Author ZA Dater Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 Very simple. Because I refuse to do things I don't enjoy. The list is long: no confidence, no humour, too serious, doesn't drink, not fun, no sexual experience, awkward, doesn't dance.i have the entire list of what no one wants.[\QUOTE] Got it. You aren't out going, nor fun, nor interesting. But you want women to find you interesting, and want them to desire to spend time with you. What do you want from a woman? What do you find appealing about them? What do you hope to share with them? What do you have to offer? Apparently an evening full of laughter is out of the cards, what else do you have? I go to nice places arrange great events. I enjoy nice lunches Ave dinners, I enjoy the beach. I like cars and driving. I like good language and politics, history, world affairs. I guess I have nothing to offer really. All I expect her to recognise is I am an honest, caring, good person. Do that and I am happy to be rejected everyday.
basil67 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I dont I am just extremely irritated with myself. On what grounds? Having a pretty young slim thing flake online is normal. (Welcome to being normal) And the rest of it is your own choice.
basil67 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 (edited) All I expect her to recognise is I am an honest, caring, good person. Do that and I am happy to be rejected everyday. Most guys out there are honest, caring and good. And they generally have a whole lot more to offer than that. Being able to have fun would be a common trait which is essential on top of these traits. Edited November 26, 2018 by basil67
Author ZA Dater Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 Most guys out there are honest, caring and good. And they generally have a whole lot more to offer than that. Being able to have fun would be a common trait which is desirable on top of these traits. Oh well guess I best enjoy watching the game then. At least every so often I get to play albeit the pity non contact position. What is more irritating is I know how nice it can be to have company though how much of it is because she feels sorry for me I'll never know.
basil67 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Oh well guess I best enjoy watching the game then. At least every so often I get to play albeit the pity non contact position. What is more irritating is I know how nice it can be to have company though how much of it is because she feels sorry for me I'll never know. And if you prefer this to conforming a little, then best of luck to you. But try accepting being an outcast instead of complaining about something you have control over.
Author ZA Dater Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 And if you prefer this to conforming a little, then best of luck to you. But try accepting being an outcast instead of complaining about something you have control over. I wouldn't know how to conform. Unfortunately I can't control who finds me attractive or not.
RecentChange Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 (edited) I go to nice places arrange great events. I enjoy nice lunches Ave dinners, I enjoy the beach. I like cars and driving. I like good language and politics, history, world affairs. These are extremely superficial things. I have a career, ride horses, I grew up on the coast and its a special place to me. Oh and I like to eat food too, welcome to the club. But honestly, men do not care about those things. Women probably do not either. Now, I know, I know, the game is totally different for men then women - but I have been a very successful wing man, and grew up a tom boy / surrounded by men. Here is what I have observed. Be good at listening and asking about people in a way that gets them excited about sharing with you. Be genuinely interested and make it clear not only through verbal ques, but body language. If you can make someone excited to talk to you, if they are going about their day and thinking "I can't wait to tell ZA about this!" you are doing something right. If you can make someone feel good about themselves. If you can make someone feel more comfortable in their skin, happier to have spent time with you, make them see themselves in a positive light that they may not have before - again - that will most likely work in your benefit. These aren't the type of things that a check list provides. These are not the things that only drinkers, or partiers, etc have a corner market on. But it is a big part of charisma. And charisma does require social skills. People enjoy warm inviting interaction. Good social skills include a certain amount of confidence and a hefty dose of empathy. I guess I have nothing to offer really. Why would a drive along the coast to a nice dinner spot, be better with you, than going alone? I All I expect her to recognise is I am an honest, caring, good person. Do that and I am happy to be rejected everyday. Are you caring? In what ways? Are you honest? About what? Everything? Full honestly takes a lot of confidence and vulnerability. What makes you a good person? Again, just trying to do a little exercise - Take a look at how you choose to describe yourself, and what reasons you have for that. What does that tell someone else? What insights can they gather? For example for myself, I wouldn't choose "caring" - I see caring as someone who is more likely to become emotionally involved in matters. While I am a bit more standoffish. But I would say I am emphatic - I try to see the world from other's eyes and understand their point of view, even though I may not emotionally "care". Edited November 26, 2018 by RecentChange 1
sad0 Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 Be good at listening and asking about people in a way that gets them excited about sharing with you. Be genuinely interested and make it clear not only through verbal ques, but body language. If you can make someone excited to talk to you, if they are going about their day and thinking "I can't wait to tell ZA about this!" you are doing something right. If you can make someone feel good about themselves. If you can make someone feel more comfortable in their skin, happier to have spent time with you, make them see themselves in a positive light that they may not have before - again - that will most likely work in your benefit. . That may help, but it doesn't always work. Sometimes the person who "likes" you will just like you in the sense that you're a nice person to talk to, a platonic friend, but nothing more than that.
basil67 Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 I wouldn't know how to conform. Unfortunately I can't control who finds me attractive or not. You said earlier that you made a conscious choice to not conform. Was it truly a choice or was it about simply owning what you don't know how to do?
brigit87 Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 Got it. You aren't out going, nor fun, nor interesting. But you want women to find you interesting, and want them to desire to spend time with you. What do you want from a woman? What do you find appealing about them? What do you hope to share with them? What do you have to offer? Apparently an evening full of laughter is out of the cards, what else do you have? LOL! This is true. I think OP can find good qualities about himself when it comes to work. And so far he portrays himself as a tall, blonde and thin man in his thirties with apparently a decent job. But somehow his face isn't so handsome and he is very serious which is why it's hard for him to find true love. There are lots of people like that who meet and marry. I have a feeling OP is only picking very attractive women only and passes on average women because he rather have a "head turner." The only option at this point is to make lots of money and get a trophy wife. Really.
d0nnivain Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 Very simple. Because I refuse to do things I don't enjoy. Would I go to a club with a gf, yes, would I go there to find one:no. I am happy to compromise once I have met someone because I then have reason to. The list is long: no confidence, no humour, too serious, doesn't drink, not fun, no sexual experience, awkward, doesn't dance.i have the entire list of what no one wants. And yet I only really resent that when good opportunities arise and nothing happens. What motivation do I have to change, none because no matter what someone will find something wrong and anyway there isn't anyone I like enough who is single to motivate me to change Three years ago there was someone and i really tried but yet still wasn't good enough so what's the point. I think I am better but still only good enough for people I don't want. People do prefer confident SOs who are fun. At the very least you need to figure out what your idea of fun is, then engage in those activities so people can see you in a positive light. If you insist on sitting in the corner sulking you are correct you will never find somebody. I go to nice places arrange great events. I enjoy nice lunches Ave dinners, I enjoy the beach. I like cars and driving. I like good language and politics, history, world affairs. I guess I have nothing to offer really. All I expect her to recognise is I am an honest, caring, good person. Do that and I am happy to be rejected everyday. So . . . . go to the beach. Go to a car show. Attend a political event / volunteer for a campaign & meet other volunteers. Run for office. You don't have to be mayor; you can be dog catcher or something. Attend history lectures or discussions. There are things you can do that don't involve drinking or dancing where you can meet people.
Author ZA Dater Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 People do prefer confident SOs who are fun. At the very least you need to figure out what your idea of fun is, then engage in those activities so people can see you in a positive light. If you insist on sitting in the corner sulking you are correct you will never find somebody. So . . . . go to the beach. Go to a car show. Attend a political event / volunteer for a campaign & meet other volunteers. Run for office. You don't have to be mayor; you can be dog catcher or something. Attend history lectures or discussions. There are things you can do that don't involve drinking or dancing where you can meet people. I sat and read all the replies here again. Clearly my idea isn't everyone else's idea. Things that make me feel better, work actually does because its my head in the sand moment, keep myself busy and I don't feel alone. Virtually all my time is dedicated to work or running my social club, I suppose I did that again to give myself some purpose in the hope that same purpose would work in the dating world. My idea of fun is driving supercars, writing about them, going on great drives, nice hotels, learning about business that's fine for me and it's great to share that , which is why K comes with me. Everything I do all moulds together, work a deal club are linked. I go to the beach, I go cycling, I go to car shows, I spend lot of time around cars and that culture if you can call it that. It's not conducive to finding single people. The only way is for me to change how I look at this concept of having a partner and what I want from it. A big part of me thinks I am unsuited to 99.9% of people and most people aren't what I like. So do I just keep what I have now which is nice and maybe just accept that's the best compromise for me. Or do I try find more experience to compliment that. If I do that how do I sell away being awkward? Big part of me likes chasing the impossible because to me everything is impossible until you accomplish it. However because the forum has given me such a kick in the head I'll go and try talk to some random pretty girl who is not next to a guy. 1
Garcon1986 Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 Each of the activities except for the cars thing should have available women. There may however be gold-digger single women at the car events which may be a start of at least a dating experience for you. A start would be to get socially desirable by as many people as you can, and then start asking around for referrals to dates. What you could also do, is to show us some of your past dating situations which ended awkwardly. Then - we could tell you better ways to go about it.
Author ZA Dater Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 Each of the activities except for the cars thing should have available women. There may however be gold-digger single women at the car events which may be a start of at least a dating experience for you. A start would be to get socially desirable by as many people as you can, and then start asking around for referrals to dates. What you could also do, is to show us some of your past dating situations which ended awkwardly. Then - we could tell you better ways to go about it. Here is the thing I either connect seemlessly or I don't. It's very rare it just works conversationally but ultimately that's what I am looking for. That seemless connection and the glue that goes with it.
Garcon1986 Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 Then share with us some of your interactions with women that fell flat on the face. We can help you get less awkward, but you have to let us. Social interaction with women in a dating scenario can be tweaked and improved just like any other talent you have.
Author ZA Dater Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 Then share with us some of your interactions with women that fell flat on the face. We can help you get less awkward, but you have to let us. Social interaction with women in a dating scenario can be tweaked and improved just like any other talent you have. Ok I don't know what they want from me. Almost all I have no real attraction to, that's the problem it's a non starter from the beginning. I have got used to that great feeling when I really find some attractive from a personality point of view. I am going out trying to replicate this
Garcon1986 Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 And a superb interaction takes practice.
NuevoYorko Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 Because I want experience. Yeah. You want. Unfortunately for you, what she wants is part of this equation. She did not choose you for her tryst. If she's pretty and just wanted a one night stand, she had hundreds of choices I would imagine. Maybe she preferred someone who came on like he was good at sex and promised her a memorable evening. That might have been more what she was looking for than providing a stranger with experience. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 Yeah. You want. Unfortunately for you, what she wants is part of this equation. She did not choose you for her tryst. If she's pretty and just wanted a one night stand, she had hundreds of choices I would imagine. Maybe she preferred someone who came on like he was good at sex and promised her a memorable evening. That might have been more what she was looking for than providing a stranger with experience. I'll have those same issues with everyone, nothing too unique.
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