heavyhearted1977 Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Hi all... I'll just get right into it... I am in a relationship for nearly a year (10 months to be exact). I am 41, divorced.. I have 2 children. He is 44. Divorced, no children. We met.. we were instantly drawn to one another.... He competes in bodybuilding.. I am a project manager. I help keep the business end of his world afloat as well as help do is prep-food, etc (I do catering on the side). We have a great dynamic. We generally get along. We have fun together.. We are very verbally affectionate..etc... Problem is, we haven't been intimate in 6 months... It used to be incredible.. But now, he always has some reasoning... Either its that he is in pain somewhere or he is going through "prep" which is a very intense process... But even when I verbally say things to him that have some sort of innuendo, he doesn't reply at times. There's is no sense of "I cant wait to get past this process so we can make love again".. Its one thing for the intimacy to slow down but it has stopped all together.. I've told him about this. I've asked him to explain what it is.. why doesn't he seemed interested in sleeping with me. Is it me? Is it something that he isnt happy about in our relationship, etc. Its always the same response. What makes no sense to me is.. he will say that he's always in pain etc. but will put himself through an INTENSE workout under those same physical conditions...But he cant be intimate with me? I dont understand it... I've cried over it. I've explained how hurtful it is.. I feel undesired by the man I love because he doesn't even try.. I've about had it.. I can't keep on this way. I want a relationship with intimacy. I NEED that in my relationship.... If he doesn't come around, I am thinking of ending things because it's not fair to me... AM I WRONG FOR THAT? Im almost to the point that I dont care about WHY he doesn't sleep with me anymore. I've almost about had it....
d0nnivain Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 If this relationship isn't fulfilling your needs get out. Before you close the door behind you tell him why you are leaving & give one last chance for him to change but that's it. 1
kendahke Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Why does it take you walking out the door for him to open a can of "act right"? If he couldn't come to that without all of my bringing it to his attention time and time again, then this isn't going to keep him there. He'll straighten up long enough for you to stop making the motions of leaving then he'll go back to how he's been treating you. Definitely tell him you're out. Then make sure your actions buttress that.
PRW Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Wow. I don't know. Crazy situation. A buff guy that doesn't want to get laid? Has such a creature been invented? Well, my gut response would be that he is getting it somewhere else but wants to keep you around because of all the things you do for him that he has become dependent on. Now there is no indication of this in anything you said,...it is just a gut feeling. I would suggest maybe not doing all those things you are doing. If you have your own place then stay there more and force him to take care of himself. Stop being the 2nd mommy. See what reaction you get. But it you have already hit the wall then there isn't anything I can do about that.
Alex36 Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Sounds to me you have done the right thing by talking to him about it maybe try talking to him again. If you do decide to end it you are doing nothing wrong it has to be right for you it is a cliché but you only get one life. You could carry on for a few more years only to end it anyway then you will beat yourself up for wasting more of your life. But yeah discuss with him again hopefully he might open up this time.
MaleIntuition Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Prepping for a competition as a bodybuilder means a caloric deficit over a long period of time. Although, to my knowledge, we don’t have many studies on male athletes and caloric deficit - it’s not unreasonable to assume that it messes with our hormones, among them testosterone levels. A quick google and I found plenty of anecdotes supporting this theory: https://www.google.no/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/Fitness/comments/284mb3/does_being_in_a_caloric_deficit_decrease_your/ Now, knowing why isn’t necessarily a solution for your situation. Professional bodybuilders sacrifices a lot; their life revolves very much around it - can you live with that in the long run? 1
Author heavyhearted1977 Posted November 28, 2018 Author Posted November 28, 2018 If this relationship isn't fulfilling your needs get out. Before you close the door behind you tell him why you are leaving & give one last chance for him to change but that's it. Thank you for your input.. I am thinking of doing just that... I literally hurts. I feel rejected. And the irony is, I am a highly attractive woman. It just makes me sad... Im so loyal to him..
Author heavyhearted1977 Posted November 28, 2018 Author Posted November 28, 2018 Why does it take you walking out the door for him to open a can of "act right"? If he couldn't come to that without all of my bringing it to his attention time and time again, then this isn't going to keep him there. He'll straighten up long enough for you to stop making the motions of leaving then he'll go back to how he's been treating you. Definitely tell him you're out. Then make sure your actions buttress that. I like this....Why does it take you walking out the door for him to open a can of "act right"?" Thanks so much girl..That's where Im at, at this point.
Author heavyhearted1977 Posted November 28, 2018 Author Posted November 28, 2018 Wow. I don't know. Crazy situation. A buff guy that doesn't want to get laid? Has such a creature been invented? Well, my gut response would be that he is getting it somewhere else but wants to keep you around because of all the things you do for him that he has become dependent on. Now there is no indication of this in anything you said,...it is just a gut feeling. I would suggest maybe not doing all those things you are doing. If you have your own place then stay there more and force him to take care of himself. Stop being the 2nd mommy. See what reaction you get. But it you have already hit the wall then there isn't anything I can do about that. To be honest, I thought about that too.. I know what I deserve. Thats why Im at this point. I give entirely. I support my partners dreams, goals, ambitions, etc... But I have needs. I do appreciate your bluntness..
Author heavyhearted1977 Posted November 28, 2018 Author Posted November 28, 2018 Prepping for a competition as a bodybuilder means a caloric deficit over a long period of time. Although, to my knowledge, we don’t have many studies on male athletes and caloric deficit - it’s not unreasonable to assume that it messes with our hormones, among them testosterone levels. A quick google and I found plenty of anecdotes supporting this theory: https://www.google.no/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/Fitness/comments/284mb3/does_being_in_a_caloric_deficit_decrease_your/ Now, knowing why isn’t necessarily a solution for your situation. Professional bodybuilders sacrifices a lot; their life revolves very much around it - can you live with that in the long run? You know.. I get that. And I've SEEN first hand how incredibly taxing the process is... Thats the only reason why I am still here. Because I give that some weight....
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