Aveenolover Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 I've been talking to this guy for about 6 weeks now. Were both 30 but our situation is a little complicated. We met through his brother (they live together) I briefly dated his brother, first. We never became bf/gf but dated on and off for about 4 months or so. However he would never commit and said he just doesnt see me as a gf. Anyway, the guy I'm talking to now seemed to be really into me for about the first month of talking. Telling me constantly how much he liked me. He told his mom we were talking and finally told his brother about 4 weeks in. He didn't take it well. But the same night he told me thought he was in love with me. But since then hes kinda been pulling back. He wont stay the night at my house cuz he said if he does his bro will know hes with me and he said it's a weird situation. He also only sees me once a week. He hasnt been as lovey dovey as he was and currently nothing is set in stone when I'll see him again. I asked him last week if he was starting to feel lukewarm about me or just not that inti me in general and he said no he still likes me a lot but that it's still new and hes just getting to know me and wants to see where things go. I'm just scared of being strung along or wasting my time. Do you guys think this has a chance at becoming something serious and I just need to give him more time since its complicated or should I move on?
Wallysbears Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 I don't see in any way how this is sustainable. They're brothers. I'd move on and find a new guy.
lurker74 Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 I saw something on Instagram a couple days ago...something like, "If she's not texting you back right away, she's not into you. A girl into will jump out of a shower to text you back." I think it goes both ways. When he's lukewarm, he's lukewarm for a reason, especially this early on. Maybe it's the brother or maybe it's just him, but I'd likely consider moving on if I were you. And probably not to his cousin or his other brother.
smackie9 Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 Tell him he's a grown ass man and can date whomever he wants, and his brother needs to suck it up. Have that talk with him...he just needs a kick to the pants to make this work. You know a confidence booster. Me personally would have told my sibling to go jump off a bridge. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 There is no such thing as "giving someone more time." I've never dated someone I really wanted to date ... after telling them "I need more time." This guy has flaked on you ... Do not pay attention to his words that he likes you ... pay attention to his actions. Tell him that it's strange that he no longer spends the night. Honestly: this isn't going to work given that these two brothers live together and the first brother you dated ... objected to your dating ... If the first guy you dated had been OK, things could be different. But your bf clearly does not have the independence from his brother to date you and to fully carve out space to do so despite the opinions of others. Yes, you'll get strung along ... and then dumped ... and it will hurt so much ... because you were working so hard to give things a chance. As they say at closing time, please make your way towards the exit--in this case the relationship exit.
diddilybop Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 yeah, i also think it's best to move on. it seems like there are still some wounds left on the first brother, and since they're family AND live together, i doubt that brother # 2 would betray him or hurt him. this feels like a weird romantic comedy, haha. anyways, move on...this isn't sustainable or worth the possible drama.
Author Aveenolover Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 Thanks everyone for the advice. I guess I was in denial and trying to be optimistic but his actions do speak a lot louder than his words.
kendahke Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 I've been talking to this guy for about 6 weeks now. Were both 30 but our situation is a little complicated. We met through his brother (they live together) I briefly dated his brother, first. We never became bf/gf but dated on and off for about 4 months or so. However he would never commit and said he just doesnt see me as a gf. Anyway, the guy I'm talking to now seemed to be really into me for about the first month of talking. Telling me constantly how much he liked me. He told his mom we were talking and finally told his brother about 4 weeks in. He didn't take it well. But the same night he told me thought he was in love with me. But since then hes kinda been pulling back. He wont stay the night at my house cuz he said if he does his bro will know hes with me and he said it's a weird situation. He also only sees me once a week. He hasnt been as lovey dovey as he was and currently nothing is set in stone when I'll see him again. I asked him last week if he was starting to feel lukewarm about me or just not that inti me in general and he said no he still likes me a lot but that it's still new and hes just getting to know me and wants to see where things go. I'm just scared of being strung along or wasting my time. Do you guys think this has a chance at becoming something serious and I just need to give him more time since its complicated or should I move on? A man in his 30's shouldn't be giving a rats butt what anyone thinks of where he is and who he's with. So what if his brother gets mad? Let him be mad--he said he didn't see you as a girlfriend--but that only applies to him, not his brother, so he needs to butt out of your boyfriend's business. Anytime someone backs off, you need to be backing off, too. Otherwise, you're going to constantly be chasing guys when you shouldn't be. If he doesn't want to be with you, find someone else who does. Life is too short for BS, especially when you're in your 30's.
olivetree Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 I wonder if the brother is saying bad things about you and it's getting to him. He either doesn't seem to have a mind of his own or it's started to bother him that you've been with his brother too. Him pulling back like this is not good. I'd move on since you already tried to talk about it and it didn't improve.
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