I couldnt even get this right

[ZA Dater]

Tinder.

 

 

Get matched with a very pretty 22yo flight attendant from Germany, only her till Wednesday, she has a bf but she likes me.

 

 

Considering my lack of experience and the fact what I get matched with is usually so ugly I wouldn't even consider it this seemed like a fantastic idea. She event told me where she is staying.

 

 

Accept it wasn't because I got un matched. I am so angry with myself, I couldn't even get something simple like this right.

 

 

Seems pretty hopeless, every other guy would have actually got this to work. Me, I cant even do the basics it seems.

[MidwestUSA]

What is it that you didn't do? Did she invite you over? Or she unmatched you for something else - conversation? I'm not clear on that.

 

You really wanna hook up with a flight attendant (who gets around) who has a Tinder profile (looking to get around) who has a boyfriend?

 

Why?

[ExpatInItaly]

The problem isn't you, OP. The problem is that you were barking up the wrong tree with this girl. Her boyfriend probably found out she was on a dating app and she freaked and backed out.

 

Why would even bother with a girl who has a boyfriend? You can't really play the victim role when you're doing stuff like this.

[ZA Dater]

The problem isn't you, OP. The problem is that you were barking up the wrong tree with this girl. Her boyfriend probably found out she was on a dating app and she freaked and backed out.

 

Why would even bother with a girl who has a boyfriend? You can't really play the victim role when you're doing stuff like this.

 

She is here alone bf is in Germany.

[ZA Dater]

What is it that you didn't do? Did she invite you over? Or she unmatched you for something else - conversation? I'm not clear on that.

 

You really wanna hook up with a flight attendant (who gets around) who has a Tinder profile (looking to get around) who has a boyfriend?

 

Why?

 

Because I want experience.

[Andy_K]

Accept it wasn't because I got un matched. I am so angry with myself, I couldn't even get something simple like this right.

 

You think this is your fault? It doesn't work like that.

 

You matched with a pretty girl on Tinder. She gets a match every time she swipes right. You didn't get unmatched because you did something wrong, or because you blew your chance. You got unmatched because you were competing for her time and attention with every other guy she swiped on, and you didn't come out top of the pile. You shouldn't expect to, not every time at least.

 

Getting a match does not mean much. Swapping numbers and getting a date... that means you're high on her priorities and have a chance. If it fizzles out before then, don't sweat it.

[ExpatInItaly]

She is here alone bf is in Germany.

 

So?

 

It's not his location, but the very fact that he exists in her life. She is in your area temporarily. And it's Tinder. You're fishing from the wrong ponds and then whining when you don't get a bite.

[ZA Dater]

So?

 

It's not his location, but the very fact that he exists in her life. She is in your area temporarily. And it's Tinder. You're fishing from the wrong ponds and then whining when you don't get a bite.

 

 

 

Well tell me which pools I should fish from? Tourists perhaps? Backpackers? Single moms who see the gym perhaps once a decade?

 

 

You know what I realised I played by what was apparently decent always but that got me nowhere. This was probably the best opportunity I have had.

[ZA Dater]

You think this is your fault? It doesn't work like that.

 

You matched with a pretty girl on Tinder. She gets a match every time she swipes right. You didn't get unmatched because you did something wrong, or because you blew your chance. You got unmatched because you were competing for her time and attention with every other guy she swiped on, and you didn't come out top of the pile. You shouldn't expect to, not every time at least.

 

Getting a match does not mean much. Swapping numbers and getting a date... that means you're high on her priorities and have a chance. If it fizzles out before then, don't sweat it.

 

 

 

It irritates me because I quite clearly lost out, if I had said A or B or C maybe I wouldn't have. I NEVER come out top of the pile ever, well not with anyone remotely decent looking anyway.

[ExpatInItaly]

Well tell me which pools I should fish from? Tourists perhaps? Backpackers? Single moms who see the gym perhaps once a decade?

 

Single girls would be a good start. And ones who live in your area would be even better.

 

I don't get why you think you need to try to hook up with backpackers or tourists. Where is this scarcity mindset coming from, OP?

[ZA Dater]

Single girls would be a good start. And ones who live in your area would be even better.

 

I don't get why you think you need to try to hook up with backpackers or tourists. Where is this scarcity mindset coming from, OP?

 

I have not met a single girl here all year. Nor have I met one who was single and interested in me. Moms yes will kids yes but yes that's not hard to understand I am tall slim and they are the opposite.

[ExpatInItaly]

I have not met a single girl here all year. Nor have I met one who was single and interested in me. Moms yes will kids yes but yes that's not hard to understand I am tall slim and they are the opposite.

 

What kind of shot did you really think you would have with a girl who has a boyfriend, though? It's not like that would have gone anywhere. The same goes for tourists and backpackers. They're around for a bit and then gone.

 

I skimmed your other threads. You seem to stand in your own way a lot, too. People made suggestions about where to meet single girls and you refuted nearly every single one.

[ZA Dater]

What kind of shot did you really think you would have with a girl who has a boyfriend, though? It's not like that would have gone anywhere. The same goes for tourists and backpackers. They're around for a bit and then gone.

 

I skimmed your other threads. You seem to stand in your own way a lot, too. People made suggestions about where to meet single girls and you refuted nearly every single one.

 

All I want is some experience now. I have given up on the entire concept of dating. Yeah excellent suggestions for someone who doesn't drink and is an introvert.

[ZA Dater]

What kind of shot did you really think you would have with a girl who has a boyfriend, though? It's not like that would have gone anywhere. The same goes for tourists and backpackers. They're around for a bit and then gone.

 

I skimmed your other threads. You seem to stand in your own way a lot, too. People made suggestions about where to meet single girls and you refuted nearly every single one.

 

I am looking purely from a hook up point of view. I am incredibly tired of the same all bs. Never good enough, self improvement this and that. I go on Tinder and get terrible matches, maybe every 2 years I get someone who is nice looking and wants me. Inevitably though it never happens.

[elaine567]

Some women do not just go on Tinder to get dates and hook ups they go on Tinder as it is just an internet game to them. It is a form of validation and is highly flattering and an ego boost to find oodles of men being interested in her. She has no intention of meeting them as she has a bf or is busy enough IRL, hence she disappoints and flakes.

It is just window shopping, something to do to pass the time, having a look to see what is out there.

 

But even if she was seriously looking for a new bf or a hookup what made you think you had a chance with a 22yo? You are 34, not 24.

You do not have the skills and charm to wow a 22 yo, so that she discounts the fact you are 34.

Again you set yourself up to fail and surprise surprise it did not go well...

[ZA Dater]

Some women do not just go on Tinder to get dates and hook ups they go on Tinder as it is just an internet game to them. It is a form of validation and is highly flattering and an ego boost to find oodles of men being interested in her. She has no intention of meeting them as she has a bf or is busy enough IRL, hence she disappoints and flakes.

It is just window shopping, something to do to pass the time, having a look to see what is out there.

 

But even if she was seriously looking for a new bf or a hookup what made you think you had a chance with a 22yo? You are 34, not 24.

You do not have the skills and charm to wow a 22 yo, so that she discounts the fact you are 34.

Again you set yourself up to fail and surprise surprise it did not go well...

 

Despite what you may think I actually do look ok, tall slim athletic with some muscle tone so obviously she saw something she liked. I know you think I am only good enough for 150kg behemoths but they don't interest or or sorry was it out of shape single mom's.

[elaine567]

Despite what you may think I actually do look ok, tall slim athletic with some muscle tone so obviously she saw something she liked. I know you think I am only good enough for 150kg behemoths but they don't interest or or sorry was it out of shape single mom's.

 

 

Why does it always have to be extremes?

22yos who look like models or 150kg behemoths, no-one at all in the realistic category...

[ZA Dater]

Why does it always have to be extremes?

22yos who look like models or 150kg behemoths, no-one at all in the realistic category...

 

Never said she was a model but she was slim and has a pretty face. There is no middle either they are attractive or not. This was basically ba hookup nothing more, you of all people keep telling me to do that.

[elaine567]

Never said she was a model but she was slim and has a pretty face. There is no middle either they are attractive or not. This was basically ba hookup nothing more, you of all people keep telling me to do that.

 

 

I have never told you to go for a hook up.

[ZA Dater]

I have never told you to go for a hook up.

 

You keep telling me to go for people I inherently do not find attractive or like.

[5x5]

I have not met a single girl here all year. Nor have I met one who was single and interested in me.

 

You know where to find single women, the fact that you are unwilling to drag yourself to such venues, is why you don't meet them.

[elaine567]

You keep telling me to go for people I inherently do not find attractive or like.

 

 

The basic problem is that your "attractive" people are not realistic.

Most at some point realise that Miss Hottie or Mr Hunk is not for them. They realise that they are average and they need to set their sights on Miss and Mr Average, as that is where happiness and success lies. Nothing in your story suggests you are anything better than average in the dating game.

 

You haven't had that necessary mind reset, you are still of the mindset that that hot 20 something will find you irresistible, and until you are open to changing your views on that, you will always be disappointed and sad.

[ZA Dater]

The basic problem is that your "attractive" people are not realistic.

Most at some point realise that Miss Hottie or Mr Hunk is not for them. They realise that they are average and they need to set their sights on Miss and Mr Average, as that is where happiness and success lies. Nothing in your story suggests you are anything better than average in the dating game.

 

You haven't had that necessary mind reset, you are still of the mindset that that hot 20 something will find you irresistible, and until you are open to changing your views on that, you will always be disappointed and sad.

 

And a 35 yo over weight mom is going to make me happy. I'll take like for like. I am slim I want slim it's really that simple.

[ZA Dater]

You know where to find single women, the fact that you are unwilling to drag yourself to such venues, is why you don't meet them.

 

And do what? Sit in the corner with a bottle of water in my hand? Or sit there wondering what the point is?

[MaleIntuition]

And do what? Sit in the corner with a bottle of water in my hand? Or sit there wondering what the point is?

Or practise flirting with ladies? No one will notice that you are sober unless you tell them.