Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 I bet you're right. She doesn't drive or she knows how to drive and can't afford a car and her parents won't let her borrow theirs. That's probably all there was to it. OP lost the chance to hang out with two nice girls for coffee. Guys.. she drives. I've seen her car on Facebook and even a video of her driving on facebook. I didn't want to hang out with two girls. I drive 40 miles expecting to meet one person then last second I find out it's her friend too. That's a slap in the face and ignorant. I wasted 2 hours and money on gas for absolutely nothing
elaine567 Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 Guys.. she drives. I've seen her car on Facebook and even a video of her driving on facebook. I didn't want to hang out with two girls. I drive 40 miles expecting to meet one person then last second I find out it's her friend too. That's a slap in the face and ignorant. I wasted 2 hours and money on gas for absolutely nothing What were you actually expecting? I thought this was a simple meet up, not a hook up...So what is exactly was the problem? It was Starbucks, not the Ritz, so even if you had to pay for two it was hardly going to break the bank surely? I can't believe you actually walked away here. I don't need to be getting sized up by her friend the first time I meet her.Your own insecurity and lack of confidence let you down.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 What were you actually expecting? I thought this was a simple meet up, not a hook up...So what is exactly was the problem? It was Starbucks, not the Ritz, so even if you had to pay for two it was hardly going to break the bank surely? I can't believe you actually walked away here. Your own insecurity and lack of confidence let you down. Uhh yeah, a meet up with her! At not point did she ever mention I'd be meeting her friend too. Funny thing is, if she at least told me that before I drove 40 miles, I MIGHT have been okay with that. She just sprung it up on me last second. It has nothing to do with insecurity. I was all ready to meet her, not her friend. How would you feel if you walked into a date expecting just one person to find a friend sitting right next to him/her? Of course, you're probably going to say you'd be okay with that.. And I'm sorry but I just can't accept the fact a grown woman needs to be chaperoned in a public place in the middle of a city.. That's just an unattractive quality
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 OP, you seem so offended about what happened. I understand being disappointed, but you seem downright angry. I wouldn’t take what she did personally—I don’t think it has anything specifically to do with you. I remember you saying you were excited to meet her, so yes it stings, but you found out real quick that you’re incompatible, so chalk that up as a blessing. I am chalking it up as a blessing. I don't feel angry, I'm just slightly upset that I wasted two hours and gas. All she had to do was say she was bringing a friend and this could of A. All been avoided.. or maybe even B. I would of just said screw it and went. It's the fact it was sprung up on me last second. It was just like off putting and bizarre. I just can't wrap my head around a grown woman needing a friend to go on a date with her. I wasn't aware that actually happened after the age of like 14
introverted1 Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 I'm female and I take my safety seriously. But meeting in a Starbucks presents no danger at all and I think it's super weird that she had a friend there.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 I'm female and I take my safety seriously. But meeting in a Starbucks presents no danger at all and I think it's super weird that she had a friend there. Thank you! Voice of reason here lol
elaine567 Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 I'm female and I take my safety seriously. But meeting in a Starbucks presents no danger at all and I think it's super weird that she had a friend there. But is not about safety, she is Vietnamese and many Vietnamese girls take friends on early dates. It is their culture.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 But is not about safety, she is Vietnamese and many Vietnamese girls take friends on early dates. It is their culture. Yeah but you don't think that's something she should have told me? You're acting like I should have expected that. And to be honest I've dated many women from China and the cultures aren't that different. If anything I thought (past tense) that Vietnamese culture was more open, but apparently not. Chinese women I've dated in the past have never brought a friend on a first OLD. It's just bizarre. I'm chalking it up as a lesson and pray to God that never happens again lol And to the people who are acting like this is somehow my fault for not being comfortable with this.. Just no, no lol. It's odd anyway that you try to paint it.
losangelena Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 For the record, I don’t think it’s your fault or that it’s not weird. It is an unconventional move in modern western dating, for sure. However, I do think you had a bit of a knee-jerk reaction in cutting things off with her completely because of this. A different man would have made the best of a less-than-ideal situation and not bailed, and I think that’s what people are responding to here. You don’t know what the outcome would’ve been if you’d sucked it up and stayed. That’s all.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 For the record, I don’t think it’s your fault or that it’s not weird. It is an unconventional move in modern western dating, for sure. However, I do think you had a bit of a knee-jerk reaction in cutting things off with her completely because of this. A different man would have made the best of a less-than-ideal situation and not bailed, and I think that’s what people are responding to here. You don’t know what the outcome would’ve been if you’d sucked it up and stayed. That’s all. It was a knee jerk reaction because it was a knee jerk move by her. Like I said if she had told me she'd like bring a friend before I drove almost 1 hour (40 miles) to meet up for freaking coffee of all things, I might have been okay with it. So yes, it was a knee jerk reaction because she popped it out of the blue.
LoverOfDance Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 Op, you said previously that even if she had told you before the date that her friend was coming, you still wouldn't have gone. Now you are changing your words and saying that you MIGHT have gone if you knew beforehand that her friend would be there. Op, the situation may have been a little odd but it is still not a big deal. Life happens. You don't know why the friend was there. You should have just rolled with it. I can't wrap my own head around the fact that you drove 2 whole hours and then didn't even meet her because her friend was there. So what? Go and socialize and see how things go. You keep saying that you didn't want to be sized up by her friend. This statement shows that you're lacking confidence. You didn't go because of your own insecurities. Anyways, the did is done so on to the next date.
losangelena Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 Yep, and that’s a totally legit move to make. If that’s a dealbreaker for you, there’s no point in sitting through something you know you’re not going to enjoy.
preraph Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 You know, when a woman does that, it would almost serve them right if you just started flirting with their friend instead.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 You know, when a woman does that, it would almost serve them right if you just started flirting with their friend instead. Kind of wish I did go just to do that at this point. Just as a screw you
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 Op, you said previously that even if she had told you before the date that her friend was coming, you still wouldn't have gone. Now you are changing your words and saying that you MIGHT have gone if you knew beforehand that her friend would be there. Op, the situation may have been a little odd but it is still not a big deal. Life happens. You don't know why the friend was there. You should have just rolled with it. I can't wrap my own head around the fact that you drove 2 whole hours and then didn't even meet her because her friend was there. So what? Go and socialize and see how things go. You keep saying that you didn't want to be sized up by her friend. This statement shows that you're lacking confidence. You didn't go because of your own insecurities. Anyways, the did is done so on to the next date. I said I "likely" wouldn't have ended up going, which is still true. It's hard to say since what's done is done, but it would of been a 50/50 decision. I would of had more to consider at that point. No, when you're expecting to just meet one person, the date, and then find out you'll also be meeting her friend is just rude and inconsiderate. There's no reason why she couldn't have just mentioned that. Me leaving I feel was the smartest thing I could do and one of the biggest FU's I could give her for wasting my time. I will never feel different about this opinion. The reason I've posted about this is just to see how other people look at it.. but best believe in no world will that ever be normal to me. A grown woman.. bringing her friend.. on a date... LOL!
introverted1 Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 But is not about safety, she is Vietnamese and many Vietnamese girls take friends on early dates. It is their culture. She's American enough to be using OLD.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 She's American enough to be using OLD. Damn, Introverted.. are you like reading my mind!?
Occitanie Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m just going to assume this is a girl you’re interested in(?) If so, she’s not interested in you in that way, and it should be clear as day. The fact that, again I’m assuming, she didn’t mention bringing a friend along when you first set up the “coffee date”, suggests she was trying to make it as less date-y as possible. I don’t buy the “women are afraid to go on dates nowadays” theory, but maybe because I’ve never dated a girl who brought a friend on the date. Anyway, that’s what I think: it wasn’t a date for her. Also, coffee dates, if you’re not yet exclusive, aren’t the best dates to go on.
preraph Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 I mean, one thing that makes it really rude is how on the spot it puts you to pick up her friend's check, the friend you didn't know was coming. There's no excuse for it. She's just immature. She probably just wanted her friend to see you like you're an exhibit at the zoo and decide for her whether she should like you because she's too wishy washy to decide for herself. Bullet dodged if you ask me.
brigit87 Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 I said I "likely" wouldn't have ended up going, which is still true. It's hard to say since what's done is done, but it would of been a 50/50 decision. I would of had more to consider at that point. No, when you're expecting to just meet one person, the date, and then find out you'll also be meeting her friend is just rude and inconsiderate. There's no reason why she couldn't have just mentioned that. Me leaving I feel was the smartest thing I could do and one of the biggest FU's I could give her for wasting my time. I will never feel different about this opinion. The reason I've posted about this is just to see how other people look at it.. but best believe in no world will that ever be normal to me. A grown woman.. bringing her friend.. on a date... LOL! My best friend brought me on a date with her. We had really good Indian food. I don't think the guy minded I was there he was pissed off my friend insisted on Indian food.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m just going to assume this is a girl you’re interested in(?) If so, she’s not interested in you in that way, and it should be clear as day. The fact that, again I’m assuming, she didn’t mention bringing a friend along when you first set up the “coffee date”, suggests she was trying to make it as less date-y as possible. I don’t buy the “women are afraid to go on dates nowadays” theory, but maybe because I’ve never dated a girl who brought a friend on the date. Anyway, that’s what I think: it wasn’t a date for her. Also, coffee dates, if you’re not yet exclusive, aren’t the best dates to go on. Well, no I don't really consider it a date anyway, it's coffee to feel the other person out. I was so-so interested in her to begin with, but now I'm completely out! lol "but maybe because I’ve never dated a girl who brought a friend on the date. " Yeah you're definitely in the majority with that.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 I mean, one thing that makes it really rude is how on the spot it puts you to pick up her friend's check, the friend you didn't know was coming. There's no excuse for it. She's just immature. She probably just wanted her friend to see you like you're an exhibit at the zoo and decide for her whether she should like you because she's too wishy washy to decide for herself. Bullet dodged if you ask me. Probably a bullet dogged yeah.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 My best friend brought me on a date with her. We had really good Indian food. I don't think the guy minded I was there he was pissed off my friend insisted on Indian food. Did he know you'd be there? Because if he didn't (and I'm comfortable speaking for him) he minded.. Are they still together? I'm willing to bet my life savings they're not
Gretchen12 Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 I have anxiety when I know I'll be getting judged by her friend when I meet her yeah.. When I read your original post I understood this was the problem. It'd be like two against one. If you had gone to her house it might have been a panel of 4 judges! I have to say if a guy wants to meet me in a public place and bring his friend, I'd be up for that because I doll up pretty well and think fast in conversation so I expect to wow my date. That's why I think it'd be fun. But I agree with you on the rudeness. Whenever you are invited to something, you should ask if it's ok to bring a friend. That etiquette exists in Asian cultures as well.
guest569 Posted December 1, 2018 Posted December 1, 2018 Whenever you are invited to something, you should ask if it's ok to bring a friend. That etiquette exists in Asian cultures as well. Not those Vietnamese ones.. everyone knows that. I don't see the big deal. You didn't feel comfortable with 2 on 1 date, fine, plus you have to consider your safety too. I find something a bit off about the whole thing. I would probably feel creeped out if that happened to me.
Recommended Posts