3rd times (date) a charm? Unsure or overthinking my feelings?

[dsprimal]

Hi All,

 

I have recently started dating this girl, we are both 31. First date went real smooth. Spoke for 3 hours over coffee and the night ended up with a kiss! Big smiles from both of us. 2nd date was a week later and we went out for dinner. I was a bit tense, nervous, anxious. She could read it right off of me. The date went fine though...convo was flowing except maybe one or two slight moments of silence. At the end of the date I drove her back home and we sat in my car for a half hour just rambling about life and how we feel about the dating scene in today's society etc. Before we parted ways we ended up making out in my car. (Both dates when we kissed she took initiative to lay the kiss on me. I went in for the kiss on the cheek cause I was being a big wimp) Once that happened I literally felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I felt like myself. Before she got out of the car I told her to wait up and then she closed the door and we spoke more. That's when I just decompressed and was like "my fault if tonight felt a bit tense and didn't act like myself, I was a bit nervous that's all...I just think you're awesome and formal dates never really were my strong points." she then replied "Well we did it!". Anyways......we spoke a bit more then made out more.

 

I setup a 3rd date which will be a interactive date so i'm looking forward to that. Once I pitched the date plan she said "I would love to do that"

 

We are both talkative but more reserved and usually listeners by default. She makes me act out of my comfort zone because shes different from other girls i've dated. she classy, reserved, independent, smart. I feel like we are both slowly opening up to one another.

 

The issue I have is that our text messages are boring....super dry. She's not glued to her phone like most so the responses are delayed and i'm used to fast shooting replies, which i thrive best in. So once again i'm out of my element and I try making the convo entertaining but there so formal. like hey how is your day? good! and you? same! blah blah blah. It makes me uneasy thinking theirs a lack of interest or things to talk about.

 

Anyways - Any thoughts on how this is going would be greatly appreciated. I do enjoy her company and she's told me shes interested and wants to get to know me more. But based off our sort of not so smooth 2nd date and dull texts I fear I will lose her interest although I know she has patience and is looking for something real and genuine. Am I overthinking?

[fromheart]

Just use the phone for setting up dates. The second date went fine, but don't call a woman back when she's about to walk away.

 

Check Corey Wayne and just be yourself.

[dsprimal]

Just use the phone for setting up dates. The second date went fine, but don't call a woman back when she's about to walk away.

 

Check Corey Wayne and just be yourself.

 

I used to watch Corey Wayne all the time! But yeah I felt bad calling her back but I don't think she thought bad of it. It was just a quick "hey hold up" kind of moment and I just wanted to let out my genuine thoughts/feelings so she knew where I was coming from being nervous and whatever.

[PRW]

Hi All,

I have recently started dating this girl, we are both 31. First date went real smooth. Spoke for 3 hours over coffee and the night ended up with a kiss! Big smiles from both of us.

 

Great.

2nd date was a week later and we went out for dinner. I was a bit tense, nervous, anxious. She could read it right off of me. The date went fine though...convo was flowing except maybe one or two slight moments of silence.

Bad. You probably spent a bunch of time texting or chit-chatting between the dates. So you didn't have anything of substance left to talk about.

 

At the end of the date I drove her back home and we sat in my car for a half hour just rambling about life and how we feel about the dating scene in today's society etc.

Never "bash" or complain about dating,...while dating,...on a date.

 

Before she got out of the car I told her to wait up and then she closed the door and we spoke more. That's when I just decompressed and was like "my fault if tonight felt a bit tense and didn't act like myself, I was a bit nervous that's all...I just think you're awesome and formal dates never really were my strong points."

Absolutely stupid thing to do. You're saying, "In case you haven't figured it out, I just want you to understand,...I don't have a clue what I'm doing and you'll have to help me out along the way and show me how to be a man".

 

she then replied "Well we did it!".

She said, "Well little boy,...I got you through that one".

 

I setup a 3rd date which will be a interactive date so i'm looking forward to that. Once I pitched the date plan she said "I would love to do that"

Great! At least you made the plan and didn't ask her to help you plan it.

 

We are both talkative but more reserved and usually listeners by default.

Meaningless

 

She makes me act out of my comfort zone because shes different from other girls i've dated. she classy, reserved, independent, smart. I feel like we are both slowly opening up to one another.

You are pedestalizing her, saying she is out of your league. If she is classy and independent then she doesn't need to slowly open up to anyone. If she is holding back she is doing it because she is not sure about you. But she has probably dated a ton of guys who don't know what they are doing and you have shown yourself a little better than they were so she is giving you the benefit of a doubt and giving you more time to "man up".

 

The issue I have is that our text messages are boring....super dry. She's not glued to her phone like most so the responses are delayed and i'm used to fast shooting replies, which i thrive best in. So once again i'm out of my element and I try making the convo entertaining but there so formal. like hey how is your day? good! and you? same! blah blah blah.

Quit the teenager texting crap. That is why you ran out of things to say on the second date. The phone is for setting dates. Contact her between the dates when you have to alter plans or something. If she initiates a text, then reply, be happy and fun,...but keep it short and get off the phone.

 

@fromheart It's great that you know about Corey Wayne. I'm a big proponent of his myself. I push his book in these forums quite often. However CW would never say "just be yourself". He hates that phrase with a passion. The guys "being themselves" is almost always the root of the problem.

[PRW]

But yeah I felt bad calling her back but I don't think she thought bad of it.

 

Calling her back wasn't the bad part,...it was what you said when she stopped. If you don't think she thought bad of what you said then it just went zingging over your head. But anyway, it may not have been a deal breaker. It however was certainly was one of the worse mistakes you made that evening.

 

Get Corey Wayne's book and memorize it. Don't just cherry pick from the videos.

[PRW]

Looking back at the title of the thread...

 

The overthinking. Yea, I've been there. Once in a while I'll still find myself there. Sometimes in hindsight I'll still slap my forehead over something stupid I did.

 

It comes from not knowing what to do naturally. Since the behavor is not natural you have to stop and think about everything. To make it worse, we make decisions based on our interpretation of the current moment,...and that interpretation can be wrong which makes the subsequent decision wrong.

 

That is why you need to read CW's book "How to be a 3% Man" multiple times so that you no longer have to think about it. Everything just becomes a natural response to what you are presented with.

[khalessi]

I think texting is fine if thats both what you like to do...

[dsprimal]

We just went on our 3rd date and it went well. Was an interactive artsy date which neither of us have done before so that was nice. After the date I dropped her off spoke a bit then kissed and she left. Towards the way end of the date when we were in my car talking her body language wasn't as "comfy" as she was the prior two dates. I could be overthinking but she had her arms crossed at one moment but not long. When I went in for the kiss she brightened up with a big smile as she approached the kiss. So after she left and I drove off I realized that she left her art piece in my car as well as took my drink that I bought. I texted her as I was driving away about how she left it and she said "can you hold it for me until next time?!", which I replied ok! So the following day she texts me first in relation to something we were talking about during the date and then added how she was sorry she accidentally took my water bottle (maybe she was deep in thought thats why she took it?) it was a short little convo but that was it. We spoke about texting when we went out and she said she hates being on the phone in anyway shape or form unless its absolutely necessary like to setup a date or whatever. So now I understand the long gaps of time between texts.

 

My current worry is that we both are reserved and more listeners than talkers. I don't really have that many stories to tell or w/e to just CONTROL the conversation. So there are times of silence which I then panic over thinking "crap crap crap gotta say something quick!". I'm hoping with time we will understand the amount of conversation we are comfy with instead of trying to forcefully put convo out there throughout the whole date which is tiring.

 

The last thing I worry about is we have already kissed but have yet to hold hands. Like when we go out we walk together and I sort of lead the way but we have never held hands. I haven't felt READY enough or comfy enough yet to do that. its weird how we kissed many times already but have yet to hold hands....I worry that I will bring myself into the freindzone.

Edited November 30, 2018 by dsprimal

[olivetree]

I think it's fine that you've kissed but not held hands.

Holding hands can be very couple/exclusive-like - so just do it when you feel the time is right.

 

It's also fine if you're both listeners.

This probably means you're both introverts, enjoy alone time and silence, which I think makes you more compatible.

You just need to get to the part where silence is comfortable.

 

Try to take it easy and just enjoy each other.

If you have anxious energy you can bring about what you fear - pushing her away.

 

Also, don't apologize for your behaviour unless it was really quite rude or inappropriate.

Otherwise it comes off like you're not equals.

[smackie9]

Dude forget about that pickup crap, this bird is not the type to respond to it. Here some of smackie's advice.....just take what you want. Yes that's right, just go for it. You don't NEED signals from her to do anything.

 

 

 

You need to man up and be a man. Follow your desire to touch, to hold her hand, to grab her, to kiss her. She's been holding the door open for you long enough. Here's a clue for you...women get turned on by being desired by a man. It's no secret, this is how it actually works. No fancy lines, etc....just do what your desires tell you to do. Stop being a wuss.

[Lotsgoingon]

If you're having trouble after three dates feeling really comfortable with this person, that's a sign that you two might like each other ... but just aren't a good romantic fit. It's not just "you" ... it's you and her.

 

Once a week dates strikes me as too little time at the beginning. If you're really into each other, you'd want to see each other at least twice a week ... and/or ... you'd have some long phone conversations in between. By phone, I mean talk--conversations, voices, ears. Texting is not a substitute for talking. In my experience, when there is real connection, you two wouldn't be able to stop yourselves from talking on the phone or arranging other dates.

 

So I don't see this as a question of whether you'll lose interest ... I don't see strong connection to begin with. And that's fine ... neither of you is doing anything wrong ... You just don't seem to have great chemistry.