dateme Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Everyone has been hurt. Is there a thing where ladies need extra time and care when they start dating a new person? I've been super nice to a new lady I'm dating. But she is scorned. I'm about ready to be done and move on. But she seems really nice. She's just so closed off.
Author dateme Posted November 28, 2018 Author Posted November 28, 2018 Maybe she just isn’t into you. Maybe. Oh well.
carhill Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Most of the time attracting dates is easy for a woman, even if she's hurt. Guys don't care about that, they want to get laid. OK, not right away If she's using past hurt as a reason for not dating you, or stopping dating you, that's her reason. It's valid for her. How you feel about it is irrelevant. Dating is voluntary. If not already practiced, try rejecting women you interact with by how you feel. Get comfortable with using feelings to reject and discontinue association with people. They can even be whims. Feelings of the moment. Illogical. Don't worry about it. Just do it. It might even help you understand and accept her apparently illogical to you hurt over past relationships. You're right, everyone who's been in a relationship has been hurt, that's logical. Emotions aren't logic. Get used to it
Author dateme Posted November 28, 2018 Author Posted November 28, 2018 Most of the time attracting dates is easy for a woman, even if she's hurt. Guys don't care about that, they want to get laid. OK, not right away If she's using past hurt as a reason for not dating you, or stopping dating you, that's her reason. It's valid for her. How you feel about it is irrelevant. Dating is voluntary. If not already practiced, try rejecting women you interact with by how you feel. Get comfortable with using feelings to reject and discontinue association with people. They can even be whims. Feelings of the moment. Illogical. Don't worry about it. Just do it. It might even help you understand and accept her apparently illogical to you hurt over past relationships. You're right, everyone who's been in a relationship has been hurt, that's logical. Emotions aren't logic. Get used to it She hasn't rejected me. She was just explaining how she has been hurt. And that she likes me but wants to get to know me better. You went way over board. I was just asking so what if a woman has been hurt. She wants to date me but she threw that in. I've heard it before. Just wondering what's up with it. If she decided not to date me then I'd move on. Not an issue.
Author dateme Posted November 28, 2018 Author Posted November 28, 2018 Most of the time attracting dates is easy for a woman, even if she's hurt. Guys don't care about that, they want to get laid. OK, not right away If she's using past hurt as a reason for not dating you, or stopping dating you, that's her reason. It's valid for her. How you feel about it is irrelevant. Dating is voluntary. If not already practiced, try rejecting women you interact with by how you feel. Get comfortable with using feelings to reject and discontinue association with people. They can even be whims. Feelings of the moment. Illogical. Don't worry about it. Just do it. It might even help you understand and accept her apparently illogical to you hurt over past relationships. You're right, everyone who's been in a relationship has been hurt, that's logical. Emotions aren't logic. Get used to it And if she doesn't seem to be the type to open up then I'd feel it was time to leave her alone. And that would be ok.
carhill Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Since you generally ask poll-type questions here, I prefaced my poll answer with 'if'. Take away from that what you wish. From my chair, with decades of experience, there will be a rejection in your future. It could hurt. If I was hearing what you're apparently sharing from a woman, I'd fight mightily with my KISA/protect/serve programming and seek to reject her since she's not enthusiastic about me, rather mentioning her past as a disclaimer. But that's me. 1
Author dateme Posted November 28, 2018 Author Posted November 28, 2018 Since you generally ask poll-type questions here, I prefaced my poll answer with 'if'. Take away from that what you wish. From my chair, with decades of experience, there will be a rejection in your future. It could hurt. If I was hearing what you're apparently sharing from a woman, I'd fight mightily with my KISA/protect/serve programming and seek to reject her since she's not enthusiastic about me, rather mentioning her past as a disclaimer. But that's me. I'm a man. I've dealt with rejection before. I'm not in love so it'll be ok. This isn't my first rodeo. Just because someone asks or shares doesn't mean we have to be talked to like an idiot. It's just sharing. If you feel she may not have interest thank you for your post. I'll also listen to what others have to say.
carhill Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 I know you're a man. Or at least identify as one on this anonymous forum where anyone can be anyone. Only she knows if she does or does not have interest. In general, women who are interested seek to put their best foot forward with a man they wish to mate with and they make that decision nearly immediately. If he's a possibility and not a reject they present a positive and attractive physical and psychological appearance. They vent about their relationship frustrations and problems to friends.
Author dateme Posted November 28, 2018 Author Posted November 28, 2018 I know you're a man. Or at least identify as one on this anonymous forum where anyone can be anyone. Only she knows if she does or does not have interest. In general, women who are interested seek to put their best foot forward with a man they wish to mate with and they make that decision nearly immediately. If he's a possibility and not a reject they present a positive and attractive physical and psychological appearance. They vent about their relationship frustrations and problems to friends. Then this is good for all men to leave a woman alone if she talks about being hurt.
basil67 Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Then this is good for all men to leave a woman alone if she talks about being hurt. It's not only good - I would call it wise. A person who "has been hurt and needs time" isn't ready to date. And for what it's worth, I see a lot of women posting here about men who've "been hurt" and need to take it slow. It's not a gender thing.
Author dateme Posted November 28, 2018 Author Posted November 28, 2018 It's not only good - I would call it wise. A person who "has been hurt and needs time" isn't ready to date. And for what it's worth, I see a lot of women posting here about men who've "been hurt" and need to take it slow. It's not a gender thing. Don't read too much into it. I didn't say it was a gender thing. I date women not men. So I'm not worried about how men respond. Only women. So if you're saying women need time is a red flag then thank you for sharing for us who date women.
carhill Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Then this is good for all men to leave a woman alone if she talks about being hurt. On early, initial dates before intimacy is established, IMO yes. Pass. In my case I put up with way too many cheating/abusive ex-spouse stories before getting a clue on this stuff. Sure, nice otherwise. The wake-up call came when I tired of the diatribe and called them on it, especially after my divorce. I mean, we've all had our stuff, like you shared in your OP. Ejected by them. They got attention and free dinners. Cheap education at relationship U, compared to divorce anyway. This perspective was reinforced by decades of having female friends say and do exactly the same thing. They would literally be breathless about saying or doing anything to turn off a potential catch who they were attracted to; something to be avoided at all costs. Never an exception that I can recall. Bottom line, if it don't flow, let it go, else keep showing up unless/until someone says no. If I wasn't attracted sexually to the woman I might enjoy playing therapist for her hurt to pass the time but else it would be a quick sharing test to see if she's a one-sided person and, if so, eject. Sharing would be throwing out a few anecdotes regarding lessons learned from marriage and see where her interest lies. If she instantly goes back to self, buh bye.
basil67 Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Don't read too much into it. I didn't say it was a gender thing. I date women not men. So I'm not worried about how men respond. Only women. So if you're saying women need time is a red flag then thank you for sharing for us who date women. You're welcome
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