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Posted

So not going to go through all the details but me and her were together for about 3-4 months. Hit it off nicely and moved very fast.

 

Last month she stopped putting effort in. We broke up, sort of got back together but as a fresh start. She made lots of effort for a week which had me optimistic then went back to how she was, I couldn’t handle it so broke it off. She didn’t resist or fight it so I acted like an idiot, went to hers for closure and ended up questioning all the things she done to speed us up and why she did it. Then I text her saying I still want to see you but I can’t be just a friend like you want. Turned into a mini argument and she said I just don’t have feelings for you anymore, we’re not right for each other, I don’t make you happy, why do you like me.

 

That would make sense if we didn’t get on so well and if it wasn’t perfect from the start but it was and I’m not sure what went wrong. I read a few articles online and it turns out I was too affectionate and a tad bit needy, but at that point, so was she until she stopped and I began chasing.

 

I replied saying, that’s a good question, not sure why, I’m not going to miss much (because the end of it was pretty crap) and said I hope it won’t be awkward at Christmas. She’s a family friend and we’re going to be at a mutual location Christmas Day.

 

She said ‘okay, me too xx’

 

At that point I was relieved it was over then I got the blues massively.

 

My birthday is next week, and I’m sure she’s going to text me. And I’m going to see her Christmas Day. What could I do to try win her back, I have 2 opportunities here. I read a few things online and it says, show her that you’re over it, and a lot more confident in yourself and not scared of her where you avoid eye contact coz you miss her so much.

 

She said she loves me as a person and loves spending time with me but she’s not emotionally available at the moment, can’t commit because of work, which is what I believed but I’m not so sure anymore.

 

Anybody have any advice?

 

Thanks in advance

Posted

If she doesn't want to be with you now, she won't want to be with you in the future. When someone says they can't be with you right now because they're trying to find themselves, they don't know what they want, they're too stressed out with work, etc are all saying the same thing. That they don't want to be with you. A good, healthy relationship is when two people are willing to be together and fight through the rough patches together. Not separate for the duration and then get back together afterwards. That doesn't make sense. Don't let her keep you on the backburner, dude. Hold out for someone that knows they want to be with you NOW and will fight to stay with you even during the hard times. You deserve that. Don't be someone's back up plan.

Posted

While this might have been "perfect" from your perspective, she point blank told you a lot was missing on her side: She's not emotionally available; she lost feelings & she is unwilling to make the effort.

 

Do not respond when she reaches out on your birthday. If there is any way you can avoid seeing her on Christmas do that instead.

Posted

The beginning of a relationship is typically the best and the two of you are already going at it. You broke up with her, she broke up with you, she's not putting the effort in, you told her you won't miss all the BS, the relationship was less than 4 months in duration, there's nothing worth spending time and effort on with this one.You'll be surprised how fast you get over it.

Posted

This one is done, OP. You can't manufacture feelings in someone else.

 

It was perfect for you, but not for her. Her behaviour even prior to the first break-up is evidence of that. She can't pretend to feel things she simply does not feel.

 

When a girl is really into you, she will generally welcome your affection. This one just isn't.

Posted

If you are able, date another woman for both your birthday and Christmas.

 

This is a dead end, and you're smacking yourself over your own head with it.

You've given her power over you, take that power back.

 

You don't have to go to this mutual family dinner, just tell your family you can't make it and if you are not with another woman, hang out with friends. Go to a bar and at least socialize with other women.

Posted

It's hard to tell, she maybe really confused and have feelings for you. If she does, she is not going to come to that conclusion with you "chasing" her. You need to go full NC as someone else said, no party. Its has two purposes, first and foremost to help you heal and move one. Second, if there is even a chance, this is the only way it's going to feel this and come to it on her own. As hard as it is, you have to move on with your own life and good things will come.

 

I know its easier said then done, I'm struggling in a similar situation.

  • 4 weeks later...
Posted

You need to learn to read between the lines OP.

 

 

"She said she loves me as a person and loves spending time with me but she’s not emotionally available at the moment, can’t commit because of work..."

 

This is a no, she is not interested.

 

Think about it in terms of dating. How many excuses would you tolerate someone avoiding going out with you before you take the hint? How many excuses would you give to someone asking you out if you truly wanted to give them a chance?

 

I'd go no contact and explore other pastures. If she wants you, she will let you know.

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