JVort Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 I've written about my now girlfriend before. We have decided to become exclusive rather recently and we've tried to be transparent on our wants, needs, issues. I explained that in my last relationship my ex was "bread crumbing" men for attention. She was having emotional affairs with them. There were as many as 4 or 5 men she was in contact with that made clear their feelings and she did nothing to thwart these advances. Set boundaries or even tell them about me in any way. That plus other things put an end to our relationship. The experience was difficult and has made it hard to trust. I've met this woman a bit ago and she's asked to be exclusive. after some thought I agreed and told her this story. She felt for me and did explain a very recent 3 year long relationship with a man who lived over 100 miles away that she talked to every day but never met. She explained that they obviously had a connection with this person but every time she planned to meet him she was talked out of it by her friends. She then explained that bc of my experience she would end that emotional relationship but needed to speak to him directly and she owed him that. I agreed and just let her do her thing. She did what she needed to do. Later she shared had I not brought up my experience, she probably would have continued to speak with him which was a bit disconcerting for sure, but nevertheless she chose the former. My question is I have a mild fear at this point that this will happen again. That she will have an emotional affair with someone else and I'll again be hurt. I realize this is mostly my issue and I need to get through it. I am carrying it into new relationships. However, on another level this is a legit concern and fear. I told her I won't go through that again so Ive made it clear. So Ive communicated and she's been amazing so far. There is still this little voice that wonders if Im putting myself in a bad situation again. Im guessing I just need to trust her and be vulnerable. I guess Im asking if that is a sound strategy? Should I trust her and just deal with my **** and walk through it?
ExpatInItaly Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 I would very much question the maturity of an adult who believes they were in a relationship with a stranger for 3 years. If this person were a teen, eh, they get swept up in these things. But as an adult? I would be concerned about their level of emotional maturity and ability to apply good judgment and common sense, and to relate in a healthy way with a partner. That alone would be raising red flags about the person, not to mention their expressed desire to continue talking to their mystery mate after meeting someone else in real life (ie, you) Her cutting it off now would not be my utmost concern about her, my friend.
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