She wants to get picked up on the 1st date?..

[jgraham11]

So a little context to begin. I met this girl on Match a week ago, we've talked a little, I like her, she seems to like me so we agreed to meet, great! Now she's Vietnamese and maybe this important to note because of a cultural thing?

 

Anyway, she asked me to pick her up on the 1st date, which really is just going to be coffee. It's not like we're going to some 5 star restaurant, it's just to get to know each other better in person instead of text. Now I'm assuming she obviously has no car, but to ask that I found it kind of.. odd. So does anybody have experience with this? Is it normal for someone to ask to be picked up on the 1st date because this is the first I've ever heard of it. Again I've never dated a Vietnamese girl before though, so maybe this is just a cultural thing..

 

Also, note she lives 30 miles away from me, not just down the street. She wants to have coffee in my city and then go back to her city (presumably) to be dropped off, a lot to ask if I'm being honest.

Edited November 27, 2018 by jgraham11

[kendahke]

So a little context to begin. I met this girl on Match a week ago, we've talked a little, I like her, she seems to like me so we agreed to meet, great! Now she's Vietnamese and maybe this important to note because of a cultural thing?

 

Anyway, she asked me to pick her up on the 1st date, which really is just going to be coffee. It's not like we're going to some 5 star restaurant, it's just to get to know each other better in person instead of text. Now I'm assuming she obviously has no car, but to ask that I found it kind of.. odd. So does anybody have experience with this? Is it normal for someone to ask to be picked up on the 1st date because this is the first I've ever heard of it. Again I've never dated a Vietnamese girl before though, so maybe this is just a cultural thing..

 

Also, note she lives 30 miles away from me, not just down the street. She wants to have coffee in my city and then go back to her city (presumably) to be dropped off, a lot to ask if I'm being honest.

 

I wouldn't. Why doesn't she have a male relative drive her up and wait for her then?

 

You have to decide if this is what you want to do for a first date. It reads like you're balking at this--and if so, just tell her to Uber it or take Mass Transit---or don't date women who don't drive and live 30 miles away from you.

[jgraham11]

I wouldn't. Why doesn't she have a male relative drive her up and wait for her then?

 

You have to decide if this is what you want to do for a first date. It reads like you're balking at this--and if so, just tell her to Uber it or take Mass Transit---or don't date women who don't drive and live 30 miles away from you.

 

I think a male relative driving her and then waiting for our date is kind of asking even more. 30 miles isn't a huge deal for me. If this was date 3-4, etc I'd have no problem. I just think it's.. different, to be asking on the 1st date

[Wallysbears]

Perhaps offer instead to meet somewhere closer to her? Avoid the driving thing all together?

 

 

*I don't think in the era of OLD it is safe for any one to be in a car with someone that they just met online for the first time. I would always suggest meeting at a mutually convenient place for a first date.

[kendahke]

I think a male relative driving her and then waiting for our date is kind of asking even more. 30 miles isn't a huge deal for me. If this was date 3-4, etc I'd have no problem. I just think it's.. different, to be asking on the 1st date

 

Here's where you're messing up: you're thinking that she thinks the exact way you think and she doesn't--and she's showing you that right now.

 

30 miles might be a huge deal TO HER. She might have a problem just driving up by herself to meet you out and about (like you could stand her up); she may not know the area well and is afraid to be by herself trying to find it. You don't know her upbringing or why she does what she does, so stop trying to cram her into your box of "this is how I do it".

 

It would help to stop thinking that everyone thinks exactly the same way you do because that can come across as an unattractive quality especially at a first meeting.

 

If you don't want to drive 30 miles to pick her up, then don't. This ain't the chick for you--she needs to find someone who lives in her area if she's got issues driving herself anywhere.

[jgraham11]

Here's where you're messing up: you're thinking that she thinks the exact way you think and she doesn't--and she's showing you that right now.

 

30 miles might be a huge deal TO HER. She might have a problem just driving up by herself to meet you out and about (like you could stand her up); she may not know the area well and is afraid to be by herself trying to find it. You don't know her upbringing or why she does what she does, so stop trying to cram her into your box of "this is how I do it".

 

It would help to stop thinking that everyone thinks exactly the same way you do because that can come across as an unattractive quality especially at a first meeting.

 

If you don't want to drive 30 miles to pick her up, then don't. This ain't the chick for you--she needs to find someone who lives in her area if she's got issues driving herself anywhere.

 

No it's called having common sense buddy. 30 miles to drive, 30 miles back, 30 miles to drop her off at home and then 30 miles back to my house. That's 120 miles driven for a coffee date... Obviously, I'm not going to do it at this point, I'm just going to say we can get a coffee in her town when I pick her up

[jgraham11]

Perhaps offer instead to meet somewhere closer to her? Avoid the driving thing all together?

 

 

*I don't think in the era of OLD it is safe for any one to be in a car with someone that they just met online for the first time. I would always suggest meeting at a mutually convenient place for a first date.

 

I agree completely! Funny thing is she's the woman in this whole thing and they're usually the ones more unsure of things like this. Again, I wonder how much culture plays into this though. For an American girl to do this would be extremely rare, but is it for a Vietnamese girl? Maybe not

[preraph]

She's foolish for even getting in the car with a guy she's never met. But the bigger problem here is it's 30 miles away and if you don't want to drive it on the first date, you're likely never going to want to drive it. You should meet halfway in between. I just don't see how it's going to work if you have to drive 30 miles all the time since you have an issue with it. I don't think it's cultural.

[jgraham11]

She's foolish for even getting in the car with a guy she's never met. But the bigger problem here is it's 30 miles away and if you don't want to drive it on the first date, you're likely never going to want to drive it. You should meet halfway in between. I just don't see how it's going to work if you have to drive 30 miles all the time since you have an issue with it. I don't think it's cultural.

 

I wouldn't say that, I don't have a problem with it in general. Like I said I'll drive to meet her if the chemistry is good and I can see potential there. It's just doing it on the 1st date is weird for me.

 

And yeah I was almost shocked she even mentioned me picking her up. I thought she was joking..

[smackie9]

Don't waste the gas...it might seem ok at the beginning when you are swooning over her, but in time it gets old. Don't be so desperate...find someone closer that can meet up in 10 mins.

[jgraham11]

Don't waste the gas...it might seem ok at the beginning when you are swooning over her, but in time it gets old. Don't be so desperate...find someone closer that can meet up in 10 mins.

 

 

Yeah maybe. I wouldn't say I'm desperate though. She just happens to be the one I'm talking to and lives 30 minutes away. It's not like I can't find someone closer, but I'm also fairly into this girl. As much as I could be before meeting that is.

[smackie9]

Put those feelings aside....does it make any sense to drive for over 2 hours for a 45 min coffee date?

[jgraham11]

Put those feelings aside....does it make any sense to drive for over 2 hours for a 45 min coffee date?

 

Well, I'd be okay meeting her in HER town and having coffee. I mean I'm not actually going to do what she expects or thinks. I'm changing the plans and if she doesn't like that then.

 

1. That's weird, because it's like have a little empathy for my car/wallet

 

2. It's not like her town doesn't have a Starbucks..

[d0nnivain]

Before OLD when people knew each other in some context before a 1st date, it was customary to pick the person up.

 

This is too much driving but I think your plan of having coffee closer to her is a reasonable compromise.

 

You could try asking her why she expects to be picked up. You could tell her you don't think it's a great idea. The request may be some sort of "test" she pounces on her dates to see if they are gentlemanly enough. It could be cultural. The only one who knows why this is her expectation is her.

[smackie9]

possible she is in a relationship and it's safer to be in another town where no one will recognize her.

[Whodatdog]

I think this is really bad on her part. She doesnt know you, you could be a serial killer for all she knows. She hasnt even met you in real life. In my opinion, a first time meeting off of a dating site isnt really a date, its just an initial meeting to see if theres any interest TO date.

 

Have her meet you half way for coffee or something. Driving all that way for someone you havent even met sets a bad precedent. Slow down, buddy.

[jgraham11]

Before OLD when people knew each other in some context before a 1st date, it was customary to pick the person up.

 

This is too much driving but I think your plan of having coffee closer to her is a reasonable compromise.

 

You could try asking her why she expects to be picked up. You could tell her you don't think it's a great idea. The request may be some sort of "test" she pounces on her dates to see if they are gentlemanly enough. It could be cultural. The only one who knows why this is her expectation is her.

 

Yeah I'm comfortable driving to meet her and have a coffee in her town at least. It's funny you mention "test" though because I thought the same thing. To be honest I feel like most guys my age 25-30 would probably balk at that. That's a generalization of course, but it's just my gut feeling

[Whodatdog]

What happens if you pick her up, drive all the way to your city, and before you even get there, you find you cant stand her. Or theres no conversation in the car all the way there. Thats gonna be a long ugly evening. And puts a lot of pressure on a first time meeting.

[jgraham11]

I think this is really bad on her part. She doesnt know you, you could be a serial killer for all she knows. She hasnt even met you in real life. In my opinion, a first time meeting off of a dating site isnt really a date, its just an initial meeting to see if theres any interest TO date.

 

Have her meet you half way for coffee or something. Driving all that way for someone you havent even met sets a bad precedent. Slow down, buddy.

 

Well hold on it's not like I offered! I mean she asked me and at first I was taken back, but I could manage going and meeting her for coffee in her town. I may just ask if she wants to meet at a specific Starbucks in her town. That way I don't have to pick her up. Someone who previously posted mentioned a "test" though and given her different cultural upbringing I wonder if that's what it was.

[jgraham11]

What happens if you pick her up, drive all the way to your city, and before you even get there, you find you cant stand her. Or theres no conversation in the car all the way there. Thats gonna be a long ugly evening. And puts a lot of pressure on a first time meeting.

 

Yup, believe me that thought has already crossed my mind.

[Whodatdog]

I know you didnt offer. I just think its really bad on her part. Im not saying youre a bad guy, not at all. I think shes being very careless.

[jgraham11]

I know you didnt offer. I just think its really bad on her part. Im not saying youre a bad guy, not at all. I think shes being very careless.

 

Yeah kind of. I even thought that too, I'm like, you don't even know me lol. Not that she's in any trouble, but it's like you need to be careful

[darkmoon]

she is ****-testing you...

 

 

seeing how much crap you can take

 

 

take a lot? 30 miles just to see her pretty face? you are obvsly devoted... imho

[jgraham11]

she is ****-testing you...

 

 

seeing how much crap you can take

 

 

take a lot? 30 miles just to see her pretty face? you are obvsly devoted... imho

 

Well let's see how she reacts to my test "Let's just get coffee down the street". Good to know I have a practical outlook on things at least.

[preraph]

Or you find out she's really a prostitute who's charging by the hour....just tell her you'll drive to her. That way, if there is anything fishy, you may find out.