Author enchanted771 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 i understand it hurts right now, but since he didn't give you what you want and need, it's a good decision to let him go. Lotsofgoingon said it perfectly, be with someone who's excited to be with you - not someone who's just "meh" about it. he was excited for like a week and a half.
bathtub-row Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 So I’ve decoded I’m breaking it off. My gut is never wrong. If he were into me I would know. Even if I went overboard with texts. He said he understood. I just don’t feel he’s that interested in me. He insisted we were ok but I don’t believe him for one second. There’s zero communication between us and I just feel he’s not into this relationship anymore. You did the right thing.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 You did the right thing. I wish it didn’t feel so lousy. He didn’t even reply. Not even a single pair of balls.
basil67 Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 I wish it didn’t feel so lousy. He didn’t even reply. Not even a single pair of balls. I'm wondering if he'd already considered it over. Other than radio silence, had he said anything which expressed his unhappiness with the relationship?
Author enchanted771 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 I'm wondering if he'd already considered it over. Other than radio silence, had he said anything which expressed his unhappiness with the relationship?nothing. He kept insisting were ok. I didn’t believe him for a reason. He isn’t well he suffers from ptsd and depression. If your not well, you shouldn’t be in a relationship then..
Author enchanted771 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 Now this guy wants us to give it a few days to cool off and restart. Why would I even want to do that? What is he bringing to the table and to my life? What do you have to even offer me that would make me consider restarting our relationship? He is so focused on everything else, so why would I want to play second fiddle to someone who isn’t all that. If he thinks he can do better, go for it. See how much greener the grass ISNT on the other side. Now I’m paying for his exes abusive behavior. Apparently too many text messages are considered abusive now
stillafool Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Now this guy wants us to give it a few days to cool off and restart. Why would I even want to do that? What is he bringing to the table and to my life? What do you have to even offer me that would make me consider restarting our relationship? He is so focused on everything else, so why would I want to play second fiddle to someone who isn’t all that. If he thinks he can do better, go for it. See how much greener the grass ISNT on the other side. Now I’m paying for his exes abusive behavior. Apparently too many text messages are considered abusive now Did he contact you or did you contact him?
Author enchanted771 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 Did he contact you or did you contact him? He texted me this morning.
carhill Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 So, do the cooling off period and the next discussion of this issue can take place in person, face to face. We learned two tools, of many, in MC and one was, yep, agreeing to table a disagreement or marital relations discussion for a more advantageous time and place, and sticking to that agreement, and to discuss relationship/marital issues in person, face to face, same as when we make love. We don't make love pounding on a keyboard. Resolve relationship stuff the same way, in person. Good luck!
Art_Critic Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 it wasn’t really anything bad but it was like 5 texts Cut yourself some slack.. NOBODY including him likes to be ignored, at times I will do that to my wife too... send a text.. she doesn't reply but I was expecting a reply so I could continue the conversation but I finish it anyhow after she doesn't reply, 45 mins later I get a text saying she was outside or something.. but at least I didn't have to interrupt my day anymore with that particular conversation... You just got to know when to relax and when to send another... Sit back, time will fix any issue relating to the texts.. oh and a BJ wouldn't hurt the next time you see him
bathtub-row Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 I think you need to listen to your instincts on this one. There’s too much contention right out of the starting gate, and you don’t like the way he makes you feel. You can do much better.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 I think you need to listen to your instincts on this one. There’s too much contention right out of the starting gate, and you don’t like the way he makes you feel. You can do much better. What bothers me is how he wants a relationship, yet he doesn’t want his independence taken away. So he wants to call all the shots? How I feel doesn’t matter? I’m not his ex. I am not going to get violent, look through his phone, stalk him at house. Wow they sound like real winners. If he thinks he can do better, then he can just walk out of my life instead of doing a reboot. Please. I’m going to make sure I’m too busy to give you the time of day. Loser
Author enchanted771 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 Cut yourself some slack.. NOBODY including him likes to be ignored, at times I will do that to my wife too... send a text.. she doesn't reply but I was expecting a reply so I could continue the conversation but I finish it anyhow after she doesn't reply, 45 mins later I get a text saying she was outside or something.. but at least I didn't have to interrupt my day anymore with that particular conversation... You just got to know when to relax and when to send another... Sit back, time will fix any issue relating to the texts.. oh and a BJ wouldn't hurt the next time you see him he should be so lucky
bathtub-row Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 What bothers me is how he wants a relationship, yet he doesn’t want his independence taken away. So he wants to call all the shots? How I feel doesn’t matter? I’m not his ex. I am not going to get violent, look through his phone, stalk him at house. Wow they sound like real winners. If he thinks he can do better, then he can just walk out of my life instead of doing a reboot. Please. I’m going to make sure I’m too busy to give you the time of day. Loser Most people are consistently the same from one relationship to another. I think he probably has a history of making women feel neglected and that may explain what he experienced as abusive from his exes. It’s probable that his indifference sent them over the edge and they were probably already slightly nuts to begin with. Look at how needy he started to make you feel. I don’t think he really knows how to be in a relationship. But that’s his problem to deal with. Bowing out is your best move here.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 Most people are consistently the same from one relationship to another. I think he probably has a history of making women feel neglected and that may explain what he experienced as abusive from his exes. It’s probable that his indifference sent them over the edge and they were probably already slightly nuts to begin with. Look at how needy he started to make you feel. I don’t think he really knows how to be in a relationship. But that’s his problem to deal with. Bowing out is your best move here. He got crazy exes because that’s all he can get. No wonder he doesn’t want to break up. I’m 10 steps above his exes in all departments
olivetree Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 He got crazy exes because that’s all he can get. No wonder he doesn’t want to break up. I’m 10 steps above his exes in all departments If a guy says he has crazy exes, that is a big red flag. It usually means: 1) They blame others without looking at themselves 2) Their actions make women feel and act crazy 3) They have unhealthy attractions because they have issues themselves 1
Author enchanted771 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 If a guy says he has crazy exes, that is a big red flag. It usually means: 1) They blame others without looking at themselves 2) Their actions make women feel and act crazy 3) They have unhealthy attractions because they have issues themselveswow that’s true
basil67 Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Be prepared that he will add you to the list of crazy exes. And he will describe you so that the next girl thinks she's 10 steps above you. But remember this is about him, not about you. 1
Author enchanted771 Posted December 7, 2018 Author Posted December 7, 2018 Be prepared that he will add you to the list of crazy exes. And he will describe you so that the next girl thinks she's 10 steps above you. But remember this is about him, not about you. I take full responsibility for my behavior and texting too much. He should have just said stop texting me which he didn’t. Now he’s comparing me to his ex. He sent me like 8 texts explaining how my behavior bothers him. Went on to say that we need to let things cool off and then restart. What makes him think I would even want to? God forbid I text him at the wrong time. He’s the one who kept complaining how lonely he was before he met me now I have red flags??? Who died and made him king?
basil67 Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 I take full responsibility for my behavior and texting too much. He should have just said stop texting me which he didn’t. Now he’s comparing me to his ex. He sent me like 8 texts explaining how my behavior bothers him. Went on to say that we need to let things cool off and then restart. What makes him think I would even want to? God forbid I text him at the wrong time. He’s the one who kept complaining how lonely he was before he met me now I have red flags??? Who died and made him king? Enchanted, this is all par for course if you're with someone who's exes are all allegedly crazy. Those exes are probably as normal as you are but he can't see it that way. Yes, he's now painting you as a crazy ex too. Given his history, you can't expect anything else from him.
DrNo1962 Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 Just one thing I'd like to add as a man. Not sure if the title was written in jest, but not all men back away and give the silent treatment after an argument. Many prefer to get to the bottom of the issue and resolve it as quickly as possible. Especially if you're living together/going to bed with that person that evening. There is nothing worse to me than going to bed with someone with an unresolved argument. It's a relationship killer in the long-run. 1
Author enchanted771 Posted December 7, 2018 Author Posted December 7, 2018 Enchanted, this is all par for course if you're with someone who's exes are all allegedly crazy. Those exes are probably as normal as you are but he can't see it that way. Yes, he's now painting you as a crazy ex too. Given his history, you can't expect anything else from him.Agree. Instead of being distant he could have told me to stop texting too much. My ex had no issue telling me.
Dodgersfan11 Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 I texted a guy like 11 times after he didn't answer. The next day he told me to "stop texting like a crazy person" Well, I wouldn't had to send 11 texts if he answered the first text. I don't know, 2 texts is sufficient , if no answer let him initiate. But the way I see it, there is no excuse, if the person cared at least say something, don't ignore.
bathtub-row Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 (edited) My son, who’s in his late 20’s, disengages from his phone quite a bit, something I find admirable in this day and age. He doesn’t particularly like talking on the phone that much, either. However, he never ignores his gf, and they’ve been together for 5 yrs. If he doesn’t respond right away, she knows it’s because he’s busy. Take that for whatever it’s worth. Edited December 7, 2018 by bathtub-row
Author enchanted771 Posted December 7, 2018 Author Posted December 7, 2018 My son, who’s in his late 20’s, disengages from his phone quite a bit, something I find admirable in this day and age. He doesn’t particularly like talking on the phone that much, either. However, he never ignores his gf, and they’ve been together for 5 yrs. If he doesn’t respond right away, she knows it’s because he’s busy. Take that for whatever it’s worth. I get that, but what I don’t like is how he handles conflict. He distance himself from the person/situation. That’s how he thinks it will become resolved. I’m my book, that’s called avoidance not resolution.
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