She promised me everything, then left for get ex

[Call9]

hello everyone. I hope you’re all ready for a complete **** show of a relationship

**LONG READ **

im 26, she’s 22. This girl started working at my work place this year. I was instantly attracted to her. I didn’t try pursue her initially. I was told pretty early on that she had a bf. We checked each other out from a far, all the while I didn’t really introduce myself to her. We had a mutual friend, she saw me smoking with him one day and approached me and asked how I knew them. She had broken the ice and started talking to me. I introduced myself formally, as did she. We hit it off pretty well. We started going for cigarette breaks together, flirting and joking.

I knew of her boyfriend. A small time drug dealer. She wasn’t from this area and only moved over here when she met him. Some of our conversation topic was about her bf and how much she hates him etc. We continued having fun at work together for about a week after I met her properly; one morning i checked my phone and saw I had a text off this girl reading ‘hey it’s *****, do you know what time I’m working tomorrow ’. She could of easily of found this out either by texting a girl mate at work or ringing reception. I thought this was strange, the person in the relationship was reaching out to the Singleton. I didn’t reply to this

 

The more she told me she hated her ex and was done with him etc, the more I began to text her. She eventually told me she had ended it with her bf, she was just waiting to move back to her hometown. She said this for a week, telling me she had ended it a week prior. She even told me they top and tail in bed! I wasn’t buying it at first. She came in one day not long after and said she is 100% done and it’s official. She said they had broken up in the past and that the last 6 months of her relationship has been dead. I think they’d been together a total of 2 years at this point. It was only when everyone at work was saying she single. Everyone was trying to hook us up. I thought, if she’s told everyone she’s ended it, maybe she’s being honest

This is where it begins to get crazy…

literally the next day, we went for lunch on my work break. I picked her up and we had a meal and then parked up near my work and spoke before I had to get back to work. She was saying ‘it’s sad this is the last time you’ll see me etc, I’m going back home tomorrow.’ I said she could stay at mine (crazy) for a bit. She was egging me on to kiss her… she asked me to prove how much I wanted her… I leaned in for a kiss and she then proceed to turn away! I was a bit shocked, she said she couldn’t kiss me on the first date.” I dropped her off and went back to work, still annoyed about her not accepting the kiss. She then started texting me, saying she had loads of fun and regrets not kissing etc. Teased me and said I’ll get one next time I see her. She was also texting me saying she can’t stay at her ex’s house any longer and was going to end up killing herself.

I took her back to my parents house that night and told my parents my work friend was staying over for a couple nights. The first night, she was straight to the kissing. We got into bed and she was all over me. When I started going downstairs with my fingers, she began to cry. I stopped instantly and asked ‘ what’s wrong, do you miss your ex?’ I said we didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to do. She said it wasn’t the ex (lie), she said she was worried I’d try and use her for sex and then throw her out tomorrow. We didn’t have sex that first night.

 

fast forward a week or so… she’s still in my house and my parents are hinting to me about what the deal is with her. I eventually told her… we like each other, you need to decide what you want to do… we can date and be exclusive, or you’re going to have to find somewhere else to stay.’ I pretty much asked her to be my gf. She said yes.

 

She proceeded to ‘fall in love’ with me. She said to me she loved me about a week into our relationship. She was so lovey Dovey. I genuinely believed her. She started putting pictures up in my room of us both. She made a memory board. Everything was 100mph! I began to catch feelings for her pretty quickly. We did everything together, we had the same days off work, so if we wernt seeing each other at work, we’d be hanging out outside of work. We literally spend everyday and night with each other for 6 months. I think on average, I probably went out to a friends house about 2–3 times a month. She used to just stay in my room.

She never really opened up to me. I really told her about me and my past, she never did.

I started to notice her lovey moods would fluctuate, she’d be telling me she couldn’t live without me one minute, and then threaten to leave me the next. She did this quite early into the relationship, she said a few times she’ll leave. I questioned that and said… surely, you’d wanna work through a problem, in stead of running away. She always eventually stayed

Right so… we lasted 6 months… on average, I’d say I caught her once a month, secretly messaging her ex bf. The first time I found out. I said she needs to block him and leave him alone. She did. I found out a couple weeks later, she’d been messaging him again, this time via whatsapp. She even changed her status on there to ‘broken’ the same night they spoke. I said all the right things… I was done, you’re not over your ex, you’ve gone behind my back twice, clearly he’s important. I ignored her texts, she was saying all the stupid **** to get me to stay with her… she can’t live without me, im her world. she wants to slit her wrists if I don’t talk to her. I left her to text me these stupid fake messages for the rest Of the day. She then must of thought I was being genuine and asked what’s going on… I cracked and said we can speak about it when she’s back from work. I was cold with her, not really speaking. She said to me she can’t be bothered to shout and argue. She proceeded to try hug and kiss me. I rejected her. We went into the bedroom and she tried it on with me. I rejected her. She tried it on a few more times. She then got upset and said she needed to feel close to me right now and we need to get it on. I eventually gave in and we had sex

 

this happened on and off for the rest of our relationship. Everytime I was so ready to kick her ass out, I’d cave. She’d go out and come back with expensive gifts to say sorry. She even bought me a promise ring after the second time to make me trust her. I bought her one too after

She spend £150 on a couple of shirts for me. She did this almost everytime she messsged her ex and I found out. She’d say she couldn’t and doesn’t wanna live without me and buy me ****.

we spend so much time doing fun, outdoor stuff. We travelled around the country in my car. We were always doing stuff, never really spent the day in the house chilling

I’m gonna try get to the final twist now.

so after enduring this **** show of a relationship for 5 months… **** really got messed up. She fell pregnant. She kept saying she felt ill, she had to leave work once or twice. We did a test to make sure. She’d always speak about babies and puppies. Manly babies. She was so broody. She was on the pill and she decided to stop it as it effected her mood. I did know this. When we found out, I didn’t know how to react. She was ecstatic. Really happy about the idea of this baby. I felt guilty about not being happy about this, I could see how much she wanted this. I convinced myself we could make it work. It took me a week to tell my parents. They were generally quite happy… they said whatever we decide to do, they’ll support us. About 2 weeks after we found out we were pregnant, I just decided I can’t bring a child into this world with this woman. I guess deep down i knew this wouldn’t last, I had no idea what her game plan was, and I didn’t like the thought of being tied to her for life. I broke the news to her, gave her my reasons. She was so upset. She was texting me so much abuse after, saying I’d hurt her deeply and that her ex never did this to her. She didn’t speak to me for a bit. Even tried locking me out my own room for the night lol

She eventually accepted my decision and we began speaking about what would happen after this. I sensed she started having doubts about going through with the abortion. I had to ring and enquire about it, I then had to ask her for 3 days to ring the doctors and start the process. She was being really slack about it. We spoke and due to guilt I think, I said if it made her better, I’d get her a dog. Of course she agreed to it. We got a puppy. I gradually noticed she started to become distant. I’d approach her about it and she always said it was the pregnancy/hormones. She was tired of feeling sick all the time. Tired of not being able to get outside and do things. I just belived her and kept reassuring her we’d be fine after all of it. I remember after about a week of this distant behaviour, I asked her what’s going on, are we gonna get through this… she said we’ll be fine after we get this baby thing out the way. She stopped showing any signs of affection. Nothing. She wouldn’t kiss me because I smelt of cigarette. She never cuddled me. She stopped even communicating with me really. She’d just be sat on her phone. A few days before she left, she said she was thinking of going back to her hometown for a couple nights as we wernt getting on. I was fine with that, although I felt we wernt getting on manly because of her choosing not to get along with me. I just thought, I’ve spend every day/night with this woman, some time apart would be really peaceful. She eventually never arranged to go back home, she arranged to stay at her friends for a ‘night.’ The day before she left me, she was being real sneaky on her phone, whilst I was asleep, she’d sneak off into the garden to make secret phone calls to someone. I thought it was really strange as she never did anything like this before. She went outside twice. Whilst she was upstairs, i looked on her phone and saw two missed calls off her ex boyfriends number. I also read a few texts she’d sent a girl mate saying something along the lines off “I’m in a predicament here and need your help.” “I’ve got some shocking news to tell you, you won’t believe it.” And also something like “I don’t know what to do, with a laughing face emoji.” So pretty much, she had decided she was done with me, but didn’t have the bottle to tell me face to face. She was going to go to her friends and then break it to me over text. I confronted her about these findings and she proceeded to give me the textbook break up lines ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’ ‘You’ve been the perfect boyfriend but there’s nothing there anymore’ etc. She then said to me “I guess I still miss my ex”. I was shocked! The amount of **** she used to talk about him. She then said to me ‘I guess I resent you for making me keep a baby i never wanted.’ That was a blow as she so wanted a baby. I was the one who doubted it. I was the one who set the abortion up. She wanted a baby until I didn’t want one. She’s believing her own lies to satisfy her ex.

So she left to go to her friends. She text me the next day saying something like ‘Hey. Hope youre ok. What’s happening about Monday and Wednesday?’ (The abortion dates). I replied saying I’d come with her and then proceeded to grovel for her (stupid!). I asked why she’s gotta do this, why can’t we work past it like we planned. I text a few other things and she was just saying there’s nothing there anymore and her mind was made up. The last thing she said to me that day was I miss my ex and it’s not fair. I didn’t reply again

Plot thickens

 

So that was a Saturday. I didn’t hear from her until Sunday night when she asked when she could come get some of her stuff. I just said whenever. She then told me she didn’t need me to come with her for the first appointment as it’s just to sign some papers etc. She said that I could come with her Wednesday for the hard/important bit. I was fine with that too! So Monday morning I get a phone call from her, she’s screaming down the phone at me “who the **** have you told about this abortion.” I was like no one. My parents know, that’s it. She knew that anyway. She said “well I’m with Adam, and one of his mates has just told him that someone said to him I’m pregnant.” I just protested my innocence and said I haven’t told anyone. I then said what about the people you’ve told. When she was happy with the baby, when we were at work together, she told two of her work friends that she’s pregnant and we’re keeping it. She didn’t answer me when I asked who have you told. I then said to her “whilst we’re speaking of the baby... don’t lie to yourself and say you didn’t want it, you so did. You were picking names, sending me baby memes all the time.” She told me not to change the subject and find out who’s been saying ****. I again said no one has said **** as I haven’t told anyone... then she said to me “you’ve got 10 minutes to find out who’s been saying stuff, otherwise I’ll text our boss and tell her what you do at work.” This went on for a few hours, I just kept saying to her it’s not something I want people to know, it’s not something to brag about is it. She kept saying she was gonna text the boss. Turns out she didn’t do it that day.

I was stupid enough to let her in on my secrets at work, my ways of making extra bits of money or whatever (idiot, I know). I tried to keep it from her, I remember brushing the topic once and then shutting it down. She was like I thought you trusted me and told me everything. I said I’m lookin out for myself and my best interests. I said who knows what’s gonna happen with us, but I can’t give you ammo on me. She was shocked and went into a mood, didn’t speak to me and I eventually gave in and told her a few secrets about work. What’s even more annoying Is everyone at work warned me not to tell her anything that could come back to bite me. She knows what we all get up to at work, so she could take us all down.

So she’s now blackmailing me!!! I know it must be because her boyfriend doesn’t wanna look stupid, imagine what people would say about him if it got out that his gf ran off for 6 months and got pregnant with her rebound... she wanted the baby too which is crazy.

I heard from the crazy bitch two days later saying can I come get my stuff today. I left it for a bit and she sent another 2 ****ty messages saying she needs her ****ing stuff. (When we first got together, I tried making her get her stuff from his house so many times, she refused everytime. She used to say they’re old memories, he can burn the stuff etc. I even sent my friend to his flat to try get her stuff behind her back, the ex didn’t answer. She flipped out when she found out I did. I saw this as a red flag but gave her the benefit of the doubt. Looking back, she wanted him to think that she would eventually come back to him.) I replied saying come get in in 2 hours, it’ll be in a bin-bag in the front garden. She rocked up with her ex and they loaded the bags into his car. My friend was with me. I needed to give her a cheque from work, I didn’t want to just put it in the bag incase she tried saying I owe her £700 in a weeks time or something. I didn’t want to see/speak to her, so my friend said he’d give her the cheque when they turn up. All done,they drove off happily down the road, out of my life. (Note how she was never interested in getting her stuff from his house, but she was so desperate to get it back from our relationship... bitchy tactics?)

Half hour later, she texts me saying were are all my pants (lol). I was like I packed everything in a hurry, I might of forgot a few things that are in the wash. She proceeded to sent me abuse saying, I bet you and Dillon (my friend) are sat in your room sniffing all my pants. I said I’d check the house and get someone to drop everything off outside her bfs house. She then said to me “I know it was Dillon who you’ve told about this pregnancy thing, don’t worry, I won’t forget to text the boss and let her know what you take. I’ll text her the day you go back to work so she can confront you to your face and it’ll be extra special. Kiss this.” (I’ve got a month off work at the moment) I replied saying I can assure you all he knows if you’ve left me for your ex. He doesn’t need to know anything else. No one does. I’m not gonna go around broadcasting that to anyone as it just makes me look stupid. I don’t want people to know just as much as you. We don’t have to speak about this again.”

She didn’t reply to that. Two days later she text me saying “surgery on Friday just so you know.” With a sarcastic thumbs up emoji. I replied saying thanks for letting me know, hope it goes ok.”

I’m trying to be the mature one here. If anyone has a right to be ****ty with the other person, surely it’s me!? She just ran back to her ex. She’s been blackmailing me. I just didn’t see this nasty side to her one bit. She seemed like such a sweetheart. I guess she’s a great actor. She needed somewhere to stay. I mean if she was serious about ending it with him. She would of left this place and gone back to her hometown.

I’m just so confused right now. I guess I kinda saw a break up happening one day down the line. I didn’t see her going back to her ex. I didn’t see her turning into this she devil. I guess it shows what she really thought of me! How can she go from saying she wants to marry me, can’t wait for our future. Even a couple weeks before she left, she was still saying this bs, to wanting to burn me down into the ground. Is it her ex now bf controlling her? She was being civil with me, saying I could go to the appointment... and it was only when she went to his house that she started the blackmail.

Also... so the last thing that was said between the two of us was her “surgery on Friday just so you know .” And my civil response saying ‘thanks for letting me know, hope it goes ok.”

6 days after her last message to me on WhatsApp (she’s now deleted WhatsApp and has blocked me on instagram) I get a text off her. I didn’t even want to open it as I thought, ‘what abuse will she send me now.” After half hour, I opened it and all it said was BRB. I was so confused. I obviously didn’t reply to this. No matter what I replied, she’d of said that it wasn’t meant for me. I know her games. I just don’t get why she had to send it? I doubt it was a genuine mistake as she has probably deleted our chats. Is she testing the waters with me? Was she checking to see if I’d blocked her. Was she hoping I was stupid enough to think that message was meant for me and I’d be like “come back babe.” I just don’t understand her. As of right now, there’s been no contact since that brb message she sent last week. I will continue to keep to this NC but I’m just concerned that she’ll keep testing me. I don’t want to block her just yet as I’ve gotta go back to work in a weeks time and I’m just waiting to see if she tries black mailing me again.

I thank anyone who has had the patience to read this extremely long post. I wanted it to be as detailed as it possibly could be (I know there’s more I’ve forgotten but that’s the main parts) If anyone could give me their honest opinion on this, I’d be so grateful.

[PRW]

Ok. Too long to read every detail.

What is the short version?

 

Stop being the woman's therapist.

Stop listening to them whine about their ex's.

Stop being butt-hurt over things they do.

Stop messing with crazy chicks that are still whining about their Exs.

[Call9]

Ok. Too long to read every detail.

What is the short version?

 

Stop being the woman's therapist.

Stop listening to them whine about their ex's.

Stop being butt-hurt over things they do.

Stop messing with crazy chicks that are still whining about their Exs.

 

She left ex and moved into my place the same night. Up and down intense relationship. All the lovey dovey stuff was said. Talk of marriage etc. I’m the one she’s been lookin for her whole life blah blah. Re arranged my room, pictures of us everywhere. Memory board

I found her secretly messaging her ex, still arguing etc. Everytime this happened, I tried to end it and shed guilt trip me with tears and presents

She fell pregnant. I eventually told her I wasn’t ready for a baby. I bought her a puppy to compromise. She left me a week after I bought the dog

She got back with her ex straight after she left me.

She’s now blackmailing me into staying quiet about the baby/abortion

[GinON]

I read, ex “is a drug dealer.”

I was done, find someone that isn’t connected with that life style.

Then I read the short form...This woman needs therapy, not a boyfriend.

Do yourself a favor and stay away from people that are all over the place, learn your attachment style, look for red flags and stay clear them.

[PRW]

She left ex and moved into my place the same night. Up and down intense relationship. All the lovey dovey stuff was said. Talk of marriage etc. I’m the one she’s been lookin for her whole life blah blah. Re arranged my room, pictures of us everywhere. Memory board

I found her secretly messaging her ex, still arguing etc. Everytime this happened, I tried to end it and shed guilt trip me with tears and presents

She fell pregnant. I eventually told her I wasn’t ready for a baby. I bought her a puppy to compromise. She left me a week after I bought the dog

She got back with her ex straight after she left me.

She’s now blackmailing me into staying quiet about the baby/abortion

 

 

You're stuck with it as it is. You should have known not to get into a situation like that.

[MichaelD]

I also read the ex being a drug dealer and understood, she will come back dont worry, around 30 when she hits the wall and wants a provider, meaning the good guy as the jerk doesnt want to settle down with her. Notice already she is trying to dry you. The baby indicates also that, also 6 months isnt enough, 6-8 months around that the honeymoon period falls on average. Please for your own sake have nothing to do with her anymore and people like this, care with being acting too nice to women also.

[Call9]

I also read the ex being a drug dealer and understood, she will come back dont worry, around 30 when she hits the wall and wants a provider, meaning the good guy as the jerk doesnt want to settle down with her. Notice already she is trying to dry you. The baby indicates also that, also 6 months isnt enough, 6-8 months around that the honeymoon period falls on average. Please for your own sake have nothing to do with her anymore and people like this, care with being acting too nice to women also.

 

What do you mean she is trying to dry me?

I appreciate everyone that has the time to read my whole post!

I’m still just really confused I guess. Like how could she say all the lovey stuff to me, took pictures all the time, spent everyday n night with each other, acting like I was the one... just to run off back to him. Was any of it genuine? Or was she just trying to make him jealous the whole time!?

I mean she lived with me and my family, she could see how much she meant to me. I bought her gifts (she’s probably pawned them by now) spend all my time with her over the summer. I didn’t do anything wrong, apart from be too nice. And our honey moon period lasted about a month before the arguments started (normally over her ex). The baby would of been the worst decision I ever made. Yeah she’d probably still be in my room with me right now, but she wouldn’t of stuck around much longer after the baby was born!

I just don’t get how someone could turn so savage towards someone who was nothing but nice to them? I didn’t do anything wrong and she’s talking to me like a piece of crap, black mailing me. She makes me so angry

[GinON]

Not sure you have access to a therapist but your self esteem must be very low for you to accept that some one in her situation was good for you. I am not trying to pick on you but the fact is that if a person jumps from one relationship to another that fast with love and crazy affection, they are not emotionally healthy.

 

It feels good coming from them, but its a tactic they have learned that fits a fantasy they have about love. You cant really fall in love with someone that fast. She moved in with you instantly!!! That's a HUGE red flag of desperation.

 

She made you feel like her savior which warmed your heart but be realistic man, its not real! She is a user, she needs someone to provide for her and you were just the doormat she needed.

 

Do yourself a favor, and make yourself awesome, never allow anyone to be the holder of your self worth.

 

I dont know if you can spare a $100 or so, but you might try watching 400- 500 of the of the free videos by Craig Kenneth on you tube and doing his workbooks.

They deal with the issues of seeing red flags, learning about how you attach to others and will help you avoid this kind of Jerry Springer show relationship in the future.

 

Develop yourself, make some standards for your relationships, and avoid people that involved with drugs and drug dealers. You have to have self respect if you want any one to treat you with any.

[Call9]

Not sure you have access to a therapist but your self esteem must be very low for you to accept that some one in her situation was good for you. I am not trying to pick on you but the fact is that if a person jumps from one relationship to another that fast with love and crazy affection, they are not emotionally healthy.

 

It feels good coming from them, but its a tactic they have learned that fits a fantasy they have about love. You cant really fall in love with someone that fast. She moved in with you instantly!!! That's a HUGE red flag of desperation.

 

She made you feel like her savior which warmed your heart but be realistic man, its not real! She is a user, she needs someone to provide for her and you were just the doormat she needed.

 

Do yourself a favor, and make yourself awesome, never allow anyone to be the holder of your self worth.

 

I dont know if you can spare a $100 or so, but you might try watching 400- 500 of the of the free videos by Craig Kenneth on you tube and doing his workbooks.

They deal with the issues of seeing red flags, learning about how you attach to others and will help you avoid this kind of Jerry Springer show relationship in the future.

 

Develop yourself, make some standards for your relationships, and avoid people that involved with drugs and drug dealers. You have to have self respect if you want any one to treat you with any.

 

Thanks for being so honest. I wish I listened to my gut. I did try end it with her a few times, but like I said, she’d trick me with her tears and gifts. I guess she wasn’t ready to leave then as the ex didn’t want her then!

 

She is a master of manipulation. A chameleon. She observed me, could see I just wanted a gf to love, so she played to lovey character. She can’t be normal in the head to just pretend that sort of thing with someone. She must’ve seen I was being genuine. I’d done so much for her. EVIL!

 

Do you think the BRB text she sent was her playing a game? To test the waters? She probably thought I’d be stupid enough to think it was for me and be like “are you coming back babe?” Lol. Whatever I replied, she’d of said it wasn’t meant for me!

 

I will be ok eventually! I still miss her a little, even after everything she’s done! I guess I was lonely before her, so I probably miss the company more.

 

I’ll continue to better myself! If she ever texts me again, I won’t reply. It’s been a week now NC, feel a bit stronger everyday. I’ll check them vids out too

 

Thanks