blackendangel13 Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 Ok for some background see my other posts. I have decided that I need to let the ex go...again. He is sucking the life out of me and hurting me all over again. He honestly is so selfish that he can't see how this trying to be friends thing is hurting me. So instead of twisting the knife in my heart I have decided to remove myself. Now here is the hard part. We have a lot of the same friends. I have been doing "no contact" for three weeks straight and that a**h*** hasn't even made any effort to contact me when we were talking everyday. So basically he has no clue that I am done. On one hand I want to send him a letter/email with an explanation. That way I will avoid an awkward "where have you been" conversation come his birthday this month or October when I will see him at my friends wedding. Yes I am seriously dreading this! Their wedding is a parade of my exes but this one bothers me most. On the other hand, he is notorious for manipulating me and if I send him the letter he will do everything in his power to say the right things to make me change my mind. It sucks so bad that if this wasn't my good friends wedding I would not go. I don't want to see him or want to be around him. He is like a drug, a selfish, narcisistic, cancerous drug. I love him, but I hate him. To be honest, I don't know why I love him. He was a ****ty boyfriend and is being an even ****tier friend. If I hadn't just gotten back into college here I'd consider a change of venue just to get away from him, it has gotten that bad. And we have been broken up for over a year now.
bluechocolate Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 And we have been broken up for over a year now. Wow! A year & you're still torn up about it. This is why I am generally of the opinion that "being friends" is practically impossible in the immediate aftermath of a break up. Especially if things were acrimonious & one of the party didn't want things to end in the first place. Strict no contact is definitely what you need to do. As for the wedding, is it too late for you to take a date? If you can't take a date ask a friend who is going to be there to stick close to you. That way they can act as a buffer between you & the ex. Also you should try & use it as an opportunity to shine. Look your absolute best. Get a new hair cut. Smile a lot, be friendly & chatty with everyone (except him of course). Living the good life without him is your best revenge, even if it's just a show for the time being. Eventually you will get there. On one hand I want to send him a letter/email with an explanation. That way I will avoid an awkward "where have you been" conversation The time for an explanation would have been three weeks ago. Now it'll look like your just using any excuse to get in touch with him again. He's probably figured out what's going on & is sitting back waiting for you to do just that. Don't give him the satisfaction. When, and if, he does ask, just smile & say, "I've been very busy. Maybe I'll get in touch when I've got the time." If he's such a s***ty friend then he doesn't deserve much more than that.
Author blackendangel13 Posted September 13, 2005 Author Posted September 13, 2005 Thanks for the post. Lets just say that he will always be the one in my life that tears me up. I relocated for him and gave up everything for him. When I hard a VERY hard year he was nowhere to be found. I think subconsciously I want him because I never really had him in the year and a half we were together you know? Either way, you are right about the contact thing. If he contacts me in the next three weeks I will be back here lol asking the same question. But for now, leave it be. I honestly don't think he has figured it out. He lives in his selfish little bubble and can barely see past himself. I will ask my friend to be my date. I was also thinking of asking my other ex since me and that ex only broke up about 4 months ago and are on pretty good terms. That would really piss off bad ex! I think this weekend I am going to get a new dress too. I think as it gets down to the date I will be feeling better. Today is just one of the tough days.
Author blackendangel13 Posted September 13, 2005 Author Posted September 13, 2005 I want to be. My head is but the heart isn't following so quickly. I at least know in my heart though that he is wrong for me and the more he is in my life the more miserable I will be.
Author blackendangel13 Posted September 26, 2005 Author Posted September 26, 2005 Well I just wanted to vent a little and make myself an example. It has been over a month of NC. I honestly could not be happier about that. I blocked his email/deteled his numbers and his birthday was yesterday. I didn't wish him a happy birthday and made sure to stay away from places where I might run into him. I am happy with NC and don't intend to break it. The wedding is Sunday. I got a new dress and am picking up new shoes and jewelry and have been working extra hard to make sure I look sensational. My good friend is going as a buffer and spending the day with me after the wedding. We are going to see my favorite band who is in town that day after the ceremony. Now with the exception of one crazy panic attack (long scary story) I really haven't thought much about seeing him. The panic attack was weeks ago and quite frankly I don't give a **** about my ex anymore. I had one dream where I was relocating (which I considered strongly to get away from him) and I invited everyone who ever made a positive imact in my life no matter how minimal. Well in my dream he showed up and I made him leave. In 2 years he has never done anything positive for me unless it was positive for him also and to be honest I can't even name one instance where that was the case. He is scum and I am finally ready to move on from scum. I just wanted to follow-up and give some people some hope that it will get better. There will come a day where you wake up and don't care. I even hope he brings that b**** to my friends wedding. I am waiting for the golden day when Karma comes to bite him square in the ass and if he wants to be her back-burner guy than so be it. I treated him like a king and have no regrets. I just realized that I need to treat myself like a queen first and foremost. Good luck to all those persuing NC.
Author blackendangel13 Posted September 27, 2005 Author Posted September 27, 2005 I have to. These are friends who I have known for over 6 years.
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