enchanted771 Posted December 2, 2018 Posted December 2, 2018 I really don’t know what came over me. I sent too many texts and he didn’t reply and I thought he was ignoring me. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to see him for a few days after this incident, but maybe we need a break from eachother just for a few days and we can refresh in a few days...I am going to tell him to take some of the pressure off.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 2, 2018 Posted December 2, 2018 Why did you text him so much, and what did you say? What's the context here?
preraph Posted December 2, 2018 Posted December 2, 2018 A good rule of thumb is not to text someone until they text you back. Realize there are texts that don't need a reply, too. Let the thread end. That's what works' people's nerves. Text whatever, get a reply. Let it drop and move on with your day. Then you can text again because he texted last, or maybe he will.
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2018 Posted December 2, 2018 After you made a pest of yourself by contacting him too much, contacting him again to tell him you are going to back off will backfire. Your hopeful message will fall on deaf ears. Instead, actually back off & let him come to you. You can reach out in 1-2 weeks, not before.
SophieG Posted December 2, 2018 Posted December 2, 2018 This all depends... what were the texts messages, and in what context? My friend usually sends multiple texts because she only writes one sentence a text whereas I write big ones, so I don't send as much as she does. As it was mentioned, some texts do not need a reply (even though we often feel ignored when someone sees a text but doesn't answer). In all those texts you sent, did you ask him why he wasn't answering and all? Because, in my experience, guys HATE that. If he's busy and he feels like you're being insistent, he won't answer. I'd do as @d0nnivain said, just stop. Let things go for a few days and wait to see if he reaches out. When I started dating this guy, there was a situation where I acted a stupid and I saw in his texts that he was angry. So I tried to explain myself and sent a few texts in a row. At some point, I realized I was being crazy and I just stopped texting him. He wrote 2 days later saying we should talk over the phone and that he was still a little angry about the situation. I answer : Sure, tell me when... took another 2 days for him to reply. In the end, it all worked out, but if I had continued to text him, I don't think we would of made it.
smackie9 Posted December 2, 2018 Posted December 2, 2018 (edited) I really don’t know what came over me. I sent too many texts and he didn’t reply and I thought he was ignoring me. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to see him for a few days after this incident, but maybe we need a break from eachother just for a few days and we can refresh in a few days...I am going to tell him to take some of the pressure off. He didn't reply because he simply didn't want to regardless of how many you sent. He could be busy, or he just didn't feel like it. I'm sure you will find out eventually what if anything is wrong. Edited December 2, 2018 by smackie9
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 This all depends... what were the texts messages, and in what context? My friend usually sends multiple texts because she only writes one sentence a text whereas I write big ones, so I don't send as much as she does. As it was mentioned, some texts do not need a reply (even though we often feel ignored when someone sees a text but doesn't answer). In all those texts you sent, did you ask him why he wasn't answering and all? Because, in my experience, guys HATE that. If he's busy and he feels like you're being insistent, he won't answer. I'd do as @d0nnivain said, just stop. Let things go for a few days and wait to see if he reaches out. When I started dating this guy, there was a situation where I acted a stupid and I saw in his texts that he was angry. So I tried to explain myself and sent a few texts in a row. At some point, I realized I was being crazy and I just stopped texting him. He wrote 2 days later saying we should talk over the phone and that he was still a little angry about the situation. I answer : Sure, tell me when... took another 2 days for him to reply. In the end, it all worked out, but if I had continued to text him, I don't think we would of made it. I’m not going to text him anymore and we can talk about it in a couple days. I need to give it time to cool down...it’s still too new. Thankfully, I didn’t ask why he isn’t replying, but I know from past experience not to. He did say we’re fine so I’ll leave it alone.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 He didn't reply because he simply didn't want to regardless of how many you sent. He could be busy, or he just didn't feel like it. I'm sure you will find out eventually what if anything is wrong.nothing was wrong. He was more upset by the amount of texts I sent. I apologized, said it wouldn’t happen again. He said we’re fine and I left it at that. Giving him some space to let the situation cool down, then we can talk...
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 If she said you are "fine" sit back & see if he proves that by contacting you.
diddilybop Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 i agree with the other posters. you don't need to tell him that you're going to give him some space, just actually do it and let things cool off for a little. let him reach out to you.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 nothing was wrong. He was more upset by the amount of texts I sent. I apologized, said it wouldn’t happen again. He said we’re fine and I left it at that. Giving him some space to let the situation cool down, then we can talk... What did you say in these texts, OP? And how many did you send?
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 i agree with the other posters. you don't need to tell him that you're going to give him some space, just actually do it and let things cool off for a little. let him reach out to you.yes, I understand. I tend to worry though and I like to talk things out. But I get that men don’t want to talk about anything until they have had time to decompress
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 What did you say in these texts, OP? And how many did you send?it wasn’t really anything bad but it was like 5 texts
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 I know that they don’t like to talk about it, but I hate the feeling right now. My boyfriend is distant and all I can do is give him space. I hate not knowing if I’ll be forgiven
BaileyB Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 The "silent treatment" that continues for a long time after a disagreement is not a healthy behavior in a relationship. OP, if you find that he is getting upset after something little (like sending too many texts) and he gives you the silent treatment for an extended period of time... You would be wise to rethink this relationship. A mature man with good conflict resolution skills would not do this to you.
amaysngrace Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 Women do it too and it’s a very unhealthy way of dealing with disagreements. Some people would rather let their feelings fester than air them out and because they haven’t been processed properly they’ll snowball into ever disagreement down the road. It’s a totally immature approach.
brigit87 Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 I know that they don’t like to talk about it, but I hate the feeling right now. My boyfriend is distant and all I can do is give him space. I hate not knowing if I’ll be forgiven It's not a gender thing. After a fight with my husband I need a good amount of time to become emotionally regulated again. Give him his space. He'll alert you when he's ready to go back to normal.
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 The "silent treatment" that continues for a long time after a disagreement is not a healthy behavior in a relationship. OP, if you find that he is getting upset after something little (like sending too many texts) and he gives you the silent treatment for an extended period of time... You would be wise to rethink this relationship. A mature man with good conflict resolution skills would not do this to you. he’s not really giving me the silent treatment but he’s distant...we spoke on the phone once and spoke about the situation...we were supposed to talk later but he was with fam couldn’t talk. My texts were a little over the top. Because when he didn’t reply in the morning I ask if he’s ok and to call me. This irritated him. We seemed to have squashed it, but I find he’s not the same. I mean I get it, my ex was the same way...it would take a couple days or so to decompress. I just hope I didn’t mess things up.
zouz71 Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 It is a form of Passive aggressiveness that exists on some men as well as some women .
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 It is a form of Passive aggressiveness that exists on some men as well as some women .just wrong. Apologize, find a solution and move forward. He becomes distant with his own fam when he’s upset, I can imagine what will happen with me
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 Thanks for the generalisation OP.Its nothing personal, but in my experience, this is what has happened with me
Author enchanted771 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 The "silent treatment" that continues for a long time after a disagreement is not a healthy behavior in a relationship. OP, if you find that he is getting upset after something little (like sending too many texts) and he gives you the silent treatment for an extended period of time... You would be wise to rethink this relationship. A mature man with good conflict resolution skills would not do this to you.what is a long time?
BaileyB Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 You tell us... he also does this with his family, so what does that look like? I will say, when little things like this come up for me it takes a few hours apart for reason to prevail - there are no big talks, we both just realize that it is silly, someone apologizes if necessary, and then we move on... If he gets upset over a few texts, imagine what life will be like with this guy when you are living together or married and you are dealing with the big issues in life.
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