jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 This is a follow up from my previous post, same girl. I was supposed to meet up with her for a coffee at a Starbucks today so we both agreed just to meet after talking online. Didn't end up picking her up, funny thing is I thought that request of hers was weird all things considered since we never physically met before, but ohhhh just wait! It gets even weirder! I ended up getting to the Starbucks early and telling her I was there. She responded I'm here now you don't see me? I said "No".. turns out she was at another Starbucks 2 miles away, I thought okay no problem I'll head over there.. Next thing, I know she calls me. "Hey, I'm at the Starbucks are you coming" I said "Yeah, I'll head over there now".. She says "Okay, I'm with my friend just waiting"..... What?.. I said "You're with your friend? Ummm, is she going to stay?..." She then nonchalantly says "Yeah" as if that's a normal thing to do. Long story short, I didn't end up meeting her. I told her that would be awkward for me considering I haven't even met her yet let alone her friend(s). I understand a girl needs to feel safe with OLD, but we were meeting in a Starbucks in the middle of the city, not some tent in the middle of the woods.. I'm honestly still flabbergasted that a grown woman (26) would think it's socially acceptable to bring her friend to a coffee date. I mean she acted like it was no big deal at all. So aggravating. Needless to say I won't be seeing her ever. Thoughts on this? Am I wrong for feeling that's weird? It would honestly be very awkward the whole dynamic of that. Just thinking about that was giving me anxiety
preraph Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 I mean, she should have at least asked, but you're right. She sounds like a pain.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 I mean, she should have at least asked, but you're right. She sounds like a pain. Exactly, and I said the same thing! I said if you maybe asked and at least prepared me for that, I might have been okay with it. I likely wouldn't have ended up going still, but it's like at least have the decency to say something before. Whatever, I feel bad for her if that's how she's going to go about first dates/coffee dates. She's going to have a hard time finding a guy that way
max3732 Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 Something similar happened to me when I was in grad school. I asked this woman to dinner and she agreed. She got there first and told me she had a table. I was shocked to see her friend sitting there with her. She said something like "I hope you don't mind I invited her to join us". I didn't quite know what to do and actually don't remember the details of how I handled it other than that things obviously didn't work out with us.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 Something similar happened to me when I was in grad school. I asked this woman to dinner and she agreed. She got there first and told me she had a table. I was shocked to see her friend sitting there with her. She said something like "I hope you don't mind I invited her to join us". I didn't quite know what to do and actually don't remember the details of how I handled it other than that things obviously didn't work out with us. Oh wow that sounds like a horror story. I tried thinking how I would of reacted if that happened to me. Luckily, she told me before I drove over there. I honestly probably would of just laughed and walked out. 26 year old girl that still needs her hand held. Shame really. I actually do feel a little bad that she feels the need to do that
Mrin Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 Dude I totally just went through the same thing but I was on the side of your gal. I was dating around. Moving along and wham my ex came back into my life. She is actually laying here next to me right now. All I can say is don't take it personally at all. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. And everything to do with the two of them. Best of luck! Mrin
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 Dude I totally just went through the same thing but I was on the side of your gal. I was dating around. Moving along and wham my ex came back into my life. She is actually laying here next to me right now. All I can say is don't take it personally at all. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. And everything to do with the two of them. Best of luck! Mrin Her friend was another girl. Not some guy
Mrin Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 Sorry. Wrong thread. Weird. I was replying to a post about something totally different. And I can't even find that thread anymore. Please ignore.
GinON Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 This may not be a popular thing to say: Just keep in mind that women live with the fear of being raped and killed when they go out on dates. They have to be braver than we men do to meet someone new even in a public place. Its also possible she had some frightening experiences before and wants to feel safe. I am sure that its happened where women bring a wing woman that's at another table to keep an eye on her discreetly. Which would you prefer?
olivetree Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 The safety explanation doesn't make sense when she originally wanted to be picked up from her house and taken to OPs town for coffee. This girl is weird.
Sunlight72 Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 Er, I don't get what the big deal is? It's the first time you're meeting - all you are doing is meeting someone new. When I met my fiancée, she was working with two other girls. We just chatted. To me it sounds a little different than I'd expect, but no big deal. Plus, you get to meet two women? I'm not seeing the problem - seems like a social outing. ---------- Specifically, didn't your other thread ask about cultural differences because this woman is Vietnamese? Well, this is a cultural difference. Cultural difference doesn't mean people act like Americans, but they have different hair and socks. It means they behave differently - like they do things with family, or in groups. Things may be done much more publicly than the standard American way. It's fine if you're not interested in meeting someone who lives in a different culture, but if so just be clear about that with yourself. If you are interested, then don't be so judgemental - be more humble and curious to see how they interact.
LoverOfDance Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 Thank you Sunlight. I honestly thought the same thing. Op, you seem to have social anxiety? I don't see what the big deal is either. It was the first meeting. I think you're the one who will have a hard time finding someone because you're not open minded. You should have just gone there and chatted with them. See what happens. Honestly, you really didn't have anything to lose.
elaine567 Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 Specifically, didn't your other thread ask about cultural differences because this woman is Vietnamese? Well, this is a cultural difference. Cultural difference doesn't mean people act like Americans, but they have different hair and socks. It means they behave differently - like they do things with family, or in groups. Things may be done much more publicly than the standard American way. It's fine if you're not interested in meeting someone who lives in a different culture, but if so just be clear about that with yourself. If you are interested, then don't be so judgemental - be more humble and curious to see how they interact. Agreed. OP Had you picked her up at her house I guess the friend/chaperone would have been there too waiting for you to pick them both up. She acted like it was normal because it probably is normal for her.
d0nnivain Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 Clearly you & her are not compatible. I get the safety thing but there's an easy fix. My 2nd OLD date ever -- after a disastrous 1st OLD date with a different guy -- 2 of my friends had dinner in the restaurant across the street while I went in to meet my date. I felt better & more relaxed knowing they were nearby. My BFF even texted me during dinner asking if I needed to fake an emergency to get away. I didn't but it was comforting to know the escape route existed. The difference between me & the girl in this thread, is the guy I met had no idea any of this was happening.
Mrin Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 You should have just gone there and chatted with them. See what happens. Honestly, you really didn't have anything to lose. I can't help but have the "two chicks at once" quote from Office Space pop into my (admittedly dirty) mind. Lol. Never know...
brigit87 Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 Oh wow that sounds like a horror story. I tried thinking how I would of reacted if that happened to me. Luckily, she told me before I drove over there. I honestly probably would of just laughed and walked out. 26 year old girl that still needs her hand held. Shame really. I actually do feel a little bad that she feels the need to do that ...you should have went the friend might have been more attractive.
smackie9 Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 Did anyone ever think that she may not drive at all? I know middle aged adults and millennials that don't have a driver's license. The numbers are astounding. Her friend was probably her ride. And don't say she could have taken public transit....I wouldn't take public transit alone at night and I'm 54. Some 14 year old girl was just raped yesterday at like 4:30 pm just getting off a bus in a normal neighborhood. So TBH I don't blame her if that was the reason she had her friend with her. maybe her mother or this friend convinced her to do this. So I agree. If this offends you OP you two are incompatible. Everyone is different in how they feel when meeting strangers. Like I always say if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. And when it brings you here to this site to ask us how we feel about all this, then yes something isn't right.
elaine567 Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 She is Vietnamese, it is not uncommon for Vietnamese girls to go on dates with friends/chaperones. She probably wanted picked up originally so her parents could assess the suitability of her date too...
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 Thank you Sunlight. I honestly thought the same thing. Op, you seem to have social anxiety? I don't see what the big deal is either. It was the first meeting. I think you're the one who will have a hard time finding someone because you're not open minded. You should have just gone there and chatted with them. See what happens. Honestly, you really didn't have anything to lose. She's 26 years old! Are you for real? I mean are you just playing devils advocate or something? C'mon let's be real here. I have anxiety when I know I'll be getting judged by her friend when I meet her yeah.. This isn't normal Time for her to take her diaper off
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 Did anyone ever think that she may not drive at all? I know middle aged adults and millennials that don't have a driver's license. The numbers are astounding. Her friend was probably her ride. And don't say she could have taken public transit....I wouldn't take public transit alone at night and I'm 54. Some 14 year old girl was just raped yesterday at like 4:30 pm just getting off a bus in a normal neighborhood. So TBH I don't blame her if that was the reason she had her friend with her. maybe her mother or this friend convinced her to do this. So I agree. If this offends you OP you two are incompatible. Everyone is different in how they feel when meeting strangers. Like I always say if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. And when it brings you here to this site to ask us how we feel about all this, then yes something isn't right. Wow, it's astonishing how many people find this normal, cultural difference aside. I've been on a million first dates and never once has this ever come close.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 30, 2018 Author Posted November 30, 2018 Er, I don't get what the big deal is? It's the first time you're meeting - all you are doing is meeting someone new. When I met my fiancée, she was working with two other girls. We just chatted. To me it sounds a little different than I'd expect, but no big deal. Plus, you get to meet two women? I'm not seeing the problem - seems like a social outing. ---------- Specifically, didn't your other thread ask about cultural differences because this woman is Vietnamese? Well, this is a cultural difference. Cultural difference doesn't mean people act like Americans, but they have different hair and socks. It means they behave differently - like they do things with family, or in groups. Things may be done much more publicly than the standard American way. It's fine if you're not interested in meeting someone who lives in a different culture, but if so just be clear about that with yourself. If you are interested, then don't be so judgemental - be more humble and curious to see how they interact. I've dated a few Chinese girls in the past and while I'm not saying Chinese and Vietnamese are the same, they are close culturally. These Chinese girls were closer to 21 too at the time and guess what? They just walked in on there own to a coffee shop like big girls! I don't need to be getting sized up by her friend the first time I meet her. If she wanted to have group dates or something later on down the line that's one thing. Next time I set up a first date, I'll make sure it's in the middle of Times Square because that seems to be the only chance a girl will feel safe..
rightondude Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 I would have rolled with it. Maybe you would have liked the friend even better! Or maybe they were freaky deaky and looking for you to join in. Now you'll never know. Never pass up an opportunity!
losangelena Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 OP, you seem so offended about what happened. I understand being disappointed, but you seem downright angry. I wouldn’t take what she did personally—I don’t think it has anything specifically to do with you. I remember you saying you were excited to meet her, so yes it stings, but you found out real quick that you’re incompatible, so chalk that up as a blessing.
brigit87 Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 Did anyone ever think that she may not drive at all? I know middle aged adults and millennials that don't have a driver's license. The numbers are astounding. Her friend was probably her ride. And don't say she could have taken public transit....I wouldn't take public transit alone at night and I'm 54. Some 14 year old girl was just raped yesterday at like 4:30 pm just getting off a bus in a normal neighborhood. So TBH I don't blame her if that was the reason she had her friend with her. maybe her mother or this friend convinced her to do this. So I agree. If this offends you OP you two are incompatible. Everyone is different in how they feel when meeting strangers. Like I always say if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. And when it brings you here to this site to ask us how we feel about all this, then yes something isn't right. I bet you're right. She doesn't drive or she knows how to drive and can't afford a car and her parents won't let her borrow theirs. That's probably all there was to it. OP lost the chance to hang out with two nice girls for coffee.
doyathinkso Posted November 30, 2018 Posted November 30, 2018 No wonder the birthrate is dropping like a stone.
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