Author ZA Dater Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 Refusing to be fake and refusing to learn social charm are still two different things. I have spent years trying to be charming but I always get passed over or get horrid matches to begin with. You know what I go out and enjoy my own company. I haven't been to a club all year and I don't feel like I missed anything at all. Sure I'll look around at the mall but all I see are couple's.
MaleIntuition Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Whats the point? She probably has a bf anyway. If she doesn't she won't want me because I don't meet the criteria. Try fighting this for years and eventually you just ask. What's the point? Depends on your goal. If you prefer to stay single for the rest of your life. Keep doing what you have been doing. If you want to to be more successful: I’m not asking you to fake but to consider what aspects to change.
Garcon1986 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Do you talk to your acquaintances in a similar way you talk to members of Loveshack? 1
Author ZA Dater Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 Depends on your goal. If you prefer to stay single for the rest of your life. Keep doing what you have been doing. If you want to to be more successful: I’m not asking you to fake but to consider what aspects to change. Change what exactly? It's keeps coming back to this and my point is I couldn't even get a simple hook up to work. That's the issue, no experience and decent opportunity either. For once instead of giving the benefit of the doubt I'd like to receive it. You have no idea how irritating it is never getting any decent success. Case in point just matched with another whale while the cute slim chick I don't match with. Elite singles yet another single mom. Is this really the best I can do? If so I may as well give up now My perception is other's get a choice and no matter what I do I get lumped with everything I don't want. My backpacker tourist idea was shot down. It probably would not work because guess what they like to party which is at odds with my serious personality.
Author ZA Dater Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 Refusing to be fake and refusing to learn social charm are still two different things. Charm by its very nature is fake. I have seen friends charm girls but talking the biggest pile of rubbish. Yet they take them home. I arrive with reality and get ignored.
Garcon1986 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 That's false, I deal with many different personalities daily and have the evidence to prove it. You've hit one of the important nails on the head - women can't stand super serious men especially when the first date is serious. Every female profile I've ever read has had some variation on - I want my man to be funny and not take himself too seriously. If you insist that seriousness and reality are the name of the game you might as well give up now. If you are still going to keep on debating us, let's go my bru, I've got plenty more energy. You do see that you are the only person in this discussion thread with the viewpoint you have, right?
basil67 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 What attitude would that be? Work for what and what work, people keep posting this yet I have never actually seen people do any work. They go out sprout a whole load of B's and charm the heck out of people they like. Oh and they have fun. I guess one must just conform or simply accept the status quo You are exactly right. Conforming is how humans trust each other. The one who stands out as odd is not trusted by others. Being unable to conform is one of the things which leaves people on the autism spectrum unable to relate and connect. Start researching and you'll find it's a thing https://www.medicaldaily.com/conformity-unique-humans-integral-most-social-interactions-and-it-begins-early-2-years-old-308886 Anyway, conformity is what it is. You can either accept it and run with it. Or reject it and stay single. But complaining about it achieves nothing other than making you further alienated. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 That's false, I deal with many different personalities daily and have the evidence to prove it. You've hit one of the important nails on the head - women can't stand super serious men especially when the first date is serious. Every female profile I've ever read has had some variation on - I want my man to be funny and not take himself too seriously. If you insist that seriousness and reality are the name of the game you might as well give up now. If you are still going to keep on debating us, let's go my bru, I've got plenty more energy. You do see that you are the only person in this discussion thread with the viewpoint you have, right? I have spent a life having different viewpoints to everyone else. I am serious so that kills me too. See how much tolerance is there toward who I am? Nothing really ladies just dictate but when I dictate I don't want a whale suddenly I have no right to choose? I am not a funny guy I do dry humour but that passes most of them by. You and I deal with different personalities but when I see friends bs talking to charm a girl I just walk away it's contrived nonsense. If I am going to be liked the like me for what I am not what I am pretending to be. If nobody likes that yeh I lost sleep about it now I don't because I'd rather be who I am all of the time than someone I am not to try tailor myself to the whims of someone who will reject me anyway. I have tried the false charm you speak of.
Author ZA Dater Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 You are exactly right. Conforming is how humans trust each other. The one who stands out as odd is not trusted by others. Being unable to conform is one of the things which leaves people on the autism spectrum unable to relate and connect. Start researching and you'll find it's a thing https://www.medicaldaily.com/conformity-unique-humans-integral-most-social-interactions-and-it-begins-early-2-years-old-308886 Anyway, conformity is what it is. You can either accept it and run with it. Or reject it and stay single. But complaining about it achieves nothing other than making you further alienated. I consciously decided not to conform. I looked around me saw a world that revolved around the use of others, manipulation, dishonesty and decided I wanted none of those things in my life. Those close to me admire my generosity, honesty and dedication to others so yes I'd say I have been successful in what I wanted to accomplish though I did hope this would count when it came to dating. It doesn't. People went to parties I stayed home to read, the flip side is I knew more, articulated better than most of them and I still do when given the chance. At least I know I am a good person, even if others don't think I am an attractive person. Just wish someone nice would be interested in me
Wallysbears Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I have spent a life having different viewpoints to everyone else. I am serious so that kills me too. See how much tolerance is there toward who I am? Nothing really ladies just dictate but when I dictate I don't want a whale suddenly I have no right to choose? I am not a funny guy I do dry humour but that passes most of them by. You and I deal with different personalities but when I see friends bs talking to charm a girl I just walk away it's contrived nonsense. If I am going to be liked the like me for what I am not what I am pretending to be. If nobody likes that yeh I lost sleep about it now I don't because I'd rather be who I am all of the time than someone I am not to try tailor myself to the whims of someone who will reject me anyway. I have tried the false charm you speak of. You are NEVER going to find anyone that likes you 100%. Or all the time. Or understands you 100%. Or that is "perfect". That's the nonsense tv shows and cheap pop songs are made of. Real life and relationships are made when two flawed people are able to see past each others flaws and build a life. Do you have a lot of friends? Platonic relationships? Guy friends?
MaleIntuition Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Change what exactly? It's keeps coming back to this and my point is I couldn't even get a simple hook up to work. That's the issue, no experience and decent opportunity either. For once instead of giving the benefit of the doubt I'd like to receive it. You have no idea how irritating it is never getting any decent success. Case in point just matched with another whale while the cute slim chick I don't match with. Elite singles yet another single mom. Is this really the best I can do? If so I may as well give up now My perception is other's get a choice and no matter what I do I get lumped with everything I don't want. My backpacker tourist idea was shot down. It probably would not work because guess what they like to party which is at odds with my serious personality. Attitude to start with. Then your narrative where you are a victim and finally the weaknesses in your personality. Why give you the benefit of the doubt? You reek of resentment. It’s clear. No; it’s not attractive to sit in the corner while being serious. Sure, you might be lucky and find some hot lady who for unknown reason prefers corners to dance floor. But you would increase your chances tremendously if you simply learnt how to dance instead. (And I don’t mean that figuratively, take a dancing class! It is fun and you will indirectly practice interacting with ladies) 2
brigit87 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 At least I know I am a good person, even if others don't think I am an attractive person. Just wish someone nice would be interested in me Awww. If you lift your age range and go more places your chances will increase. There are lots of women in their 30's who don't have kids. Relationships are difficult and sometimes horrible. I don't know if you would put up with that anyway.
RecentChange Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Nobody shows interest in me Why? What is it about YOU that is so uninteresting? I don't want to hear its because everyone else is a drunk, or loud, or manipulators or liars, or or or... all of the negative things you say about people who date successfully. Why are you uninteresting, and is there anything you would want to do about that? A list even might be helpful for a troubleshooting exercise. No one shows interest in me because: 1
elaine567 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 You've hit one of the important nails on the head - women can't stand super serious men especially when the first date is serious. Every female profile I've ever read has had some variation on - I want my man to be funny and not take himself too seriously. If you insist that seriousness and reality are the name of the game you might as well give up now. I agree. Life is hard enough without spending your time with someone who cannot laugh and be funny. That is all part of the "chemistry" too. You find mutual things to laugh at. If one is dead pan or humourless or doesn't "get" the joke then it all falls flat. No-one wants to spend a lot of time with someone who is completely serious, most or all of the time. Banter may seem like "rubbish" and "fakery" but it is what bonds people together. There is a sense of humour in common, sparks fly, a good time is had by both. The attraction is underlined and they want to repeat the experience. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 Awww. If you lift your age range and go more places your chances will increase. There are lots of women in their 30's who don't have kids. Relationships are difficult and sometimes horrible. I don't know if you would put up with that anyway. The reason most are single is very obvious and no most have kids. I can have good relationships with friends is it so wrong to want something like that to build on?
basil67 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 (edited) I consciously decided not to conform. I looked around me saw a world that revolved around the use of others, manipulation, dishonesty and decided I wanted none of those things in my life. Those close to me admire my generosity, honesty and dedication to others so yes I'd say I have been successful in what I wanted to accomplish though I did hope this would count when it came to dating. It doesn't. People went to parties I stayed home to read, the flip side is I knew more, articulated better than most of them and I still do when given the chance. At least I know I am a good person, even if others don't think I am an attractive person. Just wish someone nice would be interested in me So you decided to not conform. Why then, when you know that this is how humans connect, are you complaining about the outcome of your choice? Edited to add: I'm not particularly conformist either. I could get a boyfriend, but not female friends. It was lonely. I decided that conforming to a degree sufficient enough to have friends made for a better quality of life. It's all choice. Conform a bit or be largely on your own. Edited November 26, 2018 by basil67 2
Author ZA Dater Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 Why? What is it about YOU that is so uninteresting? I don't want to hear its because everyone else is a drunk, or loud, or manipulators or liars, or or or... all of the negative things you say about people who date successfully. Why are you uninteresting, and is there anything you would want to do about that? A list even might be helpful for a troubleshooting exercise. No one shows interest in me because: Very simple. Because I refuse to do things I don't enjoy. Would I go to a club with a gf, yes, would I go there to find one:no. I am happy to compromise once I have met someone because I then have reason to. The list is long: no confidence, no humour, too serious, doesn't drink, not fun, no sexual experience, awkward, doesn't dance.i have the entire list of what no one wants. And yet I only really resent that when good opportunities arise and nothing happens. What motivation do I have to change, none because no matter what someone will find something wrong and anyway there isn't anyone I like enough who is single to motivate me to change Three years ago there was someone and i really tried but yet still wasn't good enough so what's the point. I think I am better but still only good enough for people I don't want.
Garcon1986 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 The reason most are single is very obvious and no most have kids. I can have good relationships with friends is it so wrong to want something like that to build on? When women have made up their mind that you are their friend, it is very difficult to elevate that to sexual being/ girlfriend unless you have some excellent charm and escalation skills. That's an example of friendzoning. You should try to start on GF/BF terms first if you are just starting out in dating. Women need to feel excited to be around you. At current, they get that elsewhere. Key point here - women need to feel good about being around you to agree to that date and subsequent dates. Seriousness and reality are only going to snag a tiny fraction of single women. It's no big deal you don't want to entertain single mothers. Then try to see what all the women on the forum are trying to communicate to you. You could have taken that German lady away from her boyfriend only if you had top of the line charm and social skills. You've got to go for smaller successes first.
Author ZA Dater Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 So you decided to not conform. Why then, when you know that this is how humans connect, are you complaining about the outcome of your choice? Edited to add: I'm not particularly conformist either. I could get a boyfriend, but not female friends. It was lonely. I decided that conforming to a degree sufficient enough to have friends made for a better quality of life. It's all choice. Conform a bit or be largely on your own. If people respected my choices this would be a non issue. I respect people who go out and enjoy themselves but they down at me because I dont partake.
basil67 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 And yet I only really resent that when good opportunities arise and nothing happens. What motivation do I have to change, none because no matter what someone will find something wrong and anyway there isn't anyone I like enough who is single to motivate me to change You write as if you're the only guy who's ever had an online match flake on him. This happens frequently to all men dating online. I don't know why you think you deserve a different outcome when online dating to other men. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 When women have made up their mind that you are their friend, it is very difficult to elevate that to sexual being/ girlfriend unless you have some excellent charm and escalation skills. That's an example of friendzoning. You should try to start on GF/BF terms first if you are just starting out in dating. Women need to feel excited to be around you. At current, they get that elsewhere. Key point here - women need to feel good about being around you to agree to that date and subsequent dates. Seriousness and reality are only going to snag a tiny fraction of single women. It's no big deal you don't want to entertain single mothers. Then try to see what all the women on the forum are trying to communicate to you. You could have taken that German lady away from her boyfriend only if you had top of the line charm and social skills. You've got to go for smaller successes first. No I could have had a hookup which is all I wanted anyway. I try make people around me feel good about themselves I really do, I just don't have that ability to do more than friends, I need to start there to get some sort of connection. I thought I could turn that but I can't. So now I just extract the maximum from that friendship and just use those interaction as nice in my mind dates. I cannot even explain how horrid it feels to never be wanted by those you want.
basil67 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 If people respected my choices this would be a non issue. I respect people who go out and enjoy themselves but they down at me because I dont partake. The way you write about what other people do, I perceive a large lack of respect to them from you. The way you write about overweight women and mothers is hideous. You already know that the non-conformist's choices aren't generally respected and that the non-conformist isn't trusted by society in general. Why are you persisting in complaining about it? 3
Author ZA Dater Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 You write as if you're the only guy who's ever had an online match flake on him. This happens frequently to all men dating online. I don't know why you think you deserve a different outcome when online dating to other men. I dont I am just extremely irritated with myself.
Garcon1986 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 ZA Dater let's be honest here you haven't tried every single hobby available in South Africa. There might be single ladies at those events. It's ok to define what you do and don't like, but there's always the possibility you find something you didn't know you liked.
RecentChange Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Very simple. Because I refuse to do things I don't enjoy. The list is long: no confidence, no humour, too serious, doesn't drink, not fun, no sexual experience, awkward, doesn't dance.i have the entire list of what no one wants. Got it. You aren't out going, nor fun, nor interesting. But you want women to find you interesting, and want them to desire to spend time with you. What do you want from a woman? What do you find appealing about them? What do you hope to share with them? What do you have to offer? Apparently an evening full of laughter is out of the cards, what else do you have? 1
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