HazeMan Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 Well exactly 7 weeks ago my ex of 2 years dumped me for good. I gave her another chance the next day after she dumped me the first time about a month before that. She acted friendly for the first three days and said i was family and she still loved me even though she was not in love with me. You know, the usual nonsense. Anyway, the details can be found here (https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/668519-what-wrong-her-23m-21f). It's been a month since she broke NC to fight with me about still being on her family Netflix even though she put me on it and she could easily have taken me off without contacting me. She is still pissed and upset because i went NC and refused to remain best friends after breaking up. Since then, i have been going to the gym and working out at home on the days i can't make it. I have also been taking better care of my diet. I got a new job, and just submitted a project for another remote job that could potentially pay a lot better. The guy(her coworker) she was acting weird with at the end of our relationship(she took him shopping and was always talking about him) saw me 2 weeks ago. He just kept staring at me. It was so cringy, he kept doing double takes to the point that he girl hew was with (another coworker) was tapping him and pulling him so he would stop. I ran into her brother at the cinema who may or may not be cheating on his own girlfriend or maybe dumped her. The interaction was strange because i saw him with a different girl and he was trying to distract me. Any of her friends I run into keep apologizing to me and her mum is worried about me. I blocked her everywhere after she texted me to fight. I'm at his weird place now where logically, i know i dodged a bullet when i think about it but emotionally, it feels like a huge loss. I feel emotionally homeless as I am a lone without family in a foreign land. This is why i got really attached to her family. I don't really miss her but rather being in a relationship, her family and the feeling of having a second family that helped me not feel lonely. I don't really feel anxious about not talking to her, i don't feel the urge to do so either. before i blocked her, she was going out a lot and taking pics with people that she used to say were superficial and totally not the kind she would hang out with. She is wearing heaps of makeup and dressing differently now. It used to cut me to core because she was looking all beautiful and happy without me. It still stings a bit but I know that it is all fake. Now my head is getting clearer and the emotion is starting to gradually fade I can think more clearly. I know behind those pics, she is still sad, lonely, confused and lacks any real passion or direction. She said so herself when i told her i was going NC. She wants to eat her cake and have it too. She has tried so in the past with me. She has always said that I am the only one outside her family that has truly loved her and understood her and that she would want me in her life no matter what. Since I don't want to be friends, she feels like i have abandoned her. It gets easier folks. Don't give up. If you weren't abusive or unfaithful and you gave your all, walk away with a clear conscience. She is the one with doubts now and she lashes out every chance she gets. 1
preraph Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 I'm sorry you're having to go through this alone. 1
Author HazeMan Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 I'm sorry you're having to go through this alone. Thank you. The hardest thing is not having my family here. I'm a very family oriented guy so it's been hard. The thing is, she always felt overshadowed by me even when i actively tried not to make her feel so. She always said she loved that i got along with her family but when her parents started wanting to spend time with me all the time, whether she was there or not, she always half jokingly said that she always felt a bit weird about how close i was with her parents. It kinda contributed to her feeling trapped by feeling like she had to end up with me.
Endnote Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 Well done Haze. Blocking is the only way to go. Cuts off communication and keeps things simple. Cutting them out of your life and giving up knowing what they are doing makes it much easier to concentrate on yourself. Keep that up. I'm about 3 months in and I have the ups and down. Mentally I feel very good and am happy to be single again, I can choose what I want to do on my own time. Emotionally it's still tough. I miss my ex and being in a relationship. But that's part of the experience of moving on. I look forward to the day I can look back on this time in my life without any pain. 6 weeks in and not feeling the anxiety to contact your ex, that's pretty good to me. Took me nearly 2 1/2 months to get to that point. Well done. Things get better, it just takes take. 2 years together, that's a long time. Can't do much else than keep on living and wait for the pain to subside.
Author HazeMan Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 Well done Haze. Blocking is the only way to go. Cuts off communication and keeps things simple. Cutting them out of your life and giving up knowing what they are doing makes it much easier to concentrate on yourself. Keep that up. I'm about 3 months in and I have the ups and down. Mentally I feel very good and am happy to be single again, I can choose what I want to do on my own time. Emotionally it's still tough. I miss my ex and being in a relationship. But that's part of the experience of moving on. I look forward to the day I can look back on this time in my life without any pain. 6 weeks in and not feeling the anxiety to contact your ex, that's pretty good to me. Took me nearly 2 1/2 months to get to that point. Well done. Things get better, it just takes take. 2 years together, that's a long time. Can't do much else than keep on living and wait for the pain to subside. Thank you. It has not been easy but ironically, the colder and meaner she acts towards me, the easier i find it to move on. I have financial problems since my country went into an economic recession so i have had to work to eat, pay rent, pay other bills and still help my mum with tuition. She on the other hand lives at home with her parents and doesn't have expenses outside of student loans, sometimes her credit card bill and her phone bill. I get that feeling of missing your ex and missing the relationship but she got pretty cold towards the end for me. She always felt guilty, cried and apologized. I tried to get her to open up but she wouldn't. The fact that she has thrown every good deed she did for me in my face just turns me off even more. Even her own mother hates that. She rubbed my financial situation in my face and even stated it as a reason for dumping me. You can see why 6 weeks in i am not eager to speak with her. Especially not when she is acting like the injured party. Everyone keeps telling me i deserve better and she will regret it, she even said so herself but i don't want to hear that. 2 years is a long time. I always kinda feared that her being 21 might result in her curiosity getting the better of her and it did happen. She felt like she was missing out on life and fun. She did say that she knows she has ruined what she had and that I am the best thing to ever happen to her. Throughout the relationship she expressed worry about being self sabotaging and that she is worried she would ruin us. Guess it came to pass. She said she doesn't know if there is someone better waiting for her out there and she is afraid that if she stays with me, that she would be settling. Yet somehow i am the bastard for not wanting to stay in her life post breakup. I'm more focused on finding a job as a web developer. I can finally realize my potential. She is not my problem anymore.
Author HazeMan Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 Thank you. It has not been easy but ironically, the colder and meaner she acts towards me, the easier i find it to move on. I have financial problems since my country went into an economic recession so i have had to work to eat, pay rent, pay other bills and still help my mum with tuition. She on the other hand lives at home with her parents and doesn't have expenses outside of student loans, sometimes her credit card bill and her phone bill. I get that feeling of missing your ex and missing the relationship but she got pretty cold towards the end for me. She always felt guilty, cried and apologized. I tried to get her to open up but she wouldn't. The fact that she has thrown every good deed she did for me in my face just turns me off even more. Even her own mother hates that. She rubbed my financial situation in my face and even stated it as a reason for dumping me. You can see why 6 weeks in i am not eager to speak with her. Especially not when she is acting like the injured party. Everyone keeps telling me i deserve better and she will regret it, she even said so herself but i don't want to hear that. 2 years is a long time. I always kinda feared that her being 21 might result in her curiosity getting the better of her and it did happen. She felt like she was missing out on life and fun. She did say that she knows she has ruined what she had and that I am the best thing to ever happen to her. Throughout the relationship she expressed worry about being self sabotaging and that she is worried she would ruin us. Guess it came to pass. She said she doesn't know if there is someone better waiting for her out there and she is afraid that if she stays with me, that she would be settling. Yet somehow i am the bastard for not wanting to stay in her life post breakup. I'm more focused on finding a job as a web developer. I can finally realize my potential. She is not my problem anymore. We may have been 2 years apart in age but we saw things differently. She wants to go traveling now, i suggested to wait until later in life when we are more financially buoyant. Our views on money were also different. I preferred frugality and investment, she preferred saving and then spending said savings on travel, cars. I guess i should've known when she called a car an asset and i told her it was a liability. One thing i've learned though is that the harder you take the breakup as a dumpee, the more completely you move on and stop caring as long as you give yourself time to heal. I'm gonna miss her mum though. We had so much fun cooking together
maripsv Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 Your story really reminds me of my own! I’m also super connected to family and my ex’s family was always there for me and I really love them and had lots of fun with them too. Breaking up felt even more horrible because I knew I wouldn’t really see them again. I’m also from a different country than where I live. Right now I’m still struggling with the urges to speak to my ex although I know speaking to him would not bring anything good except self-embarrassment. He also gave me that sh** “I’m not in love with you but I love you and want you in my life”. Problem is we live together... we broke up for good 5 days ago but have only been in NC for 2 days since I came back to my country to be with my family for one month. I’m scared I won’t find an apartment when I go back and will still have to see him daily. I don’t even know why I have these urges since I built a fantasy of what my relationship was in my head which was not true in the least and now that I finally realize how kind of abusive the relationship was and how it ruined my self-esteem, I still find it hard to see him in a bad light and not kind of want to be together. When I think of him, I get a little bit of anxiety about the fact that I’ll never hold him again. Hope that goes away.
Author HazeMan Posted January 4, 2019 Author Posted January 4, 2019 Your story really reminds me of my own! I’m also super connected to family and my ex’s family was always there for me and I really love them and had lots of fun with them too. Breaking up felt even more horrible because I knew I wouldn’t really see them again. I’m also from a different country than where I live. Right now I’m still struggling with the urges to speak to my ex although I know speaking to him would not bring anything good except self-embarrassment. He also gave me that sh** “I’m not in love with you but I love you and want you in my life”. Problem is we live together... we broke up for good 5 days ago but have only been in NC for 2 days since I came back to my country to be with my family for one month. I’m scared I won’t find an apartment when I go back and will still have to see him daily. I don’t even know why I have these urges since I built a fantasy of what my relationship was in my head which was not true in the least and now that I finally realize how kind of abusive the relationship was and how it ruined my self-esteem, I still find it hard to see him in a bad light and not kind of want to be together. When I think of him, I get a little bit of anxiety about the fact that I’ll never hold him again. Hope that goes away. Thank you @maripsy I posted an update. It covers what's been happening these past 6 weeks. You'll feel better don't worry. As long as you are committed to getting over him you will be just fine in the end. I'm my experience they always come back. The thing is by the time they do, you don't care anymore. It's happened to me multiple times. I didn't even get mad. I was just bored and didn't see any point in I treating or being friends with them. My relationship with my ex was also emotionally abusive and draining. I went from fun social guy that everyone liked to hermit that everyone missed. This is one of the many reasons people don't like my ex. Funny thing is, they leave because they feel we are holding them back and there is someone else better out there for them. Ironically, the opposite is usually the case. Just keep pushing forward.
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