trashpanda Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 Hello Internet, (warning - long post) I've known my good friend (let's call him Bob), for 4 years. Recently, I confessed that I like him, and told him to please reject me so I could get over it. He didn't reject me. He said he basically loves me, too. Why this is VERY BAD: (backstory) We met working at a sales firm. He was one of the team leads in our sales pod. He is a quieter type of person. Not shy, but kept to himself. I loved to throw wrenches at our processes, and he loved to listen to my ideas. Many late night work calls, turned into fraternizing. Internal chats became our channel for jokes, gifs and flirty emoji's. We quickly became good friends, which was fine with me. So when Bob sat next to me in every client meeting, it seemed natural. When I'd come to my desk every morning to find my things re-arranged, I knew who it was. Some morning's, he'd text early and ask when I'd be in the office. I would walk in to find a perfectly made cup of java, exactly the way I drink it, waiting for me, still steaming hot at my desk. Bob left the company 2 years after I started. When he left, I swear, I mourned for 5 months. I missed the burning eye contact, flirty touches, and shenanigans, terribly, Fast forward to about a year after his departure. We had lost touch, blame both of us. I got a new job working from home for my dream company. Middle of the day, in-between meeting's, I head to the grocery store. While scrutinizing organic tomatoes, some jerk walking too fast clips my shoulder and almost knocks me sideways. Jerk then briskly walks away, but I recognized the black, slicked back hair from behind and yelled "AY BOB!!!". He stopped, turned right around with a huge smile full of gauze (wisdom teeth removed earlier in the day). We attempted to catch up, but I couldn't understand anything he was saying, so committed to catch up soon. And we did. I told him all about my new gig, how we were hiring, and where I moved. Turns out we had been living in the same complex for some months! Fast forward 2 months more, and we're working at the same company again. So here we are, same chemistry, same inside jokes, burning stares and late night calls, inseparable, like we never missed a beat. It's now been 2 more years together at this company, and I've learned so much more about him. He's opened up and tells me all about his goals, dreams, fears, memories, family, friends. I do the same, he's been the only person I've wanted to be vulnerable with to this day. Our hugs are intense and lingering. His hand on the small of my back has be replaying these moments in my mind for weeks. THE PROBLEM: I was promoted to manage the department we're both in last spring. I figured, he was on track to be promoted to another department soon, so I wouldn't have to live with managing and crushing on one of my top performers for long. He was so happy and supportive. I started to create boundaries in our relationship. No more late night or weekend calls. Business only, no more personal talk. No more pranks. Instead of us two grabbing lunch or dinner, I'd invite one of our colleagues along to keep me all business. Then it happens, he gets promoted to another portion of our sales org. I'm thrilled to give him the news, he's thrilled his hard work payed off and the powers that be identified him to move up and into better things. PLOT TWIST: Our VP of Sales leaves, and I am now department head for his team, too. I'm thrilled for selfish reasons. Being a single mom (and a high-school drop out), I never imagined making 6 figures, and the thought of the life I could provide for the kids that I never had was too good to pass up, despite my personal feelings for Bob. I weighed the good and the bad, said yes to taking the pay raise and responsibilities and my career is now flourishing. UNTIL.... Bob and I are summoned to our company's mothership for an annual soiree. One whole week, in a beautiful city, him and I. We used the excuse of wanting company for dinner, to get back into our old groove. Intense conversation, eye contact that could cut right through me, and walking arm-in-arm through the city. Getting lost, goofing around, seeing the sites, and loving every minute of it. This guy, is everything I dream of in a partner. He's strong, kind, and diplomatic. He's clever, goofy and sweet. He remembers everything we say to each other, and do together. He supports me and challenges me, and has been there for me when I most needed someone over the past years. He is such a gentleman, even when he's livid. He's amazing with my children, and they love him, too, My infatuation (calling it what it is) for this man has made it almost impossible to date, because I compare every man I meet to him. When I take steps to get him out of my head, he pops right back up in my dreams. When I avoid him, in an attempt to break the bond, I AM MISERABLE and can't think straight. My brain is full of what-if's. What if he thinks of me, too? What if he dreams of our future together, too? What would happen if I just kissed him? So after that week together, we both get home on different flights, late at night. When he lands, he texts to make sure I'm safe (which he has done every time we part, without fail, from the day we met, until now). So for me, that's it. Last straw. It's midnight, I am shaking with nervousness, but I text him. I need to speak with him NOW. He calls, and is in an Uber. He tell me Susan (the driver) is telling him a story about something and he doesn't want to be rude (typical Bob). I let him go, he calls me back 20 mins later, whilst bidding Susan goodbye, and thanking her for the ride. And it happens. I break. I pour my heart out into a love sick ramble. I tell him how I've loved him. And that I do. That I've tried so hard to stop, but it makes it worse. That we cannot be anything because I'm HIS MANAGER and that I need him to be mean to me. Indifferent. That we can't risk our careers. I tell him that he's earned everything he's accomplished. That I've been objective (at least I think I have been) these past 2 years. I tell him I need him to stop being so wonderful or find a girlfriend or something to make these feelings stop. He tells me he wishes that I could see his smile right now. He tells me he has to take a seat. He tells me he's never been in love before if that's what he and I have. Because he's never felt so drawn to anyone, ever. That I feel like home to him. And like it's been for me, it's been like this for him, all these years. He tells me when he sees my head bobbing down the hall, his heart swells. When I crush it in meetings, and gush over my kids, he dreams of being the one I come home to. When another man is friendly with me, he rages with jealously. That he's so proud of me, and my journey. That he loves my voice. My brain. How he's never respected someone so much. How my eyes look straight through him and see the real him. And also, how he cannot date because no one else he meets is me, and that he too, has tried to get over the thought of "us". He dreams of me, asleep and awake. When I shut him out, he knows, and is miserable. Two and a half ours of our heart-to-heart, we decide that it's best we keep things the way they are. It's the only way. Dial it back, way back. We're both very driven, and don't want to screw the company or ruin our reputations. So now I'm angry. I was so hoping that my confessing, and being rejected, I'd find closure. He robbed me of that. And now my feelings are worse. I can't even conduct my one-on-one reviews with him. My emotions flood forward, and I want to cry because I can't touch or kiss or open up to this person who feels like my person. Knowing that he is hurting, too. Why am I posting this to reddit? I need help. How do I get over Bob, when I have to see and to speak to him every day? Is it even possible? I've even considered leaving the company. This is my mess, I confessed, I made it weird, I should leave. My goal now is to find a way to make it work. Make my feelings for him go away, and keep the job I've worked my tail off achieve. It's been 2 weeks since the confessions between us. I. Am. Dying. this is so hard. Reddit - help? TL DR - [26F] in love with [30M] colleague, turned friend, turned subordinate - HELP?!
d0nnivain Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 What do you want more -- Bob or this dream job? Try shopping your skills. Polish up the old resume & get a comparable job at a new company. Then you can date Bob all you want.
Recommended Posts