just focus on that person so obviously you are not that into him!! btw yes its absolutely fine to ask a girl to be exclusive on date 2! pfft 1
dispatch3d Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Yeah I'm in the guys corner here - I think OP made it pretty apparent by what she said she is still multidating. The majority of guys I know don't have as many opportunities to date as women do, and sure as hell (only speaking for myself here) I would not appreciate some girl dating me and 1-howevermany other guys. Like some earlier posters said OP is fine with multidating this guy is not. I would bet that's more the norm than you realize, but at any rate if I was the guy I'd be looking for an exit as well.
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