Hurt1234 Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 (edited) My boyfriend was extremely good to me but always complained that I didn't do enough for him. Recently I found out he was in a relationship with the woman he was temporarily living with along with having inappropriate conversations with other women online. When confronted, he said I should believe him no matter what anyone says. He asked me to move in together during that arguement, which we had talked about in the past. When I refused due to the uncertainty of the relationship, I was dumped and blocked on all social networks. Huh?? He is to be in contact with me in a few weeks to return my belongings, in his narcissist mind he's letting me go because I believed what other people said and don't want to move in with him, even though I had proof of conversations online that were inappropriate. I know when we meet to pick up my belongings he will give me the guilt trip. My question is how can I respond to this guy and walk away leaving him realize that it was him that messed up and my decision of not living together was based on his screw-ups? Edited December 5, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Threads merged and paragraphs added
Orokotikki Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 You did the right thing. He does understand, he just won't admit it to you... AND if he doesn't - it does not need to matter to you. The only point in 'making him understand' is to hoping he asks for forgiveness to get back together (protip - DON'T!) or so that you can feel like the dumper by rejecting his overture... both is a waste of your dignity. You should move on, remove him from your life permanently, and live well.
bathtub-row Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 He’s playing a head game with you. He wants you to be on the defensive so that he doesn’t have to explain himself. Do you see how he tossed the ball into your court? Cute. Personally, I’d take his response as an admission of guilt and wouldn’t even dream of trying to reason with him. This would be a complete waste of your time. Also, I would have someone else meet him to get your things. When someone treats you the way he’s treating you, it’s time to disengage completely. I know you won’t do that because most people have to have the proverbial closure, or can’t let go. But in 20 years, you’ll see it differently. 1
basil67 Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 You can't make him believe anything. Best to do the handover of belongings with as little talk as possible. If he tries a guilt trip, tell him that you're not going to have the conversation about the with him. If he pushes, keep repeating "I am not going to discuss the relationship with you". Unless you've got a room full of stuff, it should take only a minute or two to grab the bags and walk out. Edited to add: I like Bathtub's idea of having someone else meet him. Or possibly take someone with you.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 My question is how can I respond to this guy and walk away leaving him realize that it was him that messed up and my decision of not living together was based on his screw-ups? This is futile. He knows what he's doing and the mind games he's playing with you. He knows the truth. He just doesn't really care to have it pointed out to him. Don't waste your breath, OP. It's going to fall on deaf ears with a person like this. 1
audreymp22 Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 I suggest not confronting him about how he messed up. If I were you, I would take your things and leave as quickly as possible. He is not worth it to stick around and get revenge on. You didn't do anything wrong and being the bigger person and moving on faster will help in the long run. Eventually, he will probably realize he messed up. But you don't need him. He probably wants a reaction from you anyway, so don't give him what he wants. Pretend you are unfazed and get out of his life quickly. He isn't your problem anymore.
d0nnivain Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 Just get your stuff back & don't waste your breath. You know you go out for the right reasons -- he was untrustworthy. What he things or makes up in his head is not your problem.
Author Hurt1234 Posted December 5, 2018 Author Posted December 5, 2018 Thank you to all who have replied. Of course I can't stop remembering the good times in a moment like this but I have to face reality, he wasn't who I thought he was. Crazy how I just don't want to walk away having him believe the break up was my fault for not moving in together, when it clearly wasn't. I'm ready to walk..but I feel like I need to say some thing to make him regret what hes done for the rest of his life. Revenge is childish but my feelings at the moment.
PRW Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 Crazy how I just don't want to walk away having him believe the break up was my fault for not moving in together, when it clearly wasn't. You need to get over this idea of worrying about what he thinks, who he blames, etc. It is a bunch of nonsense. You are playing right into the hands of a master manipulator with that kind of perspective. As far as the rest, I agree with the rest of the posts. 1
basil67 Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 If you must present some type of facade, I'd be going with a "I really don't care what you think" attitude. It will have far more impact than trying to explain your side. 1
Charlierose30 Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 Take it from me, as someone who has confronted my ex and tried to make him see that his actions are to blame, there is no point trying to reason with him. For whatever reason, he needs to believe right now that this is your fault. He doesn't want to admit anything other than that to himself, and therefore to you. It sucks and maybe he will realise one day, but for now he doesn't want to see it, because it's too painful for him. 1
elaine567 Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 in his narcissist mind If he is indeed a narcissist you should know by now it is futile to argue with a narcissist. Just be glad you are now free.
Ninjabear Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Recently I found out he was in a relationship with the woman he was temporarily living with along with having inappropriate conversations with other women online. When confronted, he said I should believe him no matter what anyone says. Of course he would say that even if you throw evidence in their face. If they can lie to get out of a situation/confrontation, they will most likely do it. Don't let him put the blame on you. It was his actions that caused this to happen and deep down he already knows this.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Your plan to make him regret this and get your revenge isn't going to work, OP. You acknowledge that it's childish, which is true, but more importantly - he doesn't care enough about you for your plan to be effective. In the end, you will be the one who feels foolish for wasting your words on someone who really just doesn't give a crap. 2
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