Me ( female 26) can’t get over the dream of getting with my friend with benefit

[Msday91]

So I had an awful break up over a year ago ( used to post on here about it) during the months that followed that break up ( I was so so sad constantly) I met - let’s call him josh at a work do. Josh was gorgeous and the sexual chemistry could’ve been cut with a knife. After seeing him a few times at work events we decided to go for a drink. He made out that his intentions weren’t purely sexual and that he wanted to get to know me for me, months later we had insane sex to the point I literally fell in love and dreamed of a future with him. Don’t get me wrong, personality wise we barely have anything in common but here I am bout a year later heart broken that after confessing my love he doesn’t feel the same way.

The thing is, I’ve been in a new relationship since early October ( haven’t seen josh since August as this is around the time I told him how I feel and he said we had agreed to keep it physical - erm no we didn’t! ) spoke to josh this week and told him I’m in a relationship but can’t get him off my mind he was happy for me that I’m in a new relationship and suggested we meet up once last time as a goodbye - very tempted. Is this normal to be in to two people at once? I feel like I’m skeptical of going in to deep with my current partner he sometimes says he can’t handle my sexual history ( I’ve only slept with two other guys he’s slept with over 20) and this makes me insecure.

Anyway, is it normal to be so deeply infatuated by a friend with benefit it feels literally like I’ll never move on and that I’m in love !?

[PegNosePete]

he was happy for me that I’m in a new relationship and suggested we meet up once last time as a goodbye - very tempted. Is this normal

It is not normal to cheat on your partner with your ex-FWB, no.

 

If he really was happy for you then he would never suggest such a thing. If he really cared about your feelings then he wouldn't suggest something which is going to affect you emotionally and potentially ruin your relationship. He just wants to get his rocks off one last time and couldn't give 2 hoots about what it would do to you and your relationship. You say you love him and he KNOWS how you feel, and he KNOWS what it would do to you. But he obviously doesn't give a monkey's whatsits about you or your feelings, he only cares about getting some sex, even if it leads to you getting even more hurt.

 

What a complete douchebag he is. With "friends" like him who needs enemies? You should cut him off.

[elaine567]

^^^ Listen to Pete please.

[ExpatInItaly]

Your former FWB is a dirtbag, OP.

 

A decent guy would not suggest meeting up with his taken former fling to "say goodbye." He knows what's up, and he's after more sex.

 

Do not go through with this. It's a terrible idea, and very unfair to your boyfriend. Perhaps you are insecure in this new relationship, but that does not give you permission to act like this.

 

To answer your original question, yes, it can happen that someone has feelings for a couple people at the same time. You are infatuated with this exFWB. You will get over him, but meeting up to say goodbye, or even continuing to be in contact with him at all, won't get you there.

[stillafool]

Like a lot of women you confuse good sex with love. He was good in bed so you fell in love with him. He obviously didn't feel the same about you or he wouldn't have been happy that you found a guy and are now in a relationship. He never thought more of you than a sexual fling. He knows you are thirsty for him so he is willing to put out again but doesn't want you. If you have sex with him just know it is only momentary pleasure and more than likely you will get caught and lose the guy you're with now. That is probably a good thing because if you are thinking about cheating on him for your fling, you don't deserve him anyway.

[stillafool]

It is not normal to cheat on your partner with your ex-FWB, no.

 

If he really was happy for you then he would never suggest such a thing. If he really cared about your feelings then he wouldn't suggest something which is going to affect you emotionally and potentially ruin your relationship. He just wants to get his rocks off one last time and couldn't give 2 hoots about what it would do to you and your relationship. You say you love him and he KNOWS how you feel, and he KNOWS what it would do to you. But he obviously doesn't give a monkey's whatsits about you or your feelings, he only cares about getting some sex, even if it leads to you getting even more hurt.

 

What a complete douchebag he is. With "friends" like him who needs enemies? You should cut him off.

 

To be fair he doesn't owe OP anything. He probably feels if she doesn't care enough for her bf not to cheat on him, why should he care. He knows this girl wants him and he likes sex. I think he is actually happy that she is with someone else because that takes pressure off of him. He can have sex with her without worrying about her feelings because he can always use the "but you have a bf" excuse to exit. I think the douchebag is OP because she is the one who wants to cheat on her bf. She already knows the deal with the other guy but still wants to cheat.

[Msday91]

To be fair he doesn't owe OP anything. He probably feels if she doesn't care enough for her bf not to cheat on him, why should he care. He knows this girl wants him and he likes sex. I think he is actually happy that she is with someone else because that takes pressure off of him. He can have sex with her without worrying about her feelings because he can always use the "but you have a bf" excuse to exit. I think the douchebag is OP because she is the one who wants to cheat on her bf. She already knows the deal with the other guy but still wants to cheat.

 

No no I didn’t say I want to cheat I said is it a good idea to say goodbye and get closure basically as fwb said I could come round for a drink and sleep in different beds - I said no but I don’t know if that would’ve helped me move forward I didn’t say I will sleep with him now I’m taken

[stillafool]

No no I didn’t say I want to cheat I said is it a good idea to say goodbye and get closure basically as fwb said I could come round for a drink and sleep in different beds - I said no but I don’t know if that would’ve helped me move forward I didn’t say I will sleep with him now I’m taken

 

But you and I both know you would have sex with him if you showed up to get "closure". What closure do you need from him? You two were only FWB for a short period of time. Any closure you may think you need could be done over the phone. No need to meet up.

[d0nnivain]

The only good idea here is for you to take that conversation as your closure. You don't even realize how much Josh insulted you. His invitation for drinks is essentially him saying to you that he'll bang you one more time for old times sake because he "knows" you are so desperate & have such low morals that you will cheat on your new BF to make that happen. Seriously rethink about Josh's invitation in the way I have decoded it for you & figure out what you want to do next? If you meet Josh for drinks your BF will be justified in dumping you.

[ExpatInItaly]

No no I didn’t say I want to cheat I said is it a good idea to say goodbye and get closure basically as fwb said I could come round for a drink and sleep in different beds - I said no but I don’t know if that would’ve helped me move forward I didn’t say I will sleep with him now I’m taken

 

No, this is not a good idea.

 

If you don't think your FWB is trying to get you into bed one more time, girl....come on, now. Having a sleepover with drinks at an old f-buddy's house? I am going to assume you're not really this naive.

 

Why don't you ask your boyfriend what he thinks of this "closure" talk? That will tell you how shady this whole idea is.

[loversquarrel]

It's a bad idea and certainly not necessary. If you haven't gotten over this guy you really shouldn't be in a relationship with someone else.

 

My current wife was speaking with an ex fwb while we were in an exclusive relationship without my knowledge. I found out on my own and basically explained to her the concept of emotional cheating and if she felt better talking to him instead of me that was fine, but I wasn't going to stick around for that as I would rather use my time to find someone else. Needless to say that was the last time she spoke with him and it set us back by about four years as far as my willingness to marry her.

 

Talk to your boyfriend first and allow him the decision of sticking around or not.

[PegNosePete]

he was happy for me that I’m in a new relationship and suggested we meet up once last time as a goodbye - very tempted

fwb said I could come round for a drink and sleep in different beds

You have got to be kidding right? You're either changing your story to appear more innocent (not sure why on an anonymous forum), or you're incredibly naive.

 

An ex FWB asks to meet up one last time, that means ONE thing and ONE thing alone. Why would you be "very tempted" if you thought it was all innocent and above board?

 

How does your boyfriend fell about this invitation? You did tell him about it, didn't you? I mean if it's all so innocent then there's no reason to hide it, right?

[guest569]

Just a minor detail but how on earth is he your FWB? He's a guy that you were dating who seems to have completely mislead you. If he wanted to keep it physical he should have said so. What a prick he is! Open your eyes, see him for what he actually is, and forget him. This ain't FWB. He ain't friendship material.

[BC1980]

This is why it's unwise for women to get involved in FWB situations. Women get a lot more attached to men they've had sex with. This guy is basically telling you to come back around so he can have sex with you, but he wants nothing futher from you. It's insulting when you look at it like that.