Author bear-dude Posted November 27, 2018 Author Share Posted November 27, 2018 Do not do ANYTHING until you get proof. Seriously. If you don't have hard proof, I promise she will try to flip the script and make you out to be the bad guy. Get the PI on her. Put a VAR in her car or wherever she is most likely to call him. I live in a non-fault state. Does it matter if I get any proof? Link to post Share on other sites
smi11ie Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 You need to do something. Getting proof will keep you busy. It will also be useful. I think you should get the VAR in her car. Try to get some evidence before she goes to see him. You should use the evidence to put a stop to their relationship, without it you are toothless. Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 (edited) Getting proof will keep you busy. It will also be useful. I think you should get the VAR in her car. Try to get some evidence before she goes to see him. You should use the evidence to put a stop to their relationship, without it you are toothless. Evidence is good even if it doesn't help you in a divorce. You don't want to be the bad guy (for the rest of your life) for breaking up the family over nothing. You don't want to be this guy: I confronted her at home and asked her if she was cheating on me, she obviously said no, I gave her 10 chances to come clean and each time it was no. It wasn’t until I gave her the evidence that she partial came clean. She keeps telling me they are just friends and those messages are just jokes. How are these jokes, who jokes about this ****? She reckons they have just kissed a few times but I don’t know. She keeps telling me I’m over reacting to the messages. Am I? Put a VAR under her car seat. Also in any room where she uses her phone. You might get them discussing the flight or what they pan to do when they get there. Edited November 27, 2018 by Buckeye2 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 OP, if you're in a no fault state, all the PI and VAR stuff is not legally inadmissible for anything as far as the divorce goes, but as the other posters pointed out, it will keep you busy and will help you with a piece of mind. Also, don't record anything in the bathroom, bedroom, or between herself and her attorney....or if you do, keep it to yourself as there are criminal repercussions in most states. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bear-dude Posted November 27, 2018 Author Share Posted November 27, 2018 Why is this so hard? I rarely cry. Right now I'm crying like a f****** baby. I never thought that I'll be so vulnerable. Does it get any better? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 Exposure would only be to breakup the affair. Ic you wanted to try and save the marriage. If not just files d get moving. All you’ll do is keep yourself in limbo longer if you take no actions Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 Of course it gets better. We have all been through it. I was so bad I almost got fired. My boss was an ass though. See your doctor for temporary help. Read the 180. It is designed to get you through this. How do you know he is single. If your wife told you that it’s probably a lie. I would have told her to talk to her boyfriend too. When she leaves for her flight tell her it would be great if it was a one way ticket. Inform his boss what’s going on. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 Why is this so hard? I rarely cry. Right now I'm crying like a f****** baby. I never thought that I'll be so vulnerable. Does it get any better? It gets better once you take control I'm not one who believes in gathering evidence. Once you know what does it matter to prove it to the cheaters? It's like living in a house with two people and arguing over who ate the last piece of cake. You both know, so why play games. I served my wife with absolutely no concrete evidence, once those papers hit her hands she sang like a bird. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bear-dude Posted November 27, 2018 Author Share Posted November 27, 2018 It gets better once you take control I'm not one who believes in gathering evidence. Once you know what does it matter to prove it to the cheaters? It's like living in a house with two people and arguing over who ate the last piece of cake. You both know, so why play games. I served my wife with absolutely no concrete evidence, once those papers hit her hands she sang like a bird. Still married? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 I'd file those papers and change the locks on the house. Leave one bag out front for her to pick up. She has had time to plot and plan everything! It's time for you to hurry and catch up! Anything she says should ONLY be answered with: Yes No maybe That's it - any other answers give her too much info/power. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 Still married? We divorced but after several years, the first one where we barely spoke, we reunited and have since remarried. There was 14 months between the time "I knew" and I filed for divorce. The worst 14 months of my life. I can say that having played it both ways, taking control gets $hit done. I begged and pleaded with her. one morning after about 8 months I said enough, I quickly started to detach and head towards divorce. It still took me another 6 months to get comfortable with all that meant. I have only two regrets, 1) how cold I was and that I lied to her just days before she was served, telling her everything was fine as she freaked out from my growing distance and detachment. 2) that I waited 14 months. I have never once heard someone say they regret filing for divorce with a cheating spouse, I think most regrets not doing it sooner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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