pandagirl2018 Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 I started dating this guy 2 months ago. We get along very well, like each other very much, have fun, sex is amazing. The only thing about him is he doesn't talk much, he is quite the silent type. Is just the way he is. On one hand, he is clearly more a man of actions rather than words, which is great, since a lot of guys are quite the opposite. But, I speak about 90% of time and if I don't speak, we just stay silent most of the time. I mean, he's quite open and he tells me a lot of how he feels about me, but I'm refering more to conversations at dinner time, or over a coffee, etc, to get to know each other more. Since this is just the way he is, I feel like my only option is accepting him as he is. But I like to have conversations that just flow, know what I mean? What do you think about this? Thank you.
dsprimal Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 I was in the same exact situation as you. I was seeing this girl for a couple months on and off but her silence is what drove me away. She was so quiet in every aspect (out for dates, sex, hanging out). It turned me off. Hopefully he will open up more to you but if he in fact like that then you just have to deal with it. But I know EXACTLY what you are dealing with. It was tiring on my end to always control convo or add to convo. otherwise we would just sit in silence, which over time got me annoyed and yeah...bye!
basil67 Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 Ask yourself if this is how you want the next 30 years to be. If you're Ok with it, then stay. If it would drive you nuts, then leave. 1
Author pandagirl2018 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 Is that I really like him. He's a great guy, and is just peaceful to be with him. I don't mind the silence sometimes, is good to just cuddle each other on the sofa or on the bed without the need to talk. But at other times it would be good to have flowing conversations. The thing is, I'm not a very talkative person myself, but he brings that out in me because I feel so at ease with him I just want to share everything. And very often I feel I'm just doing all the talking, he gets to know me because of that, but I feel I don't get to know him because he doesn't. I'm not sure if he'll talk more, becuase he said several times he doesn't talk much. Is just the way he is. I don't know, everything else is great, is just that part that makes me confused.
d0nnivain Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 My husband is the quiet type while I'm quite gregarious. I have learned to be silent & appreciate the quiet. It took some time & was often awkward for me. It drove my parents up a while. DH & my dad took a car trip; my dad was flabbergasted that for 3 hours in the car, they just sat in silence. My dad wasn't exactly talkative either & was frustrated that DH didn't carry the conversation. Over the years DH's family tells me he's more chatty then ever. For some people it's about being safe. Others just prefer to listen. So you are right. You have to accept him as he is -- quiet. If you can't, then leave him. You will not change him
Wallysbears Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 My husband is the quiet type while I'm quite gregarious. I have learned to be silent & appreciate the quiet. It took some time & was often awkward for me. It drove my parents up a while. DH & my dad took a car trip; my dad was flabbergasted that for 3 hours in the car, they just sat in silence. My dad wasn't exactly talkative either & was frustrated that DH didn't carry the conversation. Over the years DH's family tells me he's more chatty then ever. For some people it's about being safe. Others just prefer to listen. So you are right. You have to accept him as he is -- quiet. If you can't, then leave him. You will not change him Agree wholeheartedly with this. My husband is NOT a big talker. I am. I could talk all day and never stop. He is good at listening. And many nights, we can both just happily cuddle up and not talk a lot. It works for us - like a Ying/Yang balance. But if it bothers you then maybe it’s not the right “fit” for you.
alphamale Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 don't look a gift horse in the mouth sister
diddilybop Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 i understand where you're coming from, i'm quite the social butterfly and talker, while my boyfriend is the shy, silent type. even though he's not talking in return, he is listening very attentively. he's also helped me appreciate silence - it's actually really refreshing. anyways, while he doesn't make much conversation, do you feel like you're being listened to? if you do, then that's great. if you really like him, accept him for who he is, wouldn't you want the same thing from him?
Gretchen12 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 I don't like people too chatty but if he's always too silent then isn't he like a blank person to you? No opinions, no thoughts, no feelings. You won't even be able to tell if he has mental retardation. The strong silent type is not supposed to be silent all the time.
grays Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 My guy is pretty quiet with me. I think he’s shy one on one, or at least when he’s alone with me. When friends are around he gets animated and tells stories and is very charming. I’ve also heard him on work calls and he seems relatively talkative and confident. I’m hoping I can get him to talk to me a bit more, since I know he can. I’m so interested in hearing about his background (we’re in the US now, but he was raised in a third world country and has 35 siblings, I’m so curious). I tend to come up with “conversation starters” ahead of time which I’ve never felt the need to do before. The last couple of days I’ve been thinking I’ll ask him to find me YouTube videos or Instagram pics from his hometown when he comes over this weekend. I’m sure that’ll get him to talk a bit. I do want to get him talking enough that I get to know him better, but I talk a lot myself. If he’s okay with that (seems to be so far), I think I’ll be okay with his quietness. My ex-h was quieter than me and the last ten or 15 years he seemed irritated every time I opened my mouth. That was no fun at all and made me feel pretty crappy. I’m not gonna sign on for something like that.
Author pandagirl2018 Posted December 4, 2018 Author Posted December 4, 2018 Thanks everyone for your replies. He does talk a lot about how he feels about me, that's for sure. Maybe is me who needs to appreciate more of the quietness and not have to be talking all the time. Yes I do like him and the reason I want him to talk more is because I truly want to know everything about him. But I guess it will take time and that's fine. I don't want to change him though and I don't want to make him feel bad that he has to talk more to make me feel comfortable, because that would be asking him to be who he is not. I'll just go with the flow and see what happens.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 It just depends on your comfort level with his very silent nature, OP. I can appreciate silence, but if I were doing most of the talking the majority of the time and under most circumstances, it would be off-putting to me. I am much more compatible with more talkative and engaging folks, both in friendships and romantic relationships. It's such a personal preference. Only you can decide what works for you.
Author pandagirl2018 Posted December 5, 2018 Author Posted December 5, 2018 It just depends on your comfort level with his very silent nature, OP. I can appreciate silence, but if I were doing most of the talking the majority of the time and under most circumstances, it would be off-putting to me. I am much more compatible with more talkative and engaging folks, both in friendships and romantic relationships. It's such a personal preference. Only you can decide what works for you. My personal preference both for friendships and romantic relationships is people that usually might not talk too much, but there is such a good dynamic between us that makes us naturally talk, it just flows. Because there's a natural desire to show myself, who I am, what I like, etc, and so the other person. I am an air astrological sign, I like and need the mental connection too. I do like this guy, he's a good man in many ways, but I just don't like for example eating a dinner in silence, or being me doing all the talking most of the time. I need that exchange.
smackie9 Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 Nope I couldn't live with someone like that. I would get so bored so easily because I like good interaction with my level of energy. That's why me and my husband get along so well. If you think it would make your relationship feel there is something lacking, eventually you are going to meet someone who does fill that void, and you will find yourself like many posting threads about wanting to leave their SO because of it.
Art_Critic Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 don't look a gift horse in the mouth sister That is kinda where I'm at with my advice...also The longer the relationship proceeds I'd bet he gets a "little" bit more talkative.. and if you get married and have a kid I guarantee you your house will never be quiet ever again.. even at dinner my Son can't stop talking.. even for 30 secs..
Author pandagirl2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 That is kinda where I'm at with my advice...also The longer the relationship proceeds I'd bet he gets a "little" bit more talkative.. and if you get married and have a kid I guarantee you your house will never be quiet ever again.. even at dinner my Son can't stop talking.. even for 30 secs.. We just started dating 2 months ago, too soon for marriage and kids I hope the longer the relationship proceeds he gets more talkative. I mean, he does talk a lot about how he feels about me, which is great, because I know most men don't. And I do prefer a man that is open about his feelings rather than a man who is open to do small talk or talk about his work or hobbies but never says how he feels. I just feel like sometimes I am sharing stuff about my day or my life, interests, etc, and he listens but doesn't ask more questions or talks about his experience or likes. For example, we both went to visit Australia years ago and I talked about that, what did I see, how I felt, etc, and he basically said nothing about his experience. This happens a lot with other things too. And this is the sort of conversation that would be nice to have over dinner for example, that also helps you know the other person better.
Recommended Posts