ironpony Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Basically in conversations with my gfs parents they will ask me questions about me like what do I do, and things about my past, but really hate talking about myself. I feel really ashamed of my past and regret a lot of the decisions I made, and I don't really like talking about my job, lack of career, goals, etc. So when people ask me questions that I don't want to talk about in social situations like that, how do I avoid answering them? I don't mind talking about them perhaps, or at least not as much, I just don't want to talk about myself, if that's possible.
basil67 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 It's very hard to avoid. For them, it's about getting to know you.... and if you want them to trust you, you need to open up. 2
amaysngrace Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 What are you doing to better yourself? That should be where you take the conversation. Everyone has something in their past that they aren’t very proud of but most people won’t want to hear every last detail about a bad time in someone’s life. Talk about what you are proud of yourself for instead. I’d be a little bent with them asking such personal questions to be honest. Congrats for keeping it respectful. 1
Author ironpony Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 Okay thanks, but I don't really have much to talk about that I am proud of though. I mean I think they are going to expect me to share more than... well to be honest i don't really have much at all to be proud of that I want to share. And what makes it worse is my gf really oversells me to them too, which doesn't help.
basil67 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 And what makes it worse is my gf really oversells me to them too, which doesn't help. Perhaps her 'overselling' is reality and you're taking an overly critical view of yourself? 1
Author ironpony Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 No I think there is a lot she doesn't know about me, and she is overselling based on positive assumption.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 No I think there is a lot she doesn't know about me, and she is overselling based on positive assumption. This is the heart of the problem - you are worried she will discover something about you she doesn't like. What is it you haven't shared with her?
d0nnivain Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 In your other thread you complain nobody supports your movie dream not here you are complaining about her blind faith in you. Pick a side. Instead of being ashamed about your past, consider that your greatest accomplishment to date may be rising above it. You will have to answer some Qs but you can sugar coat it. "I came from the wrong side of the tracks but I did x, y & z & now I'm here" Pick one or two events & make them the focus of your autobiography. In essence pretend you are making a movie about yourself. You can't include everything in 2 hours, so what are your pivotal scenes?
kendahke Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Basically in conversations with my gfs parents they will ask me questions about me like what do I do, and things about my past, but really hate talking about myself. I feel really ashamed of my past and regret a lot of the decisions I made, and I don't really like talking about my job, lack of career, goals, etc. So when people ask me questions that I don't want to talk about in social situations like that, how do I avoid answering them? I don't mind talking about them perhaps, or at least not as much, I just don't want to talk about myself, if that's possible. Sorry, no--if you're dating my daughter, you'd better figure out where your sack is and answer my questions. Otherwise, you look shady like you have something to hide and that isn't going to go over well with a parent who loves their child. They have every right to know as much about you as they can find out when you're coming for the most precious thing in their life. 3
amaysngrace Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Sorry, no--if you're dating my daughter, you'd better figure out where your sack is and answer my questions. Otherwise, you look shady like you have something to hide and that isn't going to go over well with a parent who loves their child. They have every right to know as much about you as they can find out when you're coming for the most precious thing in their life. I disagree. I trust my children’s judgment to know what’s best for them and respect them enough to allow them to each be their own person. It’s their life, not mine. Their choices may not be my own but I wouldn’t want to undermine their relationships by throwing my two cents in when they’re obviously happy with their mate. And if for some reason it doesn’t pan out then hopefully they’ve learned something about themselves and have grown from the experience.
Wallysbears Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 This is a skill you will need not only in the dating world but also if you have the aspiration to become a film writer, etc. Perhaps you should look into some local classes at a community college in public speaking and/or interviewing. IN person classes, not online. You need to build the skills to effectively communicate your worth FACE TO FACE with people. 1
losangelena Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Whether you feel like you have anything good to say about yourself, it wouldn’t hurt for you to come up with one or two lines you can rattle off when someone asks. This is how people get to know and trust you, so it’s good to be able to talk about yourself in such a way that helps them understand you more, even if you’re not super syked about where you’re at.
kendahke Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I disagree. I trust my children’s judgment to know what’s best for them and respect them enough to allow them to each be their own person. It’s their life, not mine. Their choices may not be my own but I wouldn’t want to undermine their relationships by throwing my two cents in when they’re obviously happy with their mate. And if for some reason it doesn’t pan out then hopefully they’ve learned something about themselves and have grown from the experience. I'm glad this works for you. This approach doesn't work for me.
elaine567 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Ironpony, you need to get yourself prepared, so you are ready to give solid answers when they ask. Have your answers ready and rehearse them if you feel you need to You cannot avoid it without appearing shady, sneaky or just plain odd. It is not only your gfs parents, it may be all sorts of people who will ask you about who you really are, in the future. If you want to make a good impression then you need to be ready for them. 1
RecentChange Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I feel really ashamed of my past and regret a lot of the decisions I made, and I don't really like talking about my job, lack of career, goals, etc. What are you doing to change this? Are you changing your behaviors and patterns so that you are no longer living a life full of regrets? No I think there is a lot she doesn't know about me, and she is overselling based on positive assumption. Well this is a major problem. Perhaps her parents in their wiser years have picked up on this. This is a skill you will need not only in the dating world but also if you have the aspiration to become a film writer, etc. You need to build the skills to effectively communicate your worth FACE TO FACE with people. Absolutely - especially when it comes to selling a film etc. You have to have a HUGE amount of faith in yourself, so much that it oozes from you, so much that others believe in your dream and vision and support it.
Simple Logic Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Sorry, no--if you're dating my daughter, you'd better figure out where your sack is and answer my questions. Otherwise, you look shady like you have something to hide and that isn't going to go over well with a parent who loves their child. They have every right to know as much about you as they can find out when you're coming for the most precious thing in their life. Sounds fair, when he determines where his sack is be prepared to answer how much you drink, what medications you take, does your family have health issues and financial questions to determine if you will be a burden in your old age. Sound intrusive? 1
kendahke Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Sounds fair, when he determines where his sack is be prepared to answer how much you drink, what medications you take, does your family have health issues and financial questions to determine if you will be a burden in your old age. Sound intrusive? you sound shook...
Author ironpony Posted November 26, 2018 Author Posted November 26, 2018 (edited) In your other thread you complain nobody supports your movie dream not here you are complaining about her blind faith in you. Pick a side. Instead of being ashamed about your past, consider that your greatest accomplishment to date may be rising above it. You will have to answer some Qs but you can sugar coat it. "I came from the wrong side of the tracks but I did x, y & z & now I'm here" Pick one or two events & make them the focus of your autobiography. In essence pretend you are making a movie about yourself. You can't include everything in 2 hours, so what are your pivotal scenes? Well she has blind faith in me but that doesn't mean that everyone else does. This is the heart of the problem - you are worried she will discover something about you she doesn't like. What is it you haven't shared with her? Well I came from a wrong side of the tracks, and I had some bad experiences growing up which caused me to make a lot of dumb decisions which I was my own victim for. Just decisions where I lost of money, time and opportunities in life that I really am ashamed of and don't feel like sharing. Sometimes I feel tempted to go back to being that irresponsible crazy party animal who didn't plan about tomorrow, cause then at least I wouldn't care so much maybe if I did. Edited November 26, 2018 by ironpony
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