In early dating, topics to avoid at all costs?

[Logo]

On a first and second date, what topics do you avoid at all costs when you’re dating these days? Do you think the topics depend on the age of the couple?

What do you normally do when you’re asked a question that revolves around that topic? Do you playfully avoid the question, as an example?

[basil67]

I haven't dated in many years, but I wouldn't go out of my way to avoid any topics. Conversation flows where it flows, and if you find a deal breaker or a perfect agreement it's all part of the journey of life.

[lovenoobi]

I would think previous relationships.

[guest569]

Haemorrhoids.

 

I don't playfully avoid speaking of my rectum when prompted but just say I rather not go there on the first date. I think its fair enough to say that you would prefer not to discuss, or if they ask and you're comfortable to just answer honestly.

 

Why do you ask?

[carhill]

On a first and second date, what topics do you avoid at all costs when you’re dating these days?

Politics and religion.

Do you think the topics depend on the age of the couple?

Perhaps, IDK if wider in scope but I noticed as I aged I became less inhibited about diving into wider ranges of conversation topics.

What do you normally do when you’re asked a question that revolves around that topic? Do you playfully avoid the question, as an example?

 

I order another round of drinks

[FMW]

I wouldn't avoid any topics. Why waste time with someone you aren't compatible with? Unless you're just dating for casual company or sex, just be yourself and see how it works out. If a particular topic is contentious between you, better to know up front.

[ElKay]

I don't avoid any topics either. Wosrt case scenario, if something isn't an interesting or comfortable topic, I'll discuss it shortly and move on to another one.

[carhill]

Yep, I invite women to the range for a nice round of tactical on first dates. Good to get the important stuff out of the way. If they don't like gun handling, why bother, right? Or, better yet, get a nice gun control debate going at the restaurant. Great way to get to know each other. /sarcasm

 

One thing I noticed with dating, mating and marriage is that people are more accepting of each other, and their differences, as time goes by and intimacy proceeds. We're not clones so will always be different. How those differences mesh determines the health and longevity of a relationship. What could be a deal-breaker on a first meeting of strangers can become stimulating friction in an otherwise loving marriage. Seen that many times.

 

One in particular came to mind, the 30 year married where the wife hates guns and hunting and her H and son bring home a ten pound goose and proceed to clean it in her kitchen sink. Why would she put up with that? Lose that loser right? He's so disrespectful and kills animals besides. Just think if they'd gone goose hunting on their first date as teenagers. Would they be married for life? Heh. Nah, probably not and I wouldn't have enjoyed some excellent smoked goose at Thanksgiving. She said it best, things change. Yup.

 

I remember on my first date after separating from my wife, the lady asked me how I felt about marriage. Instead of changing the topic I simply stated I'd enjoyed being married even though it didn't work out and hoped to get married again someday, which was true at that time. Down the road, nah never will get married again. Learned too much from topics discussed while on dates.

[d0nnivain]

Various topics are going to evoke different reactions from different people.

 

Too many details about past relationships are probably taboo. Saying I have been divorced for x months is fine. Treating your date like a therapist is not.

 

Some people enjoy debating politics & other controversial topics including current events but others find the subjects cringeworthy. Anything you can discuss calmly is fine but if tensions are running hot, change the subject or at least find a way to dial it back.

 

The art of conversation is to find mutually interesting subjects that spark a lively back & forth.

[Cersei]

I would avoid talk of exes, marriage and having kids. Well unless the other person brings it up first. If they talk about it first I think it's ok. But it would likely scare me off.

[d0nnivain]

I would avoid talk of exes, marriage and having kids. Well unless the other person brings it up first. If they talk about it first I think it's ok. But it would likely scare me off.

 

It depends. 1-2 sentences -- I was married for x years. We have been divorced for y months & I have 2 kids is fine.

 

However, if both parties are young, never been married something along the lines of "I broke up with my EX last week & here are a list of their faults but the biggest issue is I want to be married next [week, month, year] & immediately get started on a family because I want 10 kids" would be a huge red flag.

[Simple Logic]

I would not discuss events in your life you see as problems.

[smackie9]

Avoid anything negative, like you problems, your ex, how s&^%$ your job is, how you hate your mother, sad childhood, things you hate or can't stand, bad dates, etc

[Lotsgoingon]

Avoid anything negative, like you problems, your ex, how s&^%$ your job is, how you hate your mother, sad childhood, things you hate or can't stand, bad dates, etc

 

Totally what Smackie says ^!!!! ... a date is where you talk about your goals and dreams and passions ... you don't want to complain about the world or your life ... other than that, you can go as deep as you feel comfortable going.

 

If the chemistry is good, you'll go deeper than if the chemistry is not so good. If the person is a great listener, you'll share more than if they aren't listening intently to you.

 

Later in the relationship, you can get into the traumatic and difficult stuff ... once the person knows you're stable and reliable and forward moving. But on first date ... you're not ready to see someone's messy apartment or hear about their messy life ...

[Eternal Sunshine]

I love full transparency from date 1 and don’t avoid any topics. Why waste time on hiding potential deal-breakers. Also, for me playful evasiveness is a big turn off. It would just make me get dishonest/cunning vibe. People are different though. I’m fully open about every aspect of my life and it’s crucial to find someone similar. This is even more important when doing online dating and meeting complete strangers.

[salparadise]

I like a lot of smiles and laughter on a first date, but I'm also there to frame things in and figure out if this person is within a certain range of normalcy. For example, when they reference their "first husband" I think it's perfectly within reason to want to quantify ex-husbands, length of marriages, etc. So I"d ask, so you've been married twice? I've only had one that hesitated to say. It turned out that there were 5 ex-husbands, a few of whom were legends in the region, and we're not talking about mayors or judges.

 

So, politics, religion, exes and previous relationships, hemorrhoids or what works and what doesn't, and the caliber and barrel length of her sidearm... honestly, I just go for it and let the chips fall where they may. And if she's packing anything larger than a .45 with a 6 inch barrel, I'm going to ask about the survival rate of those ex-husbands.

[elaine567]

If someone is so into anything that they feel they need to bring it up on a first date then it is probably pretty important to them, so probably best it is brought out into the open.

No point in keeping things "off the table" to find out 10 dates later they are someone we would not want to spend 10 minutes with never mind 10 dates...

[jgraham11]

Money, never bring up money on dates 1-2 in my opinion, after that if the subject comes up it's still a little awkward. I see it as a red flag for a variety of reasons if it's asked very early on in dating.

[khalessi]

def avoid deeper politics i think i think surfacer stuff is probably Okay

[rightondude]

I don't bring up Trump until after ankles are by the ears.