chillii Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 (edited) Could be 50 reasons depends on the couple,the argument, things said, the subject. You might say stuff , some people will say stuff but then just expect it all forgiven and forgotten 10mins later like it was nothing. Other times it could just be some silly argument , but even so l know l sure don't feel all chatty happy after that for awhile , not unless you both just end up somehow making up right then and there what happens sometimes too. Me personally though , it just takes time before l feel like bothering with her for awhile after an argument or worse a fight. Women do the same thing all the time. Edited December 3, 2018 by chillii
kendahke Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 I know that they don’t like to talk about it, but I hate the feeling right now. My boyfriend is distant and all I can do is give him space. I hate not knowing if I’ll be forgiven Well, it's better he takes some space and get his head together than to not do it and say something that will scorch the veneer of good will you maintain towards one another off your relationship that can never been unsaid, unheard or taken back.
Rockdad Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 Speaking for myself should I become distant it's a safe place. In the heat of the moment I don't want to say anything hurtful or argue either one with my wife. In my 1st marriage I vividly remember it was to protect myself.
kendahke Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 just wrong. Apologize, find a solution and move forward. He becomes distant with his own fam when he’s upset, I can imagine what will happen with me Say he will never change how he approaches this. He will never address problems to your satisfaction. Is this something you can live with for the rest of your life and be happy and truly contented with him? Don't let fear of not being in a relationship manipulate your answer---can you be quiet and content with knowing today how he chooses to resolve issues between you two? Because unless he feels motivated to change his whole approach, this is how he's going to roll---and all the name calling and sniping isn't going to make him take on any fundamental changes unless he sees a benefit for him doing so. So, again, can you be content with this. Something to think about--this is how the incompatibility between mismatched people takes form and forcing a fit isn't a sane solution. There will be nothing but unnecessary strife.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 Well, it's better he takes some space and get his head together than to not do it and say something that will scorch the veneer of good will you maintain towards one another off your relationship that can never been unsaid, unheard or taken back.just worried how long this is going to last...and you know, the more you try to reach/contact the person, the longer it will take
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 Say he will never change how he approaches this. He will never address problems to your satisfaction. Is this something you can live with for the rest of your life and be happy and truly contented with him? Don't let fear of not being in a relationship manipulate your answer---can you be quiet and content with knowing today how he chooses to resolve issues between you two? Because unless he feels motivated to change his whole approach, this is how he's going to roll---and all the name calling and sniping isn't going to make him take on any fundamental changes unless he sees a benefit for him doing so. So, again, can you be content with this. Something to think about--this is how the incompatibility between mismatched people takes form and forcing a fit isn't a sane solution. There will be nothing but unnecessary strife.to some degree...IF he communicated to me this is how he is. But would need compromise. I think he tried to hint the other day day that men need space. Because he said that after a period of space the relationship is stronger...
stillafool Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 yes, I understand. I tend to worry though and I like to talk things out. But I get that men don’t want to talk about anything until they have had time to decompress Then give him time to decompress and think of his feelings rather than your own this time. Give him space. Why do you need to be in constant contact with him anyway? I'm sure you must be busy also.
diddilybop Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 for me, when my partner and i get into an argument, i usually tell him that i need to take some space because i can get emotionally charged pretty quickly. since we live together, it's just for like 20 mins to an hour...but with that space, we both feel a lot better afterwards. instead of dwelling so much on when you're going to hear from him, maybe it would be wise to spend your energy elsewhere, hang out with friends, go for a walk, do things that make you happy. let him decompress for a little!
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 Is this the same new BF that you sent 5 unanswered texts to? You & he have different communications styles. He said you were OK. Why don't you trust that? You seem to need a lot more reassurance then he can offer. You will push him away if you don't stop trying to smother him. He's not distant; he's just not as on top of you 24/7 as you seem to want.
Logo Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 As far as I’m concerned once there’s an argument it needs to be talked about and resolved and once it’s resilvd then the couple needs to go back to business as usual.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 Is this the same new BF that you sent 5 unanswered texts to? You & he have different communications styles. He said you were OK. Why don't you trust that? You seem to need a lot more reassurance then he can offer. You will push him away if you don't stop trying to smother him. He's not distant; he's just not as on top of you 24/7 as you seem to want. yes perhaps so...I’m still trying to process it. We were texting off and on yesterday, but his responses were short (he was with fam) so I could tell he was busy. Ended the night replying to his text and he replied hours later. Fine. I replied back but he’s sick so I let him be. I will give him a few days to initiate seeing me but I’m already mentally prepared for it. If he doesn’t step up, no point in continuing the relationship.
basil67 Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 Context is super important with the answer here. If it was a piddling disagreement, then his distance is out of line. But if (for argument's sake) you were being exceedingly needy/demanding/bossy/nagging/name calling, then it would be completely reasonable for him to be away from you figuring out if he wants to continue. Yes, I know I've written two extremes here...it's simply to illustrate a point. So tell us what happened. Is this guy guy you've only been with for a month? What were you arguing about? How did the argument go down? How did you contribute to the argument?
fromheart Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 I know that they don’t like to talk about it, but I hate the feeling right now. My boyfriend is distant and all I can do is give him space. I hate not knowing if I’ll be forgiven Not all men do that, it depends on the individual. I've had women do that, nowadays I'll give them some time to cool off but if they still don't want to talk about it I will end the relationship.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 Not all men do that, it depends on the individual. I've had women do that, nowadays I'll give them some time to cool off but if they still don't want to talk about it I will end the relationship.we squashed it already, but we haven’t made plans to see eachother this week. Probably won’t.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 Context is super important with the answer here. If it was a piddling disagreement, then his distance is out of line. But if (for argument's sake) you were being exceedingly needy/demanding/bossy/nagging/name calling, then it would be completely reasonable for him to be away from you figuring out if he wants to continue. Yes, I know I've written two extremes here...it's simply to illustrate a point. So tell us what happened. Is this guy guy you've only been with for a month? What were you arguing about? How did the argument go down? How did you contribute to the argument? It wasn’t even really an argument. I knew I was wrong by sending him too many texts. He has told me before if he doesn’t reply it doesn’t mean he’s ignoring me but he’s busy. My anxiety got the best of me and it made me look bad. Next day, we spoke briefly on the phone basically to squash it, and move forward. I am not expecting him to get over it so fast, so I’m respecting his space (even though I don’t like it) and maybe next week we will have another discussion about it
Gretchen12 Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 A couple of reasons: - to punish (the fight continues) - not sure if he wants to continue (if major differences surfaced) - can't trust himself to stay calm (if he went crazy) - can't face the stress (needs to decompress) - afraid he'll say the wrong thing (he still cares about your approval) No idea.
olivetree Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 Can you give some context here... what sort of texts did you send and how spaced apart? I'm wondering if you blame yourself too much.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 Can you give some context here... what sort of texts did you send and how spaced apart? I'm wondering if you blame yourself too much. started at night...sent texts where first I was expressing how I feel he doesn’t have that much time for me. Then in the morning my texts were more like worried...are you ok? Etc.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 Not all men do that, it depends on the individual. I've had women do that, nowadays I'll give them some time to cool off but if they still don't want to talk about it I will end the relationship. which is what I’ll end up doing if he doesn’t. I’m not settling
olivetree Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 started at night...sent texts where first I was expressing how I feel he doesn’t have that much time for me. Then in the morning my texts were more like worried...are you ok? Etc. So you two have an anxious-avoidant thing going on. Look it up. My fiance and I used to be like this till he stopped being avoidant. Then I stopped feeling anxious. How long have you been together? Is it serious? While I don't think that you should have those types of serious convos by text, I don't think he should just ignore you either. It is the kind of relationship / person that will make you more anxious and it's not healthy for you.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 So you two have an anxious-avoidant thing going on. Look it up. My fiance and I used to be like this till he stopped being avoidant. Then I stopped feeling anxious. How long have you been together? Is it serious? While I don't think that you should have those types of serious convos by text, I don't think he should just ignore you either. It is the kind of relationship / person that will make you more anxious and it's not healthy for you. More than likely, it’s going to end soon. He wasn’t ignoring me because I knew he was out with his friends. But you have a point, where his personality type just isn’t attentive. He always has his phone on him so I really have a hard time believing it takes that long to reply to a text.
olivetree Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 More than likely, it’s going to end soon. He wasn’t ignoring me because I knew he was out with his friends. But you have a point, where his personality type just isn’t attentive. He always has his phone on him so I really have a hard time believing it takes that long to reply to a text. Okay so maybe he is just not very into the relationship? If it's not meeting your needs, you might feel better if you are the one to end it.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 Okay so maybe he is just not very into the relationship? If it's not meeting your needs, you might feel better if you are the one to end it.well, I certainly am not going to wait for him to come around. I was going to give home some space but I think it’s best we get it out on the table.
preraph Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 Some people need to digest what happened first before they spew more about it. If he comes around and discusses it calmly later, then I wouldn't worry about him disappearing right after. But if he just brushes it under the rug and won't resolve anything unless he's getting his way, that's a problem.
Wallysbears Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 You smothered him/scared him off with being too talky talky/needy too fast. Do NOT text, email, call, etc. him. If you even THINK about texting, emailing, calling....call a friend, go for a walk, etc. If he likes you enough he MAY come back if you don't go chasing him. But go find something else to do with your time and when and if he DOES come back (or also good advice for the next guy) do NOT do this sort of thing. Don't text about not having enough time for you, don't send rapid fire texts, don't be like "do you like me, etc" Those are all major turn offs to guys and will send them running pretty quickly.
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