He loves me but isn’t in love anymore

[maripsv]

I met my ex-boyfriend in 2014. He was traveling in my country and we spent an intense 1 month together and he even spent some more thousands of euros in order to be with me longer. After he left, we stayed in touch for a few months and he was always telling me he missed me and wanted to be with me, but I broke it off and we didn’t speak for three or four months until he messaged me to wish me happy birthday.

 

I was about to do an Eurotrip at the time and he lived in Europe. I wanted to keep my options open regarding seeing him but did not really make any plans because although I liked him, for me it was more like a fling and not something I seriously considered. But once he rejected coming to see me, I felt that I didn’t want to lose his affections so I went to see him and we spent amazing 10 days together which started our relationship. He was head over heels in love with me and we had a distance relationship for 2 years in which he would cross continents every 4 months to be with me. It was always amazing when we were together although we had a lot of fights while apart.

 

1 year ago, we decided to get married and move in together. He is now 25 and I am 23. We had to move to Germany to be together and we both had to find jobs and build a life from scratch. He is currently working in a job that he hates and he has not made a single friend in one year that we had been living here. He is constantly annoyed and complains about everything. We had been fighting so much for stupid reasons that I didn’t even feel at peace in my own house anymore. But I thought all of this was because he had been stressed with his job and perspectives.

 

But then he broke up with me and said he did not feel attraction to me anymore, did not feel in love. Did not care if we spoke when we were apart, is constantly annoyed with everything I do. I also found out he had been talking to girls on Tinder months before he broke up, although he says he never met anyone and that was only an “outlet”. At the same time, he says he thinks his feelings could one day come back or that they are there somewhere but he’s just not ready to settle (he’s always been scared to death or losing his “youth”).

We stayed apart for 2 weeks while he visited his family and when he came back, we got to talking and he ended up kissing me and it felt like the sparks were there. We decided to give it a try and we tried for 2 months but I was constantly feeling miserable and anxious because I thought he was talking to other girls and he wouldn’t make any commitments regarding our relationship and was never sure he really wanted to be with me, so we broke up.

 

I feel really sad, because we’ve been through so much together and it has been a very long story. It seems to me that he’s almost kind of relieved to break up and have some space. He says he doesn’t understand why he fell out of love with me, that I’m the best person he knows and that he fears he will come to regret this decision because he is not aware of what he really has with me. When we said goodbye, he was very sad and feeling like he hadn’t realized he wouldn’t see me anymore and was feeling anxious that he would be even more miserable without me in his life.

 

I don’t want to hope that NC will “make him come to his senses”, because now I feel rejected and unwanted because I’ve been doing everything to please him and he hasn’t appreciated a single thing I did. Could it be possible that NC would make him want to try again?

Edited December 5, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[PegNosePete]

His senses are perfectly fine. He has made a decision and he doesn't want a relationship with you.

 

NC doesn't "make" anyone do anything. NC is for you to heal and get over the relationship and move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

His senses are perfectly fine. He has made a decision and he doesn't want a relationship with you.

 

NC doesn't "make" anyone do anything. NC is for you to heal and get over the relationship and move on.

 

Exactly.

 

Don't fool yourself, OP. This guy was not who you thought he was. He was deceptive and I have a hard time believing he never met any of the girls he was talking to. A guy in a relationship needs to be find a different "outlet" than a hook-up app like Tinder. He was shopping for your replacement while you were sleeping in bed next to him. My guess is that he has met someone he's interested in pursuing, and doesn't want to completely smash your heart by admitting that. That's likely where a lot of this tension from him was coming from. He knew what he was up to behind your back and couldn't hide the resulting stress well.

 

It would be extremely unwise to ever consider trying again with a guy like this, should he even come back around. He showed you he is capable of some seriously bad behaviour and he doesn't respect you. That isn't something No Contact resolves.

 

Believe him when he says he can't commit to you. He is 100% correct about that, at least. He is young (as are you) and he evidently isn't anywhere near ready to stop dating and exploring other women. I'm sorry this happened to you; go No Contact so you can heal and someday find a guy who respects you enough to be honest and honorable.

[Fekenaws]

Go no contact 100%. If he wants to be in your life, he will let you know. But by that point, you will have probably moved on. My biggest piece of advice? DON'T be his friend. Period. No matter how wonderful you thought they were, DO NOT help an ex through a breakup. They are on their own now.

[Fekenaws]

If you want him romantically just tell him "I thought about it for a while and I decided friendship doesn't work for me, but feel free to give a text if you change your mind"

After that go No Contact. No liking his posts, no viewing his stories, no texting and no calling. If he wants to be in your life he will reach out to you.