LoverOfDance Posted December 1, 2018 Posted December 1, 2018 Op, you're still overreacting about this. You say she was rude to you (which I personally don't think she was) and repaid her "rudeness" by standing her up. Two wrong don't make a right. You judge this situation and claim it is bizarre because you don't understand it. Other posters on here are apparently now taking your side. I believe it was your own fear that made you miss an opportunity to maybe meet a nice girl. Some women bring their friends to meet ups/dates because they are uncomfortable meeting someone they don't know (especially if it is someone they met online). You and some other posters are being quite judgemental about this situation. A lot of people tend to quickly judge things as "bad", "terrible" or "bizarre" simply because they don't understand those things. I personally think people need to be more open and less judgemental.
basil67 Posted December 1, 2018 Posted December 1, 2018 I understand that this didn't pan out the way you expected. But your posts appear to be expressing an anger which is out of context with what actually happened. You were so-so to start with, so why all the angst?
brigit87 Posted December 1, 2018 Posted December 1, 2018 Did he know you'd be there? Because if he didn't (and I'm comfortable speaking for him) he minded.. Are they still together? I'm willing to bet my life savings they're not IDK if he knew or not at first. But he came to my house to pick me up so he had a chance to change his mind. Yeah it didn't work out between them.
brigit87 Posted December 1, 2018 Posted December 1, 2018 IDK if he knew or not at first. But he came to my house to pick me up so he had a chance to change his mind. Yeah it didn't work out between them. Also, OP you're a bit over the top over this. I mean first off she was willing to meet you at the coffee place (I'd never do that.) And she brought her friend for a no big deal very cheap date. So what? They probably bought their own coffee anyway and was drinking it waiting for you to show. Then you didn't show up. I bet they wrote nasty stuff about you on Facebook. You drove all that way only to not show up to a ridiculous nothing of a date. It's just silly.
introverted1 Posted December 1, 2018 Posted December 1, 2018 I am surprised at how many people think OP was out of line or is over-reacting. If I drove 30 miles for a first meet, already courteously allowing the other person the relative ease of being on their home turf (and not having to drive 45 min or so), I'd at least expect that we'd be meeting in "good faith" -- as in, with the opportunity to establish a connection and determine whether an actual first date was desired. I just don't see the possibility for achieving that when there is a 3rd person present. At a minimum, she should have told him when they made plans that she wanted to have a friend present. More realistically, I'd say that OLD isn't the right path for this woman.
nospam99 Posted December 1, 2018 Posted December 1, 2018 One more opinion: and I'm a 'traditionalist' male Baby Boomer. With my background, all obligation of politeness is on me because I'm the man. Add to that I do not understand whatever cultural differences there may be for a Vietnamese. I agree that this (young) woman's behavior does not conform to my own 'western' cultural expectations. BUT in that situation it would be RUDE of me to bail. And I don't 'do' rude. I'd have gone. Whether this MEET (it did not start out as a 'date') would have 'worked out' had to be experienced to find out. Worst case - I'd have felt pissed off for being mildly jerked around. But you know what? Flaking, ghosting, and just plain ignoring, all of which I have experienced repeatedly in my OLD adventures, are just as bad. So if it's me, I'll be polite, suck it up, roll the dice, and move on afterwards. Just sayin'
Author jgraham11 Posted December 1, 2018 Author Posted December 1, 2018 One more opinion: and I'm a 'traditionalist' male Baby Boomer. With my background, all obligation of politeness is on me because I'm the man. Add to that I do not understand whatever cultural differences there may be for a Vietnamese. I agree that this (young) woman's behavior does not conform to my own 'western' cultural expectations. BUT in that situation it would be RUDE of me to bail. And I don't 'do' rude. I'd have gone. Whether this MEET (it did not start out as a 'date') would have 'worked out' had to be experienced to find out. Worst case - I'd have felt pissed off for being mildly jerked around. But you know what? Flaking, ghosting, and just plain ignoring, all of which I have experienced repeatedly in my OLD adventures, are just as bad. So if it's me, I'll be polite, suck it up, roll the dice, and move on afterwards. Just sayin' I told her when she told me her friend was there, I wouldn't be coming.. That's called an eye for eye for millennials. What's rude is making someone drive all that way expecting one thing and getting another.
Author jgraham11 Posted December 1, 2018 Author Posted December 1, 2018 Also, OP you're a bit over the top over this. I mean first off she was willing to meet you at the coffee place (I'd never do that.) And she brought her friend for a no big deal very cheap date. So what? They probably bought their own coffee anyway and was drinking it waiting for you to show. Then you didn't show up. I bet they wrote nasty stuff about you on Facebook. You drove all that way only to not show up to a ridiculous nothing of a date. It's just silly. You'd never meet someone at a coffee shop?... Umm okay, wasn't aware that was so risky for you, but cool I'm not sure why you are continuing to drive to play devils advocate so much. I can't tell if I'm being trolled or what at this point. I'm not angry, I'm just upset I had to waste all that time on gas and it could have been avoided possibly. That's not asking a lot to meet someone one on one.
Author jgraham11 Posted December 1, 2018 Author Posted December 1, 2018 IDK if he knew or not at first. But he came to my house to pick me up so he had a chance to change his mind. Yeah it didn't work out between them. Wow, Shocker!
Author jgraham11 Posted December 1, 2018 Author Posted December 1, 2018 (edited) I am surprised at how many people think OP was out of line or is over-reacting. If I drove 30 miles for a first meet, already courteously allowing the other person the relative ease of being on their home turf (and not having to drive 45 min or so), I'd at least expect that we'd be meeting in "good faith" -- as in, with the opportunity to establish a connection and determine whether an actual first date was desired. I just don't see the possibility for achieving that when there is a 3rd person present. At a minimum, she should have told him when they made plans that she wanted to have a friend present. More realistically, I'd say that OLD isn't the right path for this woman. Introverted, thank you for being the voice of reason here in this thread. I don't know why people find this type of behavior normal. At the end of the day the whole social dynamic of this had an awkward vibe to it. Call me crazy, but when I go on dates I like to focus on my date and not her friend.. I know, hard to believe right? Edited December 1, 2018 by jgraham11
LoverOfDance Posted December 1, 2018 Posted December 1, 2018 Op, you're defending yourself by making it sound like we are the crazy ones, smh. There is a word for that kind of behaviour (even though I can't remember it right now) and it is a form of manipulation. I am 95% sure that the reason why brigit's friend's relationship did not work had nothing to do with her (brigit) tagging along on one of their dates. We are not crazy and I can't see why you don't seem to get our point. No worries though. I do hope your behaviour and mentality does not hinder you in the dating world.
Author jgraham11 Posted December 1, 2018 Author Posted December 1, 2018 Op, you're defending yourself by making it sound like we are the crazy ones, smh. There is a word for that kind of behaviour (even though I can't remember it right now) and it is a form of manipulation. I am 95% sure that the reason why brigit's friend's relationship did not work had nothing to do with her (brigit) tagging along on one of their dates. We are not crazy and I can't see why you don't seem to get our point. No worries though. I do hope your behaviour and mentality does not hinder you in the dating world. You act like it's normal to bring a friend on a date. You'll never be in the right for that. Think about what you're saying. You're saying it's socially acceptable for a girl to lead a guy on thinking he'd be meeting just her, then to find out (minutes before meeting) her friend is there too... AFTER driving 40 miles to meet JUST her. Stop defending this, it's to the point now where you sound like a complete troll and just arguing for the sake of arguing. My opinion on this will never change, it's strange for a grown woman to bring a friend on a date. I've been on millions of OLD dates and never once has this happened. That alone shows you how bizarre this type of move is.
gaius Posted December 2, 2018 Posted December 2, 2018 Jg I don't think people would be arguing with you as much if you just said you weren't all that comfortable meeting someone you didn't know at all, which is understandable, instead of casting it like she really wronged you. Yeah, what she did was weird but she didn't wrong you. You probably could have figured out if you had a connection or not anyway and just told her to leave the friend at home next time if you did. You two might have ended up doing all the talking while the friend stared at her phone. You'll never know though because you didn't show up. Just seems like a wasted opportunity. Didn't even get to see what she looked like in person.
Author jgraham11 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Posted December 2, 2018 Jg I don't think people would be arguing with you as much if you just said you weren't all that comfortable meeting someone you didn't know at all, which is understandable, instead of casting it like she really wronged you. Yeah, what she did was weird but she didn't wrong you. You probably could have figured out if you had a connection or not anyway and just told her to leave the friend at home next time if you did. You two might have ended up doing all the talking while the friend stared at her phone. You'll never know though because you didn't show up. Just seems like a wasted opportunity. Didn't even get to see what she looked like in person. You're right it could have been avoided. She even mentioned that to me by text, she even apologized. Pretty sure she blocked me through texting which I don't understand since I didn't even send her any like follow up WTF texts. Doesn't matter anyway though, even if she didn't block me I wasn't going to continue with her, nor she with me. I've moved on from it, but it just left a sour taste in my mouth.. And yes, it was unfortunate I didn't actually meet up because she was really cute, albeit only 5'0. I'm 6'4, so I'm not sure if that would of really worked out, but what's done is done.
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