jtro243 Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 My relationship lasted two years and a month. She was beginning her junior year at engineering in AL, and I graduated in May with an engineering degree but was full steam ahead for the Military. I was training every day, reading about selection (I was going for special operations in the Navy) and understood exactly what the price could be for my service. I was ready to abandon my family, my field of study for the past six years, risk failing and living on dirt pay as an enlisted, and above all else... losing her. I thought I was ready, I just had to work a little harder in the gym until Spring and I would execute my plan. I figure it would be too much for her and she would leave me, she had very clearly voiced displeasure in my goal for this in the past and I was just so motivated and hooyah about it that I didn't care for her feelings about it. Even blamed her for not caring when we DID speak about it... Well we had a fight about my mistrust of her after she'd been back to AL for 2 weeks. Two days later I got a text from her about a break. I never really functioned well mentally without her. She was home to me, and I spent a lot of nights in the past couple years awake just missing the hell out of her. Before the break started I fell apart pretty bad. I had suddenly come to realize that I wanted her in my life more than the Navy and that joining would have been a mistake, and I was doing it for the wrong reasons anyways. I told her this, but I'm sure she probably just thought I was just willing to say anything to keep her around. Here I am 3 months later. I took a job in the town she goes to school about 2 weeks after she texted me to let me know the break should be more permanent. Her mother eventually told her I moved here. At first things were horrible and I regretted moving here, still do to some degree. But at least I'm making good money, and not on a damn tin can in the middle of the Atlantic. A lot easier to cry in a luxury apartment than a rack. I've accepted that things are over and that even though she's just a fifteen minute drive away, she might as well be dead. I still love her and will always wonder why I never got the opportunity to show her I changed like I promised I would when this all started. Since this all happened I have taken the time to read and understand why I treated her the way I did, and how relationships in my life should be handled. I had a lot of bad role models, specifically my parents. I recently had a huge fight with my dad on my first trip back home since I moved out... He acted the exact same way I did to her when I would get mad/upset. Up until we broke up, I just thought it was normal to do the things we did (scream, curse, throw things, say hurtful stuff, etc.) and at one point in the conflict with my father it really hit me. I had always theorized where my behavior came from, but now I knew. I don't ever want to be like my parents. So i guess I'm writing this because after all this time, and not caring if I lost her, and almost breaking up with her, I know I would have regretted it. In fact, just a week prior to the last fight we had I decided that I should either end things now or proactively start finding a way to fix this relationship and get better. I don't give up easily when I really love someone. I hope maybe this helps someone in some way. Things get dark. But stick to a routine, find an outlet. I'm not a very religious guy, but I gave God a second chance after years of not believing in such a thing and I have cried after every service from how healed and at peace I feel. I never thought I would be here today typing this, but you make plans and God laughs.
Garcon1986 Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Much respect to your service and writing this story mate, it rings true with many on here. Let us know if you have further questions on how to handle things, you are doing a great job recognizing things to do better.
Author jtro243 Posted November 28, 2018 Author Posted November 28, 2018 Much respect to your service and writing this story mate, it rings true with many on here. Let us know if you have further questions on how to handle things, you are doing a great job recognizing things to do better. I appreciate the response, but I never served. I guess I never clarified that too well. But thank you nonetheless.
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