dietary incompatibility

[fieldoflavender]

Yes, unfortunately I'm lately been dealing with all these "incompabilties" but life is not perfect right?

 

So this guy that otherwise has good potential that I've been talking to online - I just realize he is vegan. He says he doesn't mind if I'm not and won't be upset if I eat meat in front of him. But don't you think it would make life and going out very difficult in the future?

 

I think I will still meet him and give him a chance. But has anyone else dealt with this?

[diddilybop]

if he's not bothered by your dietary choices, then it's fine. it's not necessarily an "incompatibility".

 

when my cousin and her husband were first dating, he didn't mind that she wasn't vegan and ate meat, vice versa. i have a best friend who's vegetarian and her long-term boyfriend eats meat, and it's all good. while you two haven't met yet, just be respectful and considerate (in terms of ingredients) if you happen to make a meal together.

[GinON]

Its easier if you both have the same diet but its no big deal if they arent trying to convert you!

 

Just ignore it at a restaurant, its irritating to have meat eaters making vegetarian suggestions off the menu when you are a vegetarian.

 

Carnivore: "Hey, there is a salad here on page three, maybe you can ask to hold the chicken."

Veg: "Gee, thanks...(thinks, how the F does this knucklehead think I have survived 10+ years eating plants? Asking carnivores what's on the menu)?"

 

In fact, try not to make a big deal out of it at all, its a tedious topic for us especially if its not a new "diet". We like to tell new people so they dont invite us to BBQ or Steak houses not as a opening for the topic of discussion. Maybe after a few dates and you are really getting to know each other, but not a first meal conversation. Also AppleBee's has nothing we can eat at all, worthless restaurant for vegetarians.

 

Long term, we will be healthier so if things work out, you have that to look forward to!

Edited December 3, 2018 by GinON

[fieldoflavender]

Well for me it's also a why as well. I have a friend who is vegetarian because she was brought up that way so she's not going to start eating meat all of a sudden. But I guess just as I don't like to judge other people for their life decisions, I also don't want to be judged for mine, so I was about to write him off if he was going to be someone who would make me feel guilty every time I eat meat (I am not going to give it up), but it seems like he isn't (or so he says so far)?

 

I guess the other thing is I hate cooking, so I feel like how would meals at home even work - ok restaurants, I could go to a grill house I guess with friends or family but like what about day to day meals?

 

My ex was someone who had probably to be frank an eating disorder on only eating very very very particular things and it stressed me out a lot going out trying to find something for him. But even he was okay making food for me.

 

And while it's thinking far too ahead, I would never want any potential kids I ever have to be so limited in their choices so they have to go looking around for specific restaurants when they go out. I mean if I do it because I out of loving someone choose to accept it as they accept things about me and compromise, I don't think it's fair for parents to impose that on their kids. I want them to have the freedom to make their own choices.

[diddilybop]

I guess the other thing is I hate cooking, so I feel like how would meals at home even work - ok restaurants, I could go to a grill house I guess with friends or family but like what about day to day meals?

 

And while it's thinking far too ahead, I would never want any potential kids I ever have to be so limited in their choices so they have to go looking around for specific restaurants when they go out. I mean if I do it because I out of loving someone choose to accept it as they accept things about me and compromise, I don't think it's fair for parents to impose that on their kids. I want them to have the freedom to make their own choices.

 

eating vegan-friendly meals isn't just salad or steamed veggies, haha. there are plenty of delicious vegan dishes that are just as hearty and flavorful as a typical omnivore diet. again, while you two still haven't met yet, maybe if things do go well, he can cook up something for both of you!

 

to me, you're thinking wayyyy too far ahead in terms of kids. relax. try to meet up for a date, casual drink or whatever first and see how things go

[Noproblem]

I am a vegetarian, I don't mind people eating meat, but not all kind of animals.

 

I mean my favorite animals are a big no, meaning I won't sit with you while you eat Ducks, Dears or baby lamb (veals). I could care less if you eat some other animals because it is your choice and this is what you do.

 

Yeah. I don't like many Vegans either, they are too extreme for me & many of them did it for health reasons not for the animals.

 

 

 

I also would like people to buy eggs from a free-range farm or at least cage-free. Or get the European cheese that is obtained from cows and goats that roam the mountains and their huge valleys not caged in small rooms in the dark musty factories like what happens here or in Brazil!

 

I believe happy hens will give you much healthier eggs and more delicious. Happy cows will give the best milk and cheese.

 

So, yeah my main problem is with the American factories to be honest, not the idea of eating meat, the idea of putting these poor animals in factories and treating them like garbage, then killing them, and then put the food for people eat.

 

What kind of disease you can get with a cow that was caged until she was killed? with a cow that cried when they took her baby away from her to kill him.

 

You must invest money, buy from places that treat the animals right, even if they gonna kill them in the end, you don't want to buy cheap meat from heartless companies and factories.

 

You have to think about where this meat is coming from, not just mindlessly eating it like a robot.

 

So, this is an example of how your bf will talk to you someday..lol

 

Would I date a vegan or a meat lover?

ehh probably I would prefer someone who is vegetarian or pescetarian ( eat fish) , or semi-vegetarian ( eat fish + Chicken).

Edited December 3, 2018 by Noproblem

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm been a vegetarian since I was 12, so for more than 25 years now. None of my boyfriends has been vegetarian. Nobody in my family is, either. It was a simple transition for me because I genuinely don't like the taste and texture of meat. I lean more towards vegan these days after finding that several dairy products simply don't agree with me.

 

It's never been an issue. I don't care if people eat meat in front of me, much as they don't care if I don't. I get the odd stupid and predictable joke about how someone is going to get me to start eating meat again, but I just roll my eyes and carry on.

 

Bottom line - this doesn't need to be an incompatibility. If neither one of you makes it a problem, it will be fine.

[Els]

It COULD be a problem, but there's no way to know without meeting the person. There are all sorts of vegans, from the ones who try and convert everyone they meet or insist that every meal be at a "vegan-friendly place", to the ones who are perfectly happy to go to a steakhouse with friends and order the salad.

 

 

I get that you're trying to protect yourself, but there's really no point in overanalyzing people like this before you even meet them, IMO.

[Veronica73]

I don’t know...

At first I thought you were really over-thinking it, but then I remember the one time I dated a vegetarian. It kind of sucked. Eating together is a big part of being in a relationship. There were so many restaurants we couldn’t go to. Like foregoing steakhouses? Hello? I love steakhouses and they are actually pretty healthy places to eat. And his idea of a healthy vegetarian meal was a grilled cheese sandwich. And vegans are even more extreme. And I would be worried too about how my potential kids were going to be raised.

[Happy Lemming]

Many years ago, I dated a vegetarian woman. Her diet never really caused any problems. Since I was paying for the restaurants we went to, I didn't change where we went. Every restaurant we went to seemed to have something on the menu she could eat, including my favorite Steakhouse. If memory serves, the Steakhouse had some HUGE salad, it had a cute name, but I can't remember what it was.

 

As far as cooking at home for her, I substituted "Textured Vegetable Protein" patties for meat in my recipes. They actually tasted like beef, although the texture was different.

 

Her dietary choices were never an issue and we dated for a while.

 

Best of luck...

[amaysngrace]

Nowadays it’s much easier to be vegan than it was in the past. Most decent restaurants offer vegan options which they should since there are a lot of us.

 

There’s a pizza place in philly called blackbird that’s so good that non-vegans love the food there.

 

Veganism is the future

[Happy Lemming]

There’s a pizza place in philly called blackbird that’s so good that non-vegans love the food there.

 

Does Geno's or Pat's have a vegan option??

 

You mentioned Philly and immediately I wanted a cheesesteak. Ahh -- memories!

[amaysngrace]

Does Geno's or Pat's have a vegan option??

 

You mentioned Philly and immediately I wanted a cheesesteak. Ahh -- memories!

 

I don’t know if they do or not other than fries. Fresh cut fries are usually vegan unless they multi-use their fryers, but I do know they both use that mushy roll. I’m not a fan of that bread. It reminds me of a school lunch hoagie or cheesesteak we use to eat growing up. I like heartier rolls.

 

But I doubt they use fresh cut fries anyway, probably frozen if I had to take a guess.

 

You should try blackbird next time. Their food is so good!

 

South Philly pretzels are vegan.

[LuckyM]

It's not always a problem when dating, but if you become serious about seeing each other, or even get married, then many food compromises will be made and some you will not enjoy. Grocery shopping, restaurants, fast food ,picnics will all be negotiated. Especially with a vegan! This choice extremely limits your dining out choices--and eating in choices.

Depends on you--are you satisfied with veggie diets?

I have been through this with a family member. The worst restaurant I ate at was a vegan one. Even the cake had no dairy in it--awful.

You need to decide whether this probable drawback is worth it. How much do you like him?

[diddilybop]

I don’t know...

At first I thought you were really over-thinking it, but then I remember the one time I dated a vegetarian. It kind of sucked. Eating together is a big part of being in a relationship. There were so many restaurants we couldn’t go to. Like foregoing steakhouses? Hello? I love steakhouses and they are actually pretty healthy places to eat.

 

she can always go to a steakhouse with a friend, it's really not a big deal, haha. as long as this guy is respectful of her dietary choices and if she's respectful of his vegan diet, then it's fine.

[d0nnivain]

If it's a deal breaker for one of you that raises issues. I simply see it as a difference not an incompatibility; you can work around it unless you don't want to. If one of you was demanding that the other change, that would be an issue but if you can adopt a live & let live philosophy it shouldn't be a problem.

 

Why do you have such a pessimistic attitude?

[fieldoflavender]

Well I have a dietary restriction too but it's actually because I can't - I get nauseous and vomit. Whereas this is a choice and while understandable, I just feel in today's society, it just makes life incredibly more difficult. And when you're with someone, you're also making their life also more difficult, and this is all something by choice whereas as people with real food intolerances, they can't help it. Or even religion - that's kind of different.

 

I know my friend who was brought up as vegetarian secretly wishes they weren't so restricted in life because now that they can choose as an adult, they don't even want to be religious, but their gut is not going to be able to take suddenly meat after a whole life of not eating it.

 

I think inconvenience if for illness or something is one thing - but to make someone else make all these inconveniences in their life which include being extremely picky about restaurants, having to cook anything meat myself if their whole thing is how we can't treat animals a certain way - then certainly they wouldn't want to cook meat for me to eat (whereas hey if they're tired, I'm happy cooking some veggies for them), and sure children may be hypothetical but again it goes back to an ideology.

 

We started getting into it - because it's a hard dealbreaker for me if they're like those protestor people who go to steakhouses and prevent other people from having a normal meal and try to guilt people with bloody pictures who are just minding their own business on the street. He says he is not - so at least there is some potential I guess.

 

I don't know - I'm still reluctant, mostly because of the above reasons. And yes if they were perfect in all the other ways - may it would help too. But they also make a lot less than me, took a lot longer to make what they even make now, and other random things.

 

Also I guess on a fundamental level, I really wonder if we all became vegans, would we truly stop the food industry? So maybe fundamentally I don't know if I agree with the lifestyle. With a friend, you could avoid the topic and just pick a restaurant once in a few months that works for them for deal with it for 10 days on a trip. But with a life partner....I don't know sigh.

[diddilybop]

i feel like you're self-sabotaging a potential connection with a guy, and you haven't given the him a chance - let alone meet up for a first date. he's assured you that it's not a dealbreaker for him and that he's not one of those "protestor people who go to steakhouses and prevent other people from having a normal meal and try to guilt people with bloody pictures".

 

i actually saw your other thread too, regarding "financial incompatibility". maybe instead of making snap judgements, it'd be wiser to relax a little bit, you might actually enjoy yourself.

[elaine567]

Veganism is the future

 

 

I agree.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[snowboy91]

I can't say I've ever dated a vegetarian or vegan, but many of my friends are. I end up struggling to find things to cook for them based on my own habits, but almost all restaurants around here have some kind of vegetarian or vegan option. They, on the other hand, have it as part of their lifestyle so they know exactly how to go about it.

 

If it was me dating a vegetarian, I wouldn't mind if all we ate at home was vegetarian meals, as long as the meals were tasty, nutritious and filling! I also would want them to be OK with me eating meat with friends or at restaurants occasionally (which is the case with all vegetarians and vegans I know).

 

OP ultimately it's up to you as to whether it's an issue, but if you can sacrifice eating meat at home (but not giving it up entirely - you can still have it when you get takeout or whenever you cook for yourself!) then I don't see an issue. If you think you absolutely need to have meat every day then you'll run into problems.

[fieldoflavender]

Alright alright I'll meet him. I'm going to try let it go. We could meet for coffee, I suppose that's neutral enough.

[fieldoflavender]

Sigh I just spent the last 2 days googling things people who are vegan do - and maybe I'm a highly intolerant person, I don't know, but I think I may really have trouble with this one. What is the point hurting someone if I just simply really can't do it? This happened before with a guy who was shorter than me and in the end, I really just could not do it. It sucked, he was really good in other ways, but I couldn't get over it. I mean if it's just meat, just pork, just I don't know - but vegan is VERY extreme - no eggs even. Nothing but plant based. Even vegetarian or one type of meat, I would have to work around it but I could try, but this is very difficult for me.

 

Now it's super awkward because he asked me to meet. I don't know what to do. It's giving me stress thinking about what to do =( I could meet, but I feel if I have this hanging over me, I don't know.

 

I tried asking him about it but he wanted to switch the topic and discuss something. Which is fair since we haven't even met. But I don't get what the point of meeting is if it's such a barrier with me.

 

If I was truly honest with myself, if his online profile had said vegan - I would have just swiped left.

[diddilybop]

you remind me of a couple of the guys i matched with on tinder when i was single. they had asked me if i wanted to go out for a drink and when i had mentioned that i stopped drinking alcohol a few years ago due to health issues, one of them gave me radio silence and the other said, "i'm sorry, i have to be with someone who drinks alcohol. it's gonna be a dealbreaker for me." i thought it was incredibly narrow-minded. i moved on and met someone else who didn't care that i didn't drink. he's actually my partner of three years and he embraces me for who i am.

 

OP, i'm going to be 100% honest here...if you're going to get this tripped up about his dietary choices, tell him that even though he doesn't care about your diet, his veganism is a dealbreaker for you and move on. you clearly don't like him enough to give him a chance for a first date, so, don't waste his energy. someone else will give him the chance he deserves.

 

i've also seen some of your other threads, and notice a pattern of your dating behaviors. i think it'd be helpful if you did some self-reflection and healing. good luck.

Edited December 4, 2018 by diddilybop

[amaysngrace]

What do you mean you googled “what vegans do”? What did you read?

 

I can tell you what vegans do. We CARE. We care about the cruelty of animals, our environment and our planet, we care about our health and we care for others. We’re a compassionate people. That’s what we all have in common.

 

Oh and this vegan roasted and basted a beautiful young hen turkey for Thanksgiving along with stuffing that had bacon, sausage and butter mixed in because the people I love eat that way. They all told me it was delicious too.

 

So yes, perhaps you are intolerant. I’m glad you at least recognize that in yourself.

[Els]

Sigh I just spent the last 2 days googling things people who are vegan do - and maybe I'm a highly intolerant person, I don't know, but I think I may really have trouble with this one. What is the point hurting someone if I just simply really can't do it? This happened before with a guy who was shorter than me and in the end, I really just could not do it. It sucked, he was really good in other ways, but I couldn't get over it. I mean if it's just meat, just pork, just I don't know - but vegan is VERY extreme - no eggs even. Nothing but plant based. Even vegetarian or one type of meat, I would have to work around it but I could try, but this is very difficult for me.

 

Now it's super awkward because he asked me to meet. I don't know what to do. It's giving me stress thinking about what to do =( I could meet, but I feel if I have this hanging over me, I don't know.

 

I tried asking him about it but he wanted to switch the topic and discuss something. Which is fair since we haven't even met. But I don't get what the point of meeting is if it's such a barrier with me.

 

If I was truly honest with myself, if his online profile had said vegan - I would have just swiped left.

 

 

Don't you think it might be a bit obsessive to spend 2 days googling something just because a guy you've never met is one?

 

 

Personally, I probably wouldn't be compatible with 90% of vegans - the only kind of vegan I'd be OK with is a very easygoing one who literally doesn't care what he eats as long as it's vegan, so he can go to any restaurant or eat the vegan portion of any meal, and just have a salad or bread for supper later if he's hungry. I couldn't be with a vegan who needed to eat at vegan-friendly places all the time and insisted that our shared meals be vegan.

 

 

 

But, easygoing vegans do exist. I think it's a bit premature to next someone when you don't even know how they'll behave. It's up to you of course, but if you keep trying to spot red flags from 100km away, you'll never get close to anything, because even a field of roses looks like a red flag from 100km away.