mujeep Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 Its been over a month since I've been on here, and I'm not proud of the reason why. I've been seeing my ex of 4 years (broke up in March) and we've been doing things together almost everyday now. I know the only reason this is happening is b/c the guy she was dating gave her the boot and she doesn't want to be alone. Her only two friends are both married and busy with their lives, so I'm the next best thing. She tells me to not get too attached b/c she wants to eventually date someone else, just not me. I can't help but be attached b/c she was and still is the love of my life. When she does find the "someone else", I know I will be devastated and sink into depression again. Question: How do I prepare myself for the inevitable when it comes so I will be able to handle the situation?
Merin Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 Don't set yourself up... Don't settle for what she's willing to give you right now. She is already telling you not to get comfortable and she's already telling you she has no plans or desire to reconcile with you... AND she is also telling you in so many ways that while you're good enough right now that you're NOT good enough long term... That isn't okay! While I know it will hurt you a lot to tell her that what she has to offer isn't going to be enough for you it will feel so much better later on for you knowing you did what was good for YOU and took back the control in your own life as to what will happen next. Friendship with this Girl isn't possible for you at this time as you still have to many romantic feeling for her that she isn't responding too.... DON'T be her back up plan or second best... screw that, you deserve better!
Author mujeep Posted September 13, 2005 Author Posted September 13, 2005 Its like one side of my brain says I do deserve better, while the other side says be with her as much as you can. Very confusing. When I'm with her, she doesn't like to be touched by me, the hugs are really strange, and she feels really distant. Its like she wants me to be one of her girlfriends. I was her boyfriend (was going to ask her to marry me this fall).....I can't do that! Pretty much the only reason we hang out is b/c we like doing many of the same activities together and its better than doing them alone. I really do want to find a better girl that I deserve. A girl that can give me what I want out of a healthy relationship that won't hesitate when I hug her. My dad told me don't go out looking for love, it will find me. Its been many months since I've been in a relationship and I don't feel like waiting much longer. I've got to get away form ex and be happy again.
Merin Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 Its like one side of my brain says I do deserve better, while the other side says be with her as much as you can. Very confusing. When I'm with her, she doesn't like to be touched by me, the hugs are really strange, and she feels really distant. Its like she wants me to be one of her girlfriends. I was her boyfriend (was going to ask her to marry me this fall).....I can't do that! Pretty much the only reason we hang out is b/c we like doing many of the same activities together and its better than doing them alone. I really do want to find a better girl that I deserve. A girl that can give me what I want out of a healthy relationship that won't hesitate when I hug her. My dad told me don't go out looking for love, it will find me. Its been many months since I've been in a relationship and I don't feel like waiting much longer. I've got to get away form ex and be happy again. You also cannot be just her Friend (not just one of her Girlfriends) because you don't have Friends ONLY feelings for her. Being with someone who doesn't love you (when you love them) and pulls away from you isn't better than doing things on your own... it's painful and confusing. You CANNOT find another romantic partner as long as you continue to cling to the idea that maybe she will change her mind.... Love cannot find you when you're pre occupied with your EX... got to make yourself open and available in order to move forward. You DO deserve better not to settle for what she wants to offer.... I'm willing to bet that as soon as she realizes you're not freakin playing with her anymore and YOU believe you deserve and WILL do better than this you will see a big change in her attitude.
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