phatgreenbuds67 Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 (edited) Broke up with my live in girlfriend. We dated a year discussing marriage and life was great. We got along wonderfully. I bought a house and moved her in so we could start a life together. Things started going south. We had problems but nothing that was a deal breaker and we were working on overcoming them. Then she dropped a text on me one day recently telling me she was going away for thanksgiving to see friends on the east coast. That set me off and I ended it. First of all in a committed relationship you don’t TELL your SO that you are leaving. You discuss it and make sure it’s ok. Secondly who thinks it’s ok to spend the first thanksgiving living in a committed relationship apart at a time that normal people typically come together? She wasn’t even going to see family...it was to hang out with friends. I was not happy nor was I going to accept this. So yeah I told her if that’s what she wants then she is certainly free to do so but I am also free to react however I see fit. A week later I’m in Phoenix on business and was alerted that she was seen on bumble. I checked and sure enough she was active and had completely updated her profile with pictures she took on our dates. I called her out on it and she gave a completely absurd explanation. It wasn’t worth tearing apart her lies so I just stopped talking and asked her to move out of MY house as soon as possible. And we have not spoken since. She just returned from her thanksgiving trip and seems all happy with things so I guess I’ve dodged a bullet laced with lies. I should also add she removed me from all social media. SMH... Edited November 27, 2018 by phatgreenbuds67
Wallysbears Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 Ok, so once a year you log in here and say how you've just broken up with this girl who was so awesome. Do you take any time to do any self-evaluation between these women? You're what...late 40's now? 1
Senorheartbreak Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 Probably not. You seem to have preconcieved notions on how you want her to behave but rather than talk about how you feel and what you had planned, you're threatening ultimatums/the end of the relationship. Think thats a bit toxic. She probably should have ran it by you. Granted. But i think your reaction to it is not of a mature adult. Assuming you are. If shes on dating sites and you havent broken up with each other i think that says enough and theres no need to go further. You both probably dodged a bullet on this one.
d0nnivain Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 If you felt that strongly about her decision to come east for Thanksgiving, you had every right to ask her to move out. Has she officially moved out of your house?
Author phatgreenbuds67 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 First for Wallysbears thank you for your rather inaccurate and useless response. For the record I am 51 not 40's, she is 30. We have been together for just shy of two years. For Senorheartbreak I have notions about how it should have been delivered. Again we are in a committed relationship and as such we answer to each other for our actions. I had offered her trips to do what she needed throughout the year and she refused. My issue was, I was TOLD and not given any say in the matter. No opportunity to discuss it either. Now, had it been anytime other than the holidays it would not be so much of a big deal. Or had she gone to see her family for the holidays...I could have gotten past that. This was to hang out with friends, some of which are ex-boyfriends. This was about respect for the relationship and rules that she expects me to follow but are not applicable to her. d0nnivain thank you. I merely came here to get a third party opinion. Yes I feel she broke the trust and I question her motives. So I am resolved to the fact that its over. I just want to proceed the right way. No she has not moved yet. I agreed to give her until the first of the year so she can get her finances in order. I am not heartless and looking to kick her out in the street with no place to go. But there is a part of me that would love to do so.
Wallysbears Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 First for Wallysbears thank you for your rather inaccurate and useless response. For the record I am 51 not 40's, she is 30. We have been together for just shy of two years. Interesting in that you wrote a post in Sept of 2017 saying that you had broken up with another woman. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/636181-accepting-its-over-how https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/635581-i-probably-blew And your OP here stated that you were with this woman for a year - but now you are saying almost 2 years? It is Nov 2018. Is this the same woman? If not...you effectively moved on woman OUT and moved this woman in. With very little time in between to even breath. Second, you were a bit creepy with woman in 2017. She didn't reply back to texts fast enough so you jump to the assumption that what...she was cheating? And now you're ASSuming that this girl would go visit friends to cheat on you? Third, in reading through your post history - you seem to have insecurities/trust issues with women AND a bit of a controlling nature. I can see some issues in the past that may be WHY. And that's where I'm saying I think you need to take a break in between all these LTRs. It is obvious that you want a long term relationship to work. And you can get INTO relationships rather easily. BUT You are dragging the baggage from one relationship/breakup into the next and it is going to KEEP COMPOUNDING and potentially ruining things for you if you don't take a breath, take a minute and unpack some of it. If any guy that I was dating told me that I *couldn't* go see my friends for a holiday? I'd tell him to get bent. You aren't her fiancee and you aren't her husband. You have only been dating her a year and you don't get to dictate to her what she does and where she goes for holidays. Maybe you are reacting to her holiday not because of HER but because of YOUR past and what you've gone through with your exs. Take a little while and think through all this.
d0nnivain Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 No she has not moved yet. I agreed to give her until the first of the year so she can get her finances in order. I am not heartless and looking to kick her out in the street with no place to go. But there is a part of me that would love to do so. Wow. She's back. She cut you out of her social media & is on a dating App but still living under your roof. Yikes. There is a difference between being heartless & being a sucker. What are you going to do if she has the audacity to bring another guy home?
Author phatgreenbuds67 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 Wallysbears it is indeed the same girl in both. I can see your failure to comprehend those posts as well as this one that you are misrepresenting me to the other readers. The creepy post you mentioned was not about the lack of a text reply, it was about catching her lying to me while she WAS in fact talking to another guy. This current incident is about ground rules she set and expects me to follow but does not follow herself. We dated for a year, then I bought a house and we have lived together for nearly another year...do the math. Trust issues? Absolutely! With everyone. I have cut family out of my life for lying to me. Same with friends and girlfriends in the past. Everyone is trusted until proven they shouldn’t be. Do your best with the amateur psychology analysis based on sporadic posts. I’ve made my decision and I was asking the community if it was unfair. You have made your position known. Thank you
Author phatgreenbuds67 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 Donnivain, yeah I have considered that. I have also prepared for it if she decides to cross that line. In Texas I would have to legally evict her even tho it’s my house. I have an attorney on retainer with the paperwork ready in the event she tries to stall or crosses the line of my kindness
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