Christine_01 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 I am 23 years old and he is 28 ..we knew each other for a while and he was asking me out but I didn't pay attention to him only until recently when we started to talk a little bit more and we went out a couple of times..He said he wanted to kiss me but I am more" like let's get to know each other first and not rush into things" .. After that he stated that is better to not see each other because he doesn't want something serious right now and doesn't have the patience to build trust and to get involved emotionally because for him is frustrating to not obtaining what he wants.. he respects me as a person that's why he has chosen to be honest from the beginning..He said that sex is very important to him and I am a nice girl while he is not and is better for me to stay away in order to not regret things later ...I accepted his decision and didn't chase him ..I am feeling confused..I did something wrong by trying to take things slow ?
Wallysbears Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 Nope. He just wanted to have a casual friends with benefit sexual relationship. You made the right choice. 2
bathtub-row Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 He just wanted sex but realized you weren’t into being used in that way, so he walked. No harm done as you were both honest and were in different places as to what you want. Btw, please don’t go back trying to get his attention. This is a situation that has nowhere to go except downhill. Leave it on a high note. 1
elaine567 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 I am feeling confused..I did something wrong by trying to take things slow ? Where is the confusion? He is a man who cannot be bothered with a relationship He wants sex with no strings attached. No feelings, no emotions no ties, no exclusivity, no "getting to know each other", just sex at the other end of the phone, probably from all sorts of different women too... He is out there playing the field, he doesn't want or need a gf. 2
preraph Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 You are supposed to have boundaries. You are not supposed to just bend to whatever some man wants. All in the world he cared about was sex without effort, quick convenient sex. At least he was honest and moved on. It has nothing to do with you. He just wants easy sex, not a relationship, and he doesn't even want to waste any time. If a woman doesn't put out, he's bailing and going to the next one. 1
DrNo1962 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 Taking things slow is exactly what you want to be doing. It should take a good 8-12 weeks of consistent dating and getting to know each other more intimately before you feel the two of you are comfortable enough with each other to start bringing up topics such as exclusivity. Most guys initially just want to enjoy hanging out with someone and hooking up. There are subtle ways you can test a guys interest level to see if it goes beyond just wanting to have sex if he explicitly does not say to you "i'm just looking for fwb". These could include: - Backing off a little to see if he pursues you more - Telling him you'd like to hear from him more in between dates - Test his listening skills to see how attentive he is etc. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 He said that sex is very important to him and I am a nice girl while he is not and is better for me to stay away in order to not regret things later ...I accepted his decision and didn't chase him ..I am feeling confused..I did something wrong by trying to take things slow ? He was desperately hoping you would say, "No, I'm a bad girl. I want to just have sex. Take me. Let's get it on." You didn't do anything wrong ... In fact, it's inaccurate to say you wanted to take things "slow." You were at a normal pace ... He just wanted to hop in bed with you ... he thinks you're hot, but he's not into having a relationship ... perhaps not into having a full relationship with you ... and probably not with anyone right now. What is there to be confused about? ... You do know that a lot of guys (and some women) just want sex with no commitment? And these folks who just want sex don't exactly work for weeks to build up trust. They want to chase their hormones right now. Certainly that's not a foreign thought to you ... Your pace wasn't slow at all. He just wanted a serial one-night stand with you and not have to call you in the morning. When you hesitated (in a totally normal way), he realized he wasn't gonna have that with you. So he used a lot of fancy language to cover his retreat ... Please don't take his words seriously. He's on to chasing another woman who he hopes will get in bed with him pronto.
kendahke Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 He didn't want a relationship with you. He didn't want to be your man. He wanted to hit it and quit it.
snowboy91 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 You did nothing wrong. This guy was really after some fun, casual sex or at best a FWB. Nothing wrong with that, but he realised you wanted something more serious and decided to leave. Good on him for being so honest right away - a lot of guys aren't that honest. There couldn't really be a better outcome - he gets to go have his fun, and you can go find the relationship you want. Win-win.
d0nnivain Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 Your decision to go slow was the right decision for you. Unfortunately for him it highlighted differences he's not willing to deal with. It was nicer / kinder / gentler for him to say he doesn't want anything serious because that is what you were building towards then to admit that he wanted NSA sex. Be cordial when you see him but let it go. You two are incompatible. Just leave it alone.
FMW Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 Nope, you did absolutely nothing wrong. And feel good that he was honest with you and didn't lie to just get sex from you. Stay away from him - if you hang around he'll think you're indicating you're up for casual sex since he's been honest with you about what he's looking for.
elaine567 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 Stay away from him - if you hang around he'll think you're indicating you're up for casual sex since he's been honest with you about what he's looking for. Good point. OP Do not write a fairy story in your head about this man, you will not be able to turn him into the man of your dreams. Sticking around or agreeing to a fwb arrangement will get you no Brownie points. He will use/abuse you and spit you out when he has no use for you anymore. When people tell you they are not nice people it is best to believe them.
smackie9 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 Not sure why you can't accept a guy, this guy or any another guy is not interested something serious with you.....you can't win them all, and dating is never that easy. He already had it in his head when he met you that this wasn't going any further than just sex. It is what it is.
Author Christine_01 Posted December 5, 2018 Author Posted December 5, 2018 Thank you guys for your comments..Now I see things in a better light
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