dietary incompatibility

[diddilybop]

So wait, hang on a second. So this guy is a vegan, he does yoga, he holds opposing political beliefs, and he doesn’t have a pile of accumulated wealth that you say you’re looking for.

 

Why, exactly, are you considering a date with him?

 

That sounds like the epitome of wasting your time. Are you struggling to find men who are like-minded in these ways? You do not seem open minded to his lifestyle, so why waste your time considering someone with whom you obviously share little in common? And these are not small, “he likes football but I’d rather watch the nba” type differences—these are foundational differences.

 

I dunno. You sound like you’re barking up the wrong tree here. It’s okay to next people based on these factors. You don’t need to give everyone a chance.

 

ahh, i missed that part. in the beginning of this thread, him being a vegan seemed like a small detail but yeah, OP this is bigger than just "i like the rolling stones but he loves nine inch nails.". this is definitely about fundamentals, SIGNIFICANT ones too. and if you don't agree with his, then this is definitely not worth your time or his. youneed to be happy.

 

as another poster said, it seems like you've already made up your mind about him, it's clear that you're not attracted (which is fine, we like what we like), so, it's not a good idea to meet him. try to meet someone who has the same beliefs and ideals as you...but at the same time, do your best to slow down and to not immediately go into a negative mindset with people who you haven't even met yet. and with that, you'll have a much more enjoyable time with dating.

 

 

also, my partner does yoga, enjoys his steak, plays basketball and fixes/races cars - he's quite manly to me

[Noproblem]

I was going to respond to OP that it probably won't be an issue, but after reading this, yeah, it could be, if OP's date is like this. Way too many rules involved in what I'm allowed to eat. And if it matters, I buy farm eggs, don't eat chicken for factory reasons, won't order foie gras, and care about where my meat comes from. But I don't think it would work if I accidentally offended someone because I ordered Peking duck.

 

Yeah, but would you date someone who eats dogs or cats? ( you know some people eat them and it's perfectly fine for them to eat them)

 

It's the same for me, I love ducks, I can't tolerate it if you eat them in front of me.

 

I mean if we are just acquaintances, oh I won't even say anything, but if we are best friends, family members, or partners, I would be sad that you eat them in front of me even though you know that I love them so much.

[Noproblem]

Let's face it here, you are conservatives who can't see a liberal guy as a man.

 

Just let this guy go on his own merry way and let him find a girl that will like him with all his special qualities.....

 

You, on the other hand, will not like him and will never like him, you might end up making him feel less than a man for his choices in life. This is insane.

 

I am sorry but a real man is a man who loves, protects, supports, and embraces.

 

It has nothing to do with him doing yoga or eating veggies or meat!

[fieldoflavender]

He has other attributes that are desirable to me in a partner and potential future income and I can not outline them here without giving away too much personal information. Those things are attractive to me and personality wise, there are other things that are attractive.

 

Alas, in life, you can not have it all. Yes to me, it is a bigger aspect than just a simple dietary compromise. Because it's about a choice.

 

Anyways, I will give it one chance. Well the issue is if we could have just met earlier on instead of giving me all this time to think it over, it would have been easier. Except we have incredibly busy schedules and don't live super close so the meeting was delayed.

 

I guess I will see how much in real life he is.

 

No I don't like Liberal values for the most part. I agree with respect LGBTQ, not being racist, not being a jerk, but all the other virtue signalling makes me madder than anything.

 

I guess that's what getting to know them is about - helps the decision making.

 

I guess I have done like 100 first dates in the last couple of years (not exaggerating) so I am like getting a bit sick of bad first dates.

 

But meh, what's another one.

[fieldoflavender]

<snip>

IMO a key variable for this kind to work is a good cook, someone who knows their way around the kitchen easily, someone who can cook a meal off the cuff without cookbooks and the internet. Someone who knows food, ingredients, flavor profiles and cooking techniques. If I'd had those skills, my daughters becoming vegan wouldn't have been so traumatic.

 

How particular was she on the oils? I feel like removing eggs and meat is not necessarily that difficult (although just making a NEW meal which is a lot of work). But if I had to go shop for different types of oils, like no thanks.

 

Maybe I could hire a cook and they could cater both of our meals - problem solved? That sounds expensive, and if I have to foot the entire bill, I guess I may grow resentful.

 

But haha, it's not just about this dude - my plan is to get a cook when I have a family. I make more money doing my job than cooking and shopping. I'd rather work an extra hour and use it to pay for the cook rather than cook.

Edited December 7, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[bathtub-row]

Honestly, it would bother me. I mean, would he ever grill a steak for you? A guy at the grill - is there anything more charming? Lol. Seriously, it would kind of get on my nerves.

 

This isn’t the same guy with the money issues, is it? Strike two?

[introverted1]

What do you mean you googled “what vegans do”? What did you read?

 

I can tell you what vegans do. We CARE. We care about the cruelty of animals, our environment and our planet, we care about our health and we care for others. We’re a compassionate people. That’s what we all have in common.

 

So yes, perhaps you are intolerant. I’m glad you at least recognize that in yourself.

 

Yep.

 

I feel it's an ethical decision, not just a dietary preference.

 

This is exactly it. It's an ethical position to do the least harm possible to other living creatures.

[bathtub-row]

Yep.

 

This is exactly it. It's an ethical position to do the least harm possible to other living creatures.

 

Tell that to the lions in the jungle.

 

Seriously, while I totally get it - and appreciate- not harming other animals, it’s actually not healthy for some people to live the vegan life. If you ever read the Eat Right for Your Type book, there’s only a small percentage of people who thrive on just veggies - the A blood types. But for other blood types, that’s not the case. AB types can also probably get away with it but not so much the other types.

 

Where I think the focus needs to be is animals being treated humanely. The places that treat them in so many horrible ways is unconscionable and those practices should be outlawed. If I find out that they treat animals badly, I never buy from them again. Tyson being a perfect example. But lots of businesses are now becoming more conscientious about this issue because people are outraged, and rightfully so.

 

I love animals of every kind and I detest hearing about any kind of abuse. But humans are meat eaters and that fact isn’t going to go away. But you never see a lion torture it’s prey, nor should we.

[introverted1]

Tell that to the lions in the jungle.

 

Seriously, while I totally get it - and appreciate- not harming other animals, it’s actually not healthy for some people to live the vegan life. If you ever read the Eat Right for Your Type book, there’s only a small percentage of people who thrive on just veggies - the A blood types. But for other blood types, that’s not the case. AB types can also probably get away with it but not so much the other types.

 

Where I think the focus needs to be is animals being treated humanely. The places that treat them in so many horrible ways is unconscionable and those practices should be outlawed. If I find out that they treat animals badly, I never buy from them again. Tyson being a perfect example. But lots of businesses are now becoming more conscientious about this issue because people are outraged, and rightfully so.

 

I love animals of every kind and I detest hearing about any kind of abuse. But humans are meat eaters and that fact isn’t going to go away. But you never see a lion torture it’s prey, nor should we.

 

Blood type diets have no scientific validity.

 

And we are not lions. Nor carnivores.

 

Humane meat is a myth.

[preraph]

Three of my vegan friends, all but one, was told they must eat meat by their doctors because it was making them very unhealthy and one became diabetic. She was a very healthy eating vegan, very educated on it, but she needs meat and not carbs all the time. She's now able to control her diabetes with her light meat balanced diet. One, who has psoriatic arthritis, an immune type disease, severely degraded just since being with her bean burrito guy and had to increase her strong drugs. I doubt she's still eating right. She's not a vegan. It's just the influence of her boyfriend. In fact, how she handled it after running her health down is confining him to only see him on weekends so she could eat some meat during the week, but he is pushy (SURPRISE free burritos) so I am about to have dinner with her hopefully this week and see how she's doing.

 

Some people can do it and some are just hurting themselves. One of my old friends I no longer see was in the entertainment business, and she dieted all the time because her genetics would have her be naturally thick. So she ate vegan and didn't eat proper high nutrient stuff either for a long time, and she was always laying on her couch with a stomach ache and sick in the stomach a lot. Starving herself to death.

[eleanorrigby]

How particular was she on the oils? I feel like removing eggs and meat is not necessarily that difficult (although just making a NEW meal which is a lot of work). But if I had to go shop for different types of oils, like no thanks.

 

Maybe I could hire a cook and they could cater both of our meals - problem solved? That sounds expensive, and if I have to foot the entire bill, I guess I may grow resentful.

 

But haha, it's not just about this dude - my plan is to get a cook when I have a family. I make more money doing my job than cooking and shopping. I'd rather work an extra hour and use it to pay for the cook rather than cook.

 

My main problem was just being at a loss, overwhelmed and headless chicken running all around the kitchen but there were lots of side issues as well.

I need a recipe for pretty much every meal, so it just sucked.

Dinnertime, I'm thinking spag and meatballs. Sounds easy, but it was just a mess of extra dishes and confusion trying to follow the steps of my recipe and figuring out how to incorporate the vegan part.

 

I was constantly "oh wait.. I need to.."

"crap I forgot the..."

"wait..I shouldn't have..."

 

Nope.. it's just not for me.

She even got angry with me on Thanksgiving because she wanted to make a vegan pumpkin cheesecake. I got the Tofutti fake cream cheese and canned pumpkin but I messed up and got honey graham crackers. Had to send her father out to the store to get a box of vegan friendly crackers.

(also, no one ate any of that cheesecake besides her, and I bet dollars to doughnuts she tossed the other 4 slices in the garbage a few days later wasting my $25 of ingredients I bought for her. She doesn't like leftovers lol)

 

Sigh, I just don't want to be bothered with it.

 

Even going to get takeout for a group is annoying when I need to accommodate her.

I'll have 4-5 people who are fine with XYZ restaurant, but I have to make a special trip to a different one for her food. In the meantime, everyone else's food is getting cold and I'm burning gas going to her vegan place.

 

 

If I were you, I'd go on a few dates, why not, dates are fun but try not to let yourself get swept away.

 

It's these niggly little silly things like diet differences that you think you can deal with when you're madly in love with someone that drives you up a wall when the oxytocin finally dies down.

Edited December 7, 2018 by eleanorrigby

[d0nnivain]

He has other attributes that are desirable to me in a partner and potential future income and I can not outline them here without giving away too much personal information. Those things are attractive to me and personality wise, there are other things that are attractive.

 

Alas, in life, you can not have it all. Yes to me, it is a bigger aspect than just a simple dietary compromise. Because it's about a choice.

 

Anyways, I will give it one chance. <snip>

 

 

It's another example of you failing to apply your own filters to pre-screen your dates. You already have such a negative opinion of this man from his diet, to your vision of what sexy is & now his personal philosophy / values.

 

I suspect this is not going to go well unless you can truly come to this date with an open mind & an open heart.

Edited December 7, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[losangelena]

Wholeheartedly agree with the above.

 

Of course compromise is necessary in any relationship, but OP you do not sound open minded about this man, you sound like you’re standing in judgement of his lifestyle and opinions. It’s that attitude—not your inherent differences—that will cause this to crash and burn.

[bathtub-row]

Three of my vegan friends, all but one, was told they must eat meat by their doctors because it was making them very unhealthy and one became diabetic. She was a very healthy eating vegan, very educated on it, but she needs meat and not carbs all the time. She's now able to control her diabetes with her light meat balanced diet. One, who has psoriatic arthritis, an immune type disease, severely degraded just since being with her bean burrito guy and had to increase her strong drugs. I doubt she's still eating right. She's not a vegan. It's just the influence of her boyfriend. In fact, how she handled it after running her health down is confining him to only see him on weekends so she could eat some meat during the week, but he is pushy (SURPRISE free burritos) so I am about to have dinner with her hopefully this week and see how she's doing.

 

Some people can do it and some are just hurting themselves. One of my old friends I no longer see was in the entertainment business, and she dieted all the time because her genetics would have her be naturally thick. So she ate vegan and didn't eat proper high nutrient stuff either for a long time, and she was always laying on her couch with a stomach ache and sick in the stomach a lot. Starving herself to death.

 

I agree. The blood type diet I mentioned earlier was studied by one dr and then passed down to his son. Altogether it was 50 years of research when the book was written and still continues as far as I know. I’d say that’s pretty valid. Plus, as you pointed out, there are real life examples of people not doing well on meatless diets. I know of someone who did it for years and was extremely unhealthy. When she started eating meat again, her health improved. She was very saddened at how she had compromised her health in such a way for so long. Vegan IS NOT for everyone.

 

The truth is, humans are animals and we are, for the most part, predators. Civilization may have changed how that looks but put us square back into nature with just a cave and some rocks, and we would be predators in every sense of the word - and prey.

[preraph]

^ Yeah. I mean, we are omnivores, but the truth is it is in very limited climates that humans could have existed as a species on vegetation alone. Because in the winter when the ground is frozen, meat was the only thing our ancestors got through the winter on. Eventually, we learned to preserve some food in certain climates to aid in that, but going back, we wouldn't have survived anywhere except year-round warm climates on vegetation, so we're not all built for it.

 

I applaud those who want to save the lives of animals and especially end cruelty. I have no problem with that. And many of my friends are bent this way. But most of them can't do it forever without compromising their health. But some people can. It helps a whole lot if you just add dairy. To me, there is no more natural wholesome food than eggs and milk. And done right, it doesn't hurt animals.

 

You know, if the whole world became vegan today all at once, the existing cattle would die out and just not be here anymore. Honestly, I think it's a shame the faux leather is leaving a major part of cattle unused today. I believe in using the whole animal if you're going to kill it for food. It's a big waste. And it's driving up meat prices, and we need meat, most of us.

[hotpotato]

I'm vegetarian, and I've always dated meat eaters. The diet hasn't been much of a problem. Most places have vegetarian options.

[fieldoflavender]

It didn't work out. It wasn't antagonists, the diet contributed to me not wanting to continue with it but it's not the only reason why it ultimately won't work. His work became evidently too unstable and that was his promising attribute before. But he was a nice guy and it wasn't a bad guy. Oh well next.

 

And yes I agree ultimately I probably can't do vegan. Vegetarian maybe...

[amaysngrace]

Dinnertime, I'm thinking spag and meatballs. Sounds easy, but it was just a mess of extra dishes and confusion trying to follow the steps of my recipe and figuring out how to incorporate the vegan part.

 

This one is so easy. Before you add meat or cheese to your pot of gravy set some aside in a small pot of its own. Most boxed pastas are vegan. When it’s time to plate it up just use the reserved marinara on her spaghetti and dinner is served.

 

If you’d like to do something extra nice you could throw in a few Gardein meatballs into her gravy. She’d probably appreciate that. I know it seems like they’re expensive but for $5 you get two or three meals.

[Robert]

With that I think the thread has run it's course, closed unless the thread starter wants it re-opened and then just alert on my post and we will open it up, thanks all who rendered advice.