basil67 Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 started at night...sent texts where first I was expressing how I feel he doesn’t have that much time for me. Then in the morning my texts were more like worried...are you ok? Etc. Just getting it straight...you were sending texts about your relationship while he was out with his friends. In a later post, you couldn't understand why he wouldn't acknowledge those posts. I don't suppose this happened on the Saturday night he was out with his mates? Please correct me if I'm wrong, but if my summary above is correct, you were SO out of line. He's out with his mates, he's having fun. It is not the time to expect him to be responding to relationship issues. Thing is, if he'd have responded to you, it would have rewarded your behaviour. Have you given a heartfelt apology and told him that you now realise he did nothing wrong? Have you promised to not do this again? I suspect you have scared him off, but if he does re-engage with you, you will need to be less needy.
diddilybop Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 (edited) Do NOT text, email, call, etc. him. But go find something else to do with your time and when and if he DOES come back (or also good advice for the next guy) do NOT do this sort of thing. Don't text about not having enough time for you, don't send rapid fire texts, don't be like "do you like me, etc" Those are all major turn offs to guys and will send them running pretty quickly. yes, exactly! i also suggested for OP to spend her time doing other things. interestingly, she chose to ignore those beneficial suggestions and instead, kept dwelling on this guy being distant towards her and overanalyzing the situation. now knowing that you texted him questions regarding your relationship while he was out with friends, yikes. that's a big no-no. you wouldn't want him pressing you with serious questions over text when you're just trying to have a good time with your friends, right? Edited December 3, 2018 by diddilybop
DrNo1962 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 I really don’t know what came over me. I sent too many texts and he didn’t reply and I thought he was ignoring me. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to see him for a few days after this incident, but maybe we need a break from eachother just for a few days and we can refresh in a few days...I am going to tell him to take some of the pressure off. If you were blowing up his phone with excessive texting then it is possible he wanted to back away from that. Then again, a man would want to get to the bottom of a problem and resolve things fairly quickly. Masculine energy is about purpose, drive, mission etc. If he's giving you the silent treatment it probably means he's punishing you for the fight you had, over-pursuing him or he's just not congruent with his emotions. All of these are bad character traits just so you know.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 4, 2018 Author Posted December 4, 2018 If you were blowing up his phone with excessive texting then it is possible he wanted to back away from that. Then again, a man would want to get to the bottom of a problem and resolve things fairly quickly. Masculine energy is about purpose, drive, mission etc. If he's giving you the silent treatment it probably means he's punishing you for the fight you had, over-pursuing him or he's just not congruent with his emotions. All of these are bad character traits just so you know. He wasn’t...we had a discussion. My past relationships were not healthy, and went too fast. This one is not being rushed, and he isn’t going to text nonstop like my exes. We text and talk but he’s not up my a**. In the past, I felt if he wasn’t texting me nonstop then he wasn’t that interested and is probably ignoring me.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 4, 2018 Author Posted December 4, 2018 yes, exactly! i also suggested for OP to spend her time doing other things. interestingly, she chose to ignore those beneficial suggestions and instead, kept dwelling on this guy being distant towards her and overanalyzing the situation. now knowing that you texted him questions regarding your relationship while he was out with friends, yikes. that's a big no-no. you wouldn't want him pressing you with serious questions over text when you're just trying to have a good time with your friends, right? No I would not. And you know what? I felt embarrassed.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 4, 2018 Author Posted December 4, 2018 Just getting it straight...you were sending texts about your relationship while he was out with his friends. In a later post, you couldn't understand why he wouldn't acknowledge those posts. I don't suppose this happened on the Saturday night he was out with his mates? Please correct me if I'm wrong, but if my summary above is correct, you were SO out of line. He's out with his mates, he's having fun. It is not the time to expect him to be responding to relationship issues. Thing is, if he'd have responded to you, it would have rewarded your behaviour. Have you given a heartfelt apology and told him that you now realise he did nothing wrong? Have you promised to not do this again? I suspect you have scared him off, but if he does re-engage with you, you will need to be less needy. I didn’t scare him off and yes I did apologize
basil67 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 You say you didn't scare him off when you called all those times. So what caused his current absence? I'm still trying to get to the cause here.....
Author enchanted771 Posted December 4, 2018 Author Posted December 4, 2018 You say you didn't scare him off when you called all those times. So what caused his current absence? I'm still trying to get to the cause here.....well I assumed I was being ignored because he wasn’t texting nonstop.
basil67 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 well I assumed I was being ignored because he wasn’t texting nonstop. But what happened before he stopped texting? I'm looking for a trigger for his change in behaviour.
elaine567 Posted December 4, 2018 Posted December 4, 2018 The big problem is not that the OP texted 5 times, the problem is she has a man who does not answer her texts and is now acting all distant to probably punish her, or to make a point... Interested people act interested. You need this guy like you need a hole in the head. Find a man who will be glad to receive your texts.
olivetree Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 I read a little of your other thread and this honestly seems like a bad start to a relationship that has only been a few weeks in the making. I was under the impression you had been dating longer. It should be fun and lighthearted right now. You're probably not a good fit together. In the future you will get better advice if you keep your threads together or provide more context.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 5, 2018 Author Posted December 5, 2018 But what happened before he stopped texting? I'm looking for a trigger for his change in behaviour. Because my texts made him feel pressured. Not lighthearted or whatever. He seems to withdraw when I do that. We squashed it, had a discussion about it actually yesterday. Reiterated that we’re fine, but he understood that it’s my hormones...I think the whole thing is respecting his private space and not sending novel long texts. When I do that and I don’t wait for a response then send a follow up text, he feels pressured. That’s when he gets distant. When I chill out, he’s back to himself
carhill Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 Yup, respect his cave. When I chill out, he’s back to himself Think of this as a learning experience. If it works out, cool. Still early times. You might actually prefer a less emotional, more of a 'rock', guy. That way he's not phased if/when you blow up. I know MW's like that who will stay with a husband they might not be attracted to anymore but know he can 'handle them' where another guy would show them the door. It's about fit. What works best for you, and him.
bathtub-row Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 Enchanted, do yourself and everyone else involved a huge favor by not having serious conversations via text. It's just plain bad form. It's like putting up whiny posts on facebook. Sometimes I think texting is the best and worst thing that ever happened to relationships. There's this constant need for instant gratification and assurance. I personally think that texting in relationships should be used minimally. It's way too overused and a million assumptions are made when an immediate response isn't given. I think you can figure out that this guy probably isn't nuts about texting or talking on the phone. If he's not spending enough time with you, saying that via text is not the way to approach it. You guys talk about it and if that doesn't resolve anything, then end the relationship. Don't let a guy get you into that needy position and don't let yourself go there. 1
Author enchanted771 Posted December 5, 2018 Author Posted December 5, 2018 Enchanted, do yourself and everyone else involved a huge favor by not having serious conversations via text. It's just plain bad form. It's like putting up whiny posts on facebook. Sometimes I think texting is the best and worst thing that ever happened to relationships. There's this constant need for instant gratification and assurance. I personally think that texting in relationships should be used minimally. It's way too overused and a million assumptions are made when an immediate response isn't given. I think you can figure out that this guy probably isn't nuts about texting or talking on the phone. If he's not spending enough time with you, saying that via text is not the way to approach it. You guys talk about it and if that doesn't resolve anything, then end the relationship. Don't let a guy get you into that needy position and don't let yourself go there. your right. Well he did tell me he doesn’t like hanging on the phone..we spoke about seeing eachother more but now I’m not going to pressure him about it I’m going to lay low for a while
Author enchanted771 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 So I’ve decoded I’m breaking it off. My gut is never wrong. If he were into me I would know. Even if I went overboard with texts. He said he understood. I just don’t feel he’s that interested in me. He insisted we were ok but I don’t believe him for one second. There’s zero communication between us and I just feel he’s not into this relationship anymore.
DrNo1962 Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 So IÂ’ve decoded IÂ’m breaking it off. My gut is never wrong. If he were into me I would know. Even if I went overboard with texts. He said he understood. I just donÂ’t feel heÂ’s that interested in me. He insisted we were ok but I donÂ’t believe him for one second. ThereÂ’s zero communication between us and I just feel heÂ’s not into this relationship anymore. A few questions I have here: 1) Does he still court you? [ie take you on /plan special dates] 2) Have you expressed that you want to hear from him more? 3) Have you backed away to see if he pursues you? 4) Does he do little surprises like leave you notes or write you cards to make you feel special / know he's thinking of you?
Author enchanted771 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 A few questions I have here: 1) Does he still court you? [ie take you on /plan special dates] 2) Have you expressed that you want to hear from him more? 3) Have you backed away to see if he pursues you? 4) Does he do little surprises like leave you notes or write you cards to make you feel special / know he's thinking of you?he does nothing. I’m such a damn fool
preraph Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Boy, it's just sad how many people there are out there who just want convenient sex and don't want to really live and have a well rounded relationship. Good for you. He's a waste of space.
Lotsgoingon Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Well congratulations for taking the initiative to move on. Nine tines out of 10 ... maybe nine-and-half times out of ten, if you're not feeling valued, you aren't valued.
DrNo1962 Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 he does nothing. I’m such a damn fool End it right now. He's too much of a cold fish. You go into a relationship to give. Life's too short to be in a one-sided relationship.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 Boy, it's just sad how many people there are out there who just want convenient sex and don't want to really live and have a well rounded relationship. Good for you. He's a waste of space. not even my ex was this bad. We had our problems but he always made sure I was ok, communicated with me even when we had a fight.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 End it right now. He's too much of a cold fish. You go into a relationship to give. Life's too short to be in a one-sided relationship. I texted him. He ignored me. I’ll try to get my things from him in a few days. If not, he can do whatever. No wonder he’s single
diddilybop Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 he does nothing. I’m such a damn fool i understand it hurts right now, but since he didn't give you what you want and need, it's a good decision to let him go. Lotsofgoingon said it perfectly, be with someone who's excited to be with you - not someone who's just "meh" about it.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Posted December 6, 2018 Well congratulations for taking the initiative to move on. Nine tines out of 10 ... maybe nine-and-half times out of ten, if you're not feeling valued, you aren't valued. he put on a good show.
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