stellyb Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 (edited) So I’ve been friends with a guy for the past year. Nothing physical has happened, we’ve only ever been friends with occasional flirting here and there but nothing too serious. There are feelings there but again, it’s nothing I’m getting carried away with especially after this weekend. Lately he had been really attentive (texting me every day) so contact was extremely constant. My birthday recently passed on Thursday, he wished me a happy birthday etc. The next morning he texted me in the morning and asked if I was doing anything special on the weekend. I told him I was keeping it fairly low key this year (I was) and that I had dinner plans with friends that night, and the rest of the weekend I’ll see where the wind takes me re plans. He suggested that he cooks us dinner on Saturday for my birthday and we can go out afterwards, all a surprise by him and he’ll plan it all. Since I hadn’t seen him in a while and we were quite good friends I accepted and definitely thought it would be a good idea. On the Saturday he texted me to say that he’ll be free from 6-7pm so I can come anytime beyond then for the dinner part of our plans. He then proceeded to say he wouldn’t be offended if I had more interesting plans... I explained succinctly that I’m looking forward to seeing him and that I will be in his part of town to run an errand before hand anyway. From that point he completely ghosted the conversation and therefore our plans didn’t go ahead. Why would he suggest plans on my birthday weekend no less and then not even send a quick text to cancel? He was posting on social media during the day, so no, he wasn’t being abducted by aliens or suddenly busy. What could have made him flake without giving me any explaination? I am yet to hear from him or get an apology at that. I’ve been told to potentially text him to see what’s up, and yes I’d like him to be accountable since it’s quite inconsiderate not to send a quick message - but I’m still in a stubborn mindset and don’t want to talk to him, at least as yet. Edited December 4, 2018 by stellyb Detail
ExpatInItaly Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 When you say he was active online during the day, do you mean before or the day after he intended to celebrate with you?
hippychick3 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 I'm a bit confused. He told you on Saturday to come between 6-7 and you agreed. How did he ghost you? Why didn't you just go to his place at that time?
Author stellyb Posted December 4, 2018 Author Posted December 4, 2018 When you say he was active online during the day, do you mean before or the day after he intended to celebrate with you? On the Saturday - the day he messaged me with the time to come over for dinner. I replied and after he viewed my reply he was on social media.
Author stellyb Posted December 4, 2018 Author Posted December 4, 2018 I'm a bit confused. He told you on Saturday to come between 6-7 and you agreed. How did he ghost you? Why didn't you just go to his place at that time? Because after that message he said if I have anything more interesting to do he wouldn’t be offended, I replied and said I’m happy to see him. I also don’t have his address so we would have had to discuss that before I went over. I told him in my reply it is up to him. Hence the ghosting
hippychick3 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 Hmm, in this situation, I'm not so sure he ghosted you. Since he was a good friend already, I may have texted him closer to the time to ask for his address and/or ask if I could bring anything for dinner. It is possible that he was waiting for you to contact him as the time approached which may show a lack of confidence and possibly interest. But, it seems less likely he bailed on you if he initiated the text on Saturday.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 On the Saturday - the day he messaged me with the time to come over for dinner. I replied and after he viewed my reply he was on social media. Has he been active online since Saturday evening? My first instinct would be to verify that he's alright.
Author stellyb Posted December 4, 2018 Author Posted December 4, 2018 Has he been active online since Saturday evening? My first instinct would be to verify that he's alright. Yes. The next morning he was playing football with his friends (social media post)
Author stellyb Posted December 4, 2018 Author Posted December 4, 2018 Hmm, in this situation, I'm not so sure he ghosted you. Since he was a good friend already, I may have texted him closer to the time to ask for his address and/or ask if I could bring anything for dinner. It is possible that he was waiting for you to contact him as the time approached which may show a lack of confidence and possibly interest. But, it seems less likely he bailed on you if he initiated the text on Saturday. I see what you’re saying but I do think he ghosted the conversation. He viewed my message when I said I’m looking forward to seeing him but said it’s totally up to him, didn’t reply, hasn’t spoken to me since. I don’t think it’s a matter of lack of interest, on my actual birthday I suggested we grab a drink - I definitely played my role.
hippychick3 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 I see what you’re saying but I do think he ghosted the conversation. He viewed my message when I said I’m looking forward to seeing him but said it’s totally up to him, didn’t reply, hasn’t spoken to me since. I don’t think it’s a matter of lack of interest, on my actual birthday I suggested we grab a drink - I definitely played my role. You may be right and if this was some guy you just met with no history of friendship, I'd move on without saying a word. But since he was a good friend, I would talk to him about it.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 You may be right and if this was some guy you just met with no history of friendship, I'd move on without saying a word. But since he was a good friend, I would talk to him about it. I would do the same. The whole situation was strange.
Kelliousme Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 OP, this guy is just a friend (like an acquaintance) or a "good"/"close" friend? If he's just an acquaintance, not much interaction except texting, and you don't know much about him.. I'd suggest you to just move on. The only reason I can see that explains his behavior is he lost interest in you and he suddenly want to back off. Like you said, you already said you'd rather spend time with him. Any man interested would be delighted and would give yo his address. But your friend here just stopped texting and suddenly ghosted. No apology the next day whatsoever. It would be stupid to ask him what's up or what's wrong when obviously he doesn't care enough to talk to you first and let you know what happened. Unless, of course, he's a rather close friend of yours and you know him well then I'd suggest hitting him up and ask what's going on. If not, I don't see any reason why you should be talking to him anymore. Move on time!!
kendahke Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 I'm curious as to why he'd invite you over and not give his address when he did the inviting.
diddilybop Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 I see what you’re saying but I do think he ghosted the conversation. He viewed my message when I said I’m looking forward to seeing him but said it’s totally up to him, didn’t reply, hasn’t spoken to me since. I don’t think it’s a matter of lack of interest, on my actual birthday I suggested we grab a drink - I definitely played my role. yeah, this is all kinda strange. if you two are good friends and he gave you radio silence on the day of the dinner, i would suggest talking about it. but, i'm a bit confused, you told him that you were looking forward to seeing him but "it's totally up to him"? maybe i'm misinterpreting, but that bit sounds like you weren't super invested in hanging out with him.
Purepony Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 Screw that ! Don’t waste your time since he can’t dven bother to apologize. Block that doofus and move on
smackie9 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 One of his football buddies got into his head and told him not to waste his time...you are "just" friends, and you haven't put out so why bother putting this much effort when he's going to be put into the friends zone.....guy talk, you know... 1
bathtub-row Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 I think he had an opportunity for a date and was hoping OP would take the ‘out’ when he gave her the chance. When she didn’t, he flaked.
preraph Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 If you're such good friends for so long, why didn't you already know where he lived? How can you be real good friends and never gone to his place before? I think he found something he'd rather do, and then you didn't show up. Did you ever ask him for the address?
Author stellyb Posted December 4, 2018 Author Posted December 4, 2018 I think he had an opportunity for a date and was hoping OP would take the ‘out’ when he gave her the chance. When she didn’t, he flaked. That’s what I thought as soon as I got the subsidiary message. But why make plans in the first place only to flake? It makes no sense
FMW Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 I probably wouldn't reach out to him just to ask, but when you do see him again say something like "hey, what happened to the birthday dinner plans" and see how he reacts.
Malin889 Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 Why didn't you just ask for his address?! I don't think he ghosted at all. I think he wanted you to come over. Sometimes people just don't answer texts, sometimes its for no reason at all except they got distracted. He was probably busy grocery shopping for your dinner that you never showed up for. When you didn't show up, he didn't email you asking where you were?!
bathtub-row Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 That’s what I thought as soon as I got the subsidiary message. But why make plans in the first place only to flake? It makes no sense He probably made plans with you first and then the date opportunity came up later. That's why he offered you a chance to back out, so that he wouldn't have to.
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