olivetree Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 I really don't understand the whole **** testing thing. People actually do this? And if they do, do you really want to date them? I would side-step her request by saying you'll meet her at a coffee shop in her area. Phrase it like "Let's meet at..." so you sound in control but it also sounds like a friendly suggestion.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 I really don't understand the whole **** testing thing. People actually do this? And if they do, do you really want to date them? I would side-step her request by saying you'll meet her at a coffee shop in her area. Phrase it like "Let's meet at..." so you sound in control but it also sounds like a friendly suggestion. I don't think it's quite as common in our culture, but she's Vietnamese and from what I hear they like to be wooed more than Western girls. They expect more from the guy that would be characterized as "chivalry"
Author jgraham11 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 Or you find out she's really a prostitute who's charging by the hour....just tell her you'll drive to her. That way, if there is anything fishy, you may find out. God, I hope this is a joke haha
kendahke Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 No it's called having common sense buddy. 30 miles to drive, 30 miles back, 30 miles to drop her off at home and then 30 miles back to my house. That's 120 miles driven for a coffee date... Obviously, I'm not going to do it at this point, I'm just going to say we can get a coffee in her town when I pick her up I"m agreeing with you, girly....
kendahke Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 she is ****-testing you... seeing how much crap you can take take a lot? 30 miles just to see her pretty face? you are obvsly devoted... imho I seriously doubt she's ****-testing anyone. OP said this might be a cultural thing.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 I seriously doubt she's ****-testing anyone. OP said this might be a cultural thing. Could be both too. Cause that's not really something most American girls do, at least not in my experience
brigit87 Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 Could be both too. Cause that's not really something most American girls do, at least not in my experience Wow dating has changed. I'm 50. I always had my dates pick me up at my mom's house. They met my mom and then we went out. Sometimes they didn't meet her but they had to come to the door. Then at the end of the night they walked me back to my door. That was what dating was like in the 90's. Sometimes they brought flowers. 2
Author jgraham11 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 Wow dating has changed. I'm 50. I always had my dates pick me up at my mom's house. They met my mom and then we went out. Sometimes they didn't meet her but they had to come to the door. Then at the end of the night they walked me back to my door. That was what dating was like in the 90's. Sometimes they brought flowers. I kind of half expect that with this girl. I feel like she's literally going to try to introduce me to her parents or family, which is funny since we've only been talking online up until now. Just the feeling I'm kind of getting, could be wrong.
brigit87 Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 I kind of half expect that with this girl. I feel like she's literally going to try to introduce me to her parents or family, which is funny since we've only been talking online up until now. Just the feeling I'm kind of getting, could be wrong. You're probably right. Just tell her you don't mind picking her up but you'll need to take her someplace close to her house. Driving back and forth and back forth is nuts. 2
Author jgraham11 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 You're probably right. Just tell her you don't mind picking her up but you'll need to take her someplace close to her house. Driving back and forth and back forth is nuts. I totally agree. Gas isn't cheap!
smackie9 Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Wow springing meeting the parents at the last minute....surprise! This is my father and mother, brother, my two sisters, my cousin, my grandmother... lol 1
Mrs._December Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Before OLD when people knew each other in some context before a 1st date, it was customary to pick the person up. LOL. Not only that, but guys had to actually CALL a girl. There was no texting, no Facebook messaging, no SnapChatting, no Skyping - NONE of that cowardly crap to hide behind. Guys had to actually man the hell up, dial the phone, make the phone call, make conversation with the girl, and set a time and day for a date then tell her what time he'd be at her place to pick her up. Today's guys would implode if they couldn't hide behind their cell phones and actually had to do what men have done since practically the beginning of time. 6
CptInsano Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Guys had to actually man the hell up, dial the phone, make the phone call, make conversation with the girl, and set a time and day for a date then tell her what time he'd be at her place to pick her up. Today's guys would implode if they couldn't hide behind their cell phones and actually had to do what men have done since practically the beginning of time. I remember calling for the dates, and then her mom answered the phone. Especially bad if Mom was in a chatty mood and then wanted to know why you called. Yeah, I remember that ritual. 2
Redhead14 Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 So a little context to begin. I met this girl on Match a week ago, we've talked a little, I like her, she seems to like me so we agreed to meet, great! Now she's Vietnamese and maybe this important to note because of a cultural thing? Anyway, she asked me to pick her up on the 1st date, which really is just going to be coffee. It's not like we're going to some 5 star restaurant, it's just to get to know each other better in person instead of text. Now I'm assuming she obviously has no car, but to ask that I found it kind of.. odd. So does anybody have experience with this? Is it normal for someone to ask to be picked up on the 1st date because this is the first I've ever heard of it. Again I've never dated a Vietnamese girl before though, so maybe this is just a cultural thing.. Also, note she lives 30 miles away from me, not just down the street. She wants to have coffee in my city and then go back to her city (presumably) to be dropped off, a lot to ask if I'm being honest. She's not very smart to get into a car with a strange man the first time she meets hm - Ding #1. Ding #2 - she's inconsiderate at best for asking you to drive 120 miles for coffee. Ding #3 - Is she a citizen? Seems to me she's looking to see what kind of hoops and how high you will jump for a date and, if you do well, you're a good candidate to help her get citizenship . . .
Author jgraham11 Posted November 28, 2018 Author Posted November 28, 2018 She's not very smart to get into a car with a strange man the first time she meets hm - Ding #1. Ding #2 - she's inconsiderate at best for asking you to drive 120 miles for coffee. Ding #3 - Is she a citizen? Seems to me she's looking to see what kind of hoops and how high you will jump for a date and, if you do well, you're a good candidate to help her get citizenship . . . Well, one, let's slow down on the strange bit please lol. She's the strange one for even making that an option. Two, I agree. Three, the thought has crossed my mind, but I'm not sure. I mean she does speak pretty decent English. It's not like she's fresh off the boat from Vietnam, so she may already have citizenship. That's not something I'll be able to really get a read on until I meet her.
d0nnivain Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 jgraham11 When we all comment about how odd it seems for a woman to get into a car with a strange man, we are not insulting you. As women we are taught to fear closed spaces with men we don't know well. While we're reasonably sure you are a nice guy, from the other side of a keyboard nobody knows that for sure. Hence we pick up on the risk of getting in the car. Granted I have done it. My 1st OLD date. We were both traveling about an hour's distance to meet for dinner. I drove. He took public transportation. Because he is a licensed professional, I actually doubled checked with the state agency to confirm he was who he said he was. I wasn't the most trusting OLD dater. He picked a restaurant about 10 blocks from the train station where he'd be coming into town. The afternoon of out date it was monsoon-ing out, one of those rainstorms where it's coming down so hard you can barely see the hood of your car. I called to ask if he wanted to change to the restaurant across from the train station but he didn't. Since I liked the place he picked, I offered to pick him up from the station due to the rain which he happily accepted. This was before Uber/Lyft & with rain that hard I knew cabs would be scarce. If I hadn't confirmed with the licensing agency, I might not have let him in the car. Granted that was no guarantee he wasn't going to hurt me but it was some indication that I'd be safe.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 28, 2018 Author Posted November 28, 2018 jgraham11 When we all comment about how odd it seems for a woman to get into a car with a strange man, we are not insulting you. As women we are taught to fear closed spaces with men we don't know well. While we're reasonably sure you are a nice guy, from the other side of a keyboard nobody knows that for sure. Hence we pick up on the risk of getting in the car. Granted I have done it. My 1st OLD date. We were both traveling about an hour's distance to meet for dinner. I drove. He took public transportation. Because he is a licensed professional, I actually doubled checked with the state agency to confirm he was who he said he was. I wasn't the most trusting OLD dater. He picked a restaurant about 10 blocks from the train station where he'd be coming into town. The afternoon of out date it was monsoon-ing out, one of those rainstorms where it's coming down so hard you can barely see the hood of your car. I called to ask if he wanted to change to the restaurant across from the train station but he didn't. Since I liked the place he picked, I offered to pick him up from the station due to the rain which he happily accepted. This was before Uber/Lyft & with rain that hard I knew cabs would be scarce. If I hadn't confirmed with the licensing agency, I might not have let him in the car. Granted that was no guarantee he wasn't going to hurt me but it was some indication that I'd be safe. Yeah I know that. It's just like I'm not even the one comfortable with the idea, she is lol. If anything I guess it just shows she's very trusting, if not very naive. I've already switched plans to meet at a Starbucks real close to where she lives. I may even one up and say let's just meet there. 1
brigit87 Posted November 28, 2018 Posted November 28, 2018 Yeah I know that. It's just like I'm not even the one comfortable with the idea, she is lol. If anything I guess it just shows she's very trusting, if not very naive. I've already switched plans to meet at a Starbucks real close to where she lives. I may even one up and say let's just meet there. Can you do that? LOL I want to hear if she accepts to meet you there or says why can't you pick me up? I know it's a different because it's OLD and you've never met but I'd be so insulted if a guy asked me to meet him someplace. I'd say "Umm I forgot I'm really busy that day. I can't make it." I like old fashion courtship.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 28, 2018 Author Posted November 28, 2018 Can you do that? LOL I want to hear if she accepts to meet you there or says why can't you pick me up? I know it's a different because it's OLD and you've never met but I'd be so insulted if a guy asked me to meet him someplace. I'd say "Umm I forgot I'm really busy that day. I can't make it." I like old fashion courtship. Honestly, I don't know. I'm so like thrown off by this whole thing I'm like coming up with all these weird scenarios in my head lol. This is just SO different than how a normal coffee pre-date works nowadays. It's like almost always both people just meet there. It's not like this is date #3 or #5 etc
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