I couldnt even get this right

[Garcon1986]

Then explain us why you've rejected every other venue every other member has suggested, and also rejected travelling a little bit out side of Capetown to another big city in South Africa? You can go to a new venue and still not drink, that's ok you know. Or even doing something as simple as trying out an escort service to at least see how intimacy looks like close up?

[5x5]

And do what? Sit in the corner with a bottle of water in my hand? Or sit there wondering what the point is?

 

Well you could talk to people.

 

"Hi I am ZA Dater, dot, dot, dot!"

[d0nnivain]

ZA Dater

 

Every so often when you post one of these woe is me threads you emphasize the fact that you want "experience" and to hook up. I suspect any women you encounter sense that & want no part of it. There is a art for men & you have to keep the illusion of the possibilities open without actually lying to woman.

 

As much as a I hate the PUA gurus, I suggest you read some of their stuff. Don't take any of it as gospel. Just read it for the underlying universal message: you need confidence.

 

You say you don't drink but you do run a social club. Not sure how you can claim to have no met any single people this year.

 

Since you have space in the social club, why not buy a speed dating franchise? They aren't that expensive. Then you can host events at your social club so you can make money, promote your club & give yourself access to all sorts of people.

 

How do you spend your non-work time? Do you attend industry event? I met my husband & several others to date at Chamber of Commerce type events, business card exchanges & industry wide events. Do you attend Meet-ups? Do you volunteer anywhere? Are you a member of civic organizations -- save the koalas or such? Do you have any hobbies that can lead to meeting people. When I was single I was exploring some group that paired you up with another single to play golf. I also went to events where I could bring my dog. There are tons of niche singles events if you look around.

 

Because it is a numbers game to some extent, you have to put in the effort to maximize your chances to meet more people.

 

Don't worry about this cheating chick you think you met on Tinder. Given how "perfect" for a hookup she sounds -- pretty German flight attendant in town for the night -- the stuff porn fantasies are made of -- she was probably a catfish & you were talking to an ugly guy somewhere who was playing around for his own kicks.

[LauraXX]

I have the impression that A LOT of people on Tinder actually swipe right on everybody just to collect a huge amount of matches. It probably flatters their ego. Doesn't mean that they're ever going to actually start a conversation with you, let alone meet you in person.

 

 

 

Tinder works best when you're willing to make compromises. And then it's actually a pretty great tool. You don't have to give up everything you're looking for in a potential gf, but if you don't manage to get a date at all, you should maybe lower your expectations.

 

 

 

Try to find a pretty girl who is your age or older if looks are that important to you. Or overcome your misconceptions about single moms. Or - if you're really attracted by very young girls - put your focus on a witty, pleasant bio and not so much on how slim and sexy she looks on her picture (pictures do lie btw.).

 

 

 

And something else: You said that you only get terrible matches. Well, in order to match with these "terrible women", you did swipe them right in the first place, didn't you? Even though you have no interest in actually meeting them. So why are you surprised that women do the same thing?

 

Or maybe you DID like something about their profile when you swiped right but think less of them when they actually match you back?

[ZA Dater]

Then explain us why you've rejected every other venue every other member has suggested, and also rejected travelling a little bit out side of Capetown to another big city in South Africa? You can go to a new venue and still not drink, that's ok you know. Or even doing something as simple as trying out an escort service to at least see how intimacy looks like close up?

 

I looked at escort services I simply cannot see the value to be honest. I have rejected it's because nobody answers the fundamental question. It's all about bending me out of shape to try and conform but what nobody gets is that does not work. It simply doesn't, the level of awkward goes off the charts and it's just a completely demotivating experience. Here I had potentially a nice experience but wasn't good enough for that either.

 

Nobody shows interest in me instead I must show interest and then get rejected. So no, anything more thank a hook up doesn't interest me anymore

[ZA Dater]

I have the impression that A LOT of people on Tinder actually swipe right on everybody just to collect a huge amount of matches. It probably flatters their ego. Doesn't mean that they're ever going to actually start a conversation with you, let alone meet you in person.

 

 

 

Tinder works best when you're willing to make compromises. And then it's actually a pretty great tool. You don't have to give up everything you're looking for in a potential gf, but if you don't manage to get a date at all, you should maybe lower your expectations.

 

 

 

Try to find a pretty girl who is your age or older if looks are that important to you. Or overcome your misconceptions about single moms. Or - if you're really attracted by very young girls - put your focus on a witty, pleasant bio and not so much on how slim and sexy she looks on her picture (pictures do lie btw.).

 

 

 

And something else: You said that you only get terrible matches. Well, in order to match with these "terrible women", you did swipe them right in the first place, didn't you? Even though you have no interest in actually meeting them. So why are you surprised that women do the same thing?

 

Or maybe you DID like something about their profile when you swiped right but think less of them when they actually match you back?

 

Like a terrible plate of food I force myself to try and like them because none of the ones I like like me. Mostly I just use the boost feature which means they match to me.

[BaileyB]

Get matched with a very pretty 22yo flight attendant from Germany, only her till Wednesday, she has a bf.

 

Full stop. She is 22 years old, not from SA, and she has a boyfriend.

 

What would make you ever think that his would work? You are never going to be successful with dating if you continue to chase unavailable women.

 

Dude. Sorry to be very blunt, but if you continue to chase model type 22 year olds, you have no right to complain when it doesn’t go anywhere and you are still single...

[ZA Dater]

{snip} How do you spend your non-work time? Do you attend industry event? I met my husband & several others to date at Chamber of Commerce type events, business card exchanges & industry wide events. Do you attend Meet-ups? Do you volunteer anywhere? Are you a member of civic organizations -- save the koalas or such? Do you have any hobbies that can lead to meeting people. When I was single I was exploring some group that paired you up with another single to play golf. I also went to events where I could bring my dog. There are tons of niche singles events if you look around.

 

Because it is a numbers game to some extent, you have to put in the effort to maximize your chances to meet more people.

 

Don't worry about this cheating chick you think you met on Tinder. Given how "perfect" for a hookup she sounds -- pretty German flight attendant in town for the night -- the stuff porn fantasies are made of -- she was probably a catfish & you were talking to an ugly guy somewhere who was playing around for his own kicks.

 

 

 

What I fail to understand is why its required to play all these games and jump through all these hoops, if women were actually trying to impress me I'd say fine but almost none ever have or even tried to. So its about me putting myself out there just within range to kicked in the teeth, sorry but that makes no sense to me, there is no upside. Either you play to win or you don't play at all in my view anyway.

 

 

Miss blond blue eyes tall isn't going to be interested in me but miss student here for 3 nights with a bf and is looking for fun, that's slightly more gettable. I am finished trying to actually be "oh give them a chance" nonsense because the same is never offered to me. All the whole thing is about is using or being used, you are either one of the other there doesn't seem to be a middle ground.

 

 

None of the club members are single, all barring perhaps three are older than me so yes there are no single people at all. The activities of the club should in theory make me reasonably marketable as the club is not without some prestige but its NEVER enough to get away from the fact I don't do what they want me to do and that's party and socialise, NOTHING I can seemingly do can mitigate those two absolute deal killers. So what did I do, I went out and got fitter, that hasn't helped either I still only attract the largest of people imaginable.

 

 

My hobbies don't help meeting people at all, I went and tried hobbies to try and meet people and one again it was the same issue "oh you don't drink" the last time this happened I actually just told the person politely what I thought of their inability to accept anyone who doesn't conform to their apparent norm. At least them I could mitigate the kick it the face by metaphorically landing one of my own.

 

 

I have to rely on trying to scrape the bottom of the barrel, pretend I like people I really don't meanwhile some douche goes out has a drink, makes some noise, pretends to be cool and becomes the flavour of the evening, I have been out enough to see this happen over and over again. Can I tell you how friendly ladies are to the lone guy sitting in the corner. The answer is very unfriendly.

Edited November 27, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ZA Dater]

Full stop. She is 22 years old, not from SA, and she has a boyfriend.

 

What would make you ever think that his would work? You are never going to be successful with dating if you continue to chase unavailable women.

 

Dude. Sorry to be very blunt, but if you continue to chase model type 22 year olds, you have no right to complain when it doesn’t go anywhere and you are still single...

 

 

 

Suddenly because she is slim she is a model? 1 and 1 isn't 5.

 

 

All I wanted here was some experience and this seemed like a good way to get it as she apparently UNLIKE anyone else found me attractive enough to go down that road conversationally.

 

 

I have no option but to chase unavailable when the ones who are available are so wholly and completely unappealing or simply not interested in me.

[d0nnivain]

Ladies are unfriendly to the lone guy sitting in the corner because the act of sitting in a corner screams "stay away from me!" You have to get out of the corner, smile & say hello to people.

 

If you don't want to state your hobbies publicly, would you be wiling to PM me so I can help you brain storm on how you can possibly turn them into meeting people events? One of my friends is into genealogy; a pretty solitary endeavor yet she goes to conventions to learn more about research techniques. Even stamp collectors have meetings to discuss their acquisitions & trade stamps. A friend knits & crochets so she joined knitting circles & charity events to make hats for premature infants as a way of socializing. Even the most solitary hobbies do have collaborative events.

 

If you want women to show interest in you, then you have to put yourself out there & make the effort. It takes work. You complain that men have to do all this effort. I am a fairly attractive woman & I had to work at it in my mid-30s to meet worthwhile people my own age.

[Garcon1986]

If you were just willing to not be so rigid and learn a few more dating expectations, there is more help to be had. The harsh truth is women have the upper hand up front and it will never change. Can you please consider trying some of our suggestions, if even by private message. You have denied every possible dating suggestion.

[Garcon1986]

Cute guys will get snapped up first, its a harsh fact of life. You can’t be hotter by much but you can get more socially fluid. Why be so angry about doing this? Women will always judge your first impressions, nobody can help that.

[losangelena]

Ladies are unfriendly to the lone guy sitting in the corner because the act of sitting in a corner screams "stay away from me!" You have to get out of the corner.

 

I agree wholeheartedly. I think I used to be a bit of a corner lurker in my younger days. I was not gregarious at all, and probably walked around with a scowl on my face all the time. I was always so frustrated that men didn’t talk to me, but I gave them nothing to work with. No eye contact, no smile, etc.

 

I too went down the self-improvement route, lost some weight, which helped a bit (ended up gaining it back), but eventually realized that what really made a difference was coming out of my shell, and being more comfortable with myself. I look people in the eye; I smile more, I let go of the irrational fear that everyone around me hated me for some reason. Low and behold, it was suddenly easier to be found attractive by more people.

 

I’m curious, OP, did you make actual contact with this German woman on the app? What transpired between you?

[MaleIntuition]

You are comming off as a whiny child not allowed into the candy store. And when mommy tells you that you need to work for your candy, you stubbornly refuse because you don’t want candy unless you can’t have it for free. Honestly I don’t understand what you want or why you are even bothering writing posts unless you have an interest in personal development?

 

A lot of people struggle with dating, you are not alone in that, but your current attitude will not get you far...

[ZA Dater]

I agree wholeheartedly. I think I used to be a bit of a corner lurker in my younger days. I was not gregarious at all, and probably walked around with a scowl on my face all the time. I was always so frustrated that men didn’t talk to me, but I gave them nothing to work with. No eye contact, no smile, etc.

 

I too went down the self-improvement route, lost some weight, which helped a bit (ended up gaining it back), but eventually realized that what really made a difference was coming out of my shell, and being more comfortable with myself. I look people in the eye; I smile more, I let go of the irrational fear that everyone around me hated me for some reason. Low and behold, it was suddenly easier to be found attractive by more people.

 

I’m curious, OP, did you make actual contact with this German woman on the app? What transpired between you?

 

She wanted to meet up and then deleted me. Even told me where she was staying

 

I have tried to be more open but still had no luck at all just the same poor matches.

[ZA Dater]

You are comming off as a whiny child not allowed into the candy store. And when mommy tells you that you need to work for your candy, you stubbornly refuse because you don’t want candy unless you can’t have it for free. Honestly I don’t understand what you want or why you are even bothering writing posts unless you have an interest in personal development?

 

A lot of people struggle with dating, you are not alone in that, but your current attitude will not get you far...

 

What attitude would that be? Work for what and what work, people keep posting this yet I have never actually seen people do any work. They go out sprout a whole load of B's and charm the heck out of people they like. Oh and they have fun. I guess one must just conform or simply accept the status quo

[Garcon1986]

Why is it so painful for you to agree to learn social charm?

[ZA Dater]

Why is it so painful for you to agree to learn social charm?

 

Because it's contrived B's. Think about it and tell me it isn't if you really believe that. I spent years going to bars and club's, all I ended up feeling was like a total missfit. Nobody was friendly and apparently drinking water is frowned upon. The guys who did have succes.

 

1 drank

2 made the most noise

3 danced

 

You know what else I realised they all want that sort of guy, all of them. You can be a kind thoughtful guy but counts for nothing. You can try and say ok let's treat ladies like ladies but it doesn't matter.

 

None of it does really unless you conforn. If you spent 20 years not confirming it's impossible to conform now.

[soyou]

This may sound rude but it’s the truth.

 

Attractive people often are attracted by other attractive people, especially on Tinder wherr look is everything you got!

 

You want to be attracted by beautiful women! So the question is are you attractive yourself? Do you find yourself attractive?

 

Back to your Tinder story, don’t beat yourself up!! That happens all the times! I’ve done that so many tines to many guys! The reason is not what you did wrong! It’s more like how I feel and what I want in that moment1) I don’t feel like to meet up anymore/ not in the mood 2) I meet someone better 3) I’m not attracted to you that much even though we matched and talked

[ZA Dater]

This may sound rude but it’s the truth.

 

Attractive people often are attracted by other attractive people, especially on Tinder wherr look is everything you got!

 

You want to be attracted by beautiful women! So the question is are you attractive yourself? Do you find yourself attractive?

 

Back to your Tinder story, don’t beat yourself up!! That happens all the times! I’ve done that so many tines to many guys! The reason is not what you did wrong! It’s more like how I feel and what I want in that moment1) I don’t feel like to meet up anymore/ not in the mood 2) I meet someone better 3) I’m not attracted to you that much even though we matched and talked

 

I am tall slim athletic. So why is it I get matched to whales? I simply want someone slim not enormous!

 

But that seems impossible.

[Garcon1986]

Well doctors have to separate their professional and personal lives. So do many other professionals like plane captains, nuclear physicists, etc. They aren't all bitter about it. I'm a lot more socially fluid amongst women than I was previously, and I have indeed won a few fake friendships, but it also won me three real girlfriends. I'm now old enough that I'm not longing to have sex with every pretty woman I meet, but I still have the determination to keep on dating.

 

 

If you want to interpret it that way, fake social charm is part of so many things in the world. You can still be genuinely you while doing that. You are just refusing to separate the two.

[MaleIntuition]

What attitude would that be? Work for what and what work, people keep posting this yet I have never actually seen people do any work. They go out sprout a whole load of B's and charm the heck out of people they like. Oh and they have fun. I guess one must just conform or simply accept the status quo

 

The attitude that you are a special snowflake - the victim: The problem is everyone else, and it’s weak to adapt.

 

You are thinking in terms of extremes. Either it’s sitting in a corner, or being the centre of attention. Most people are somewhere in between, you don’t need to be the social butterfly to simply say hi to a cute girl, do you?

[ZA Dater]

The attitude that you are a special snowflake - the victim: The problem is everyone else, and it’s weak to adapt.

 

You are thinking in terms of extremes. Either it’s sitting in a corner, or being the centre of attention. Most people are somewhere in between, you don’t need to be the social butterfly to simply say hi to a cute girl, do you?

 

Whats the point? She probably has a bf anyway. If she doesn't she won't want me because I don't meet the criteria.

 

Try fighting this for years and eventually you just ask. What's the point?

[ZA Dater]

Well doctors have to separate their professional and personal lives. So do many other professionals like plane captains, nuclear physicists, etc. They aren't all bitter about it. I'm a lot more socially fluid amongst women than I was previously, and I have indeed won a few fake friendships, but it also won me three real girlfriends. I'm now old enough that I'm not longing to have sex with every pretty woman I meet, but I still have the determination to keep on dating.

 

 

If you want to interpret it that way, fake social charm is part of so many things in the world. You can still be genuinely you while doing that. You are just refusing to separate the two.

 

No I am just refusing to be fake in any form. But hey fakery seems to work well for the dudes picking up chicks in bars and clubs.

[Garcon1986]

Refusing to be fake and refusing to learn social charm are still two different things.