Sassystar Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I’ve been seeing a man for a little while and we had had a very good few days. I sat next to him on the sofa his shoulder was at my cheek I laid my head on his shoulder then I bit his shoulder. I don’t understand why I had the urge to do that but I do know that it was coming from a good place. I didn’t intend to bite hard or to hurt him. He pulled back his fist to hit me but stopped short of doing it. (BTW he’s a retired ranger from 82nd airborne sonthere maybe some PTSD stuff going on) He totally took it as me wanting to hurt him and basically we ended our relationship. I feel like this happening is a blessing because if he had that volatile of a reaction when things were going so well and I did something he didn’t like, how would he handle it if things weren’t going good at all and I didn’t something he didn’t like. Also, I didn’t break the skin or cause a bruise. Anyway, I’m just curious as to why I felt the need to do that and also how would other men react to the same situatio
GinON Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I am not military but if I am surprised by pain, I tend to hit the thing that's hurting me without looking first. Its not that uncommon, perhaps men more than women? That whole testosterone combo with the fight or flight response can be hard to comprehend without the experience of both, add that to the training that guy has had and there you go. I suggest that if you want to bite someone you tell them first. "I wanna bite you!" Sounds fun to me, but some people will think your nuts! You arent crazy for wanting to though.
amaysngrace Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 You just wanted to eat him up. He should’ve understood 1
basil67 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 You just wanted to eat him up. He should’ve understood Yeah, it's like when you love the cat or the baby so much that you want to squish it in your arms. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I’ve been seeing a man for a little while and we had had a very good few days. This stuck out to me, so can you clarify: does this mean things otherwise haven't been great? There might be more to this break-up than this isolated episode. You could be correct that he was triggered and has some trauma in his past from his time in the service, but there's not much you can do if he determined it was a dealbreaker for him and ended it.
PegNosePete Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 (edited) I wonder what the response would be if the genders were reversed here? You physically assaulted him. He ended it. And you think it's a blessing because he almost physically assaulted you? How would you feel if he was the one who assaulted you first, you defended yourself, and he dumped YOU because you defended yourself?? Just because you're female doesn't give you the right to physically assault your partner. Next time don't physically assault someone if you want to keep the relationship - unless you know he likes it. Edited November 26, 2018 by PegNosePete
elaine567 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I wonder what the response would be if the genders were reversed here? You physically assaulted him. He ended it. And you think it's a blessing because he almost physically assaulted you? How would you feel if he was the one who assaulted you first, you defended yourself, and he dumped YOU because you defended yourself?? Just because you're female doesn't give you the right to physically assault your partner. Next time don't physically assault someone if you want to keep the relationship - unless you know he likes it. Exactly...
Els Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I wonder what the response would be if the genders were reversed here? You physically assaulted him. He ended it. And you think it's a blessing because he almost physically assaulted you? How would you feel if he was the one who assaulted you first, you defended yourself, and he dumped YOU because you defended yourself?? Just because you're female doesn't give you the right to physically assault your partner. Next time don't physically assault someone if you want to keep the relationship - unless you know he likes it. Huh, have you never given a love bite/hickey? It's entirely his prerogative to not be comfortable with them, but it's REALLY not physical assault in that context.... (yes, regardless of gender)
Zahara Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I was in a similar situation once. The ex and I were sitting on the couch watching a movie and out of nowhere, he bit me on the shoulder. He didn’t break skin or bruise me but at the time, it hurt and with knee- jerk reflex - I had my palm on his face and pushed him away. We argued a little and then all was fine. A love bite is one thing but to actually bite with teeth is painful. Some people like it and some don’t. It likely wasn’t his cup of tea but I don’t see it as reason to end it. I think that was drastic. Unless he was looking for a way out and used it as an excuse to exit.
PegNosePete Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Huh, have you never given a love bite/hickey? Yes, but they they were always caused by suction, not actual biting.
Els Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Yes, but they they were always caused by suction, not actual biting. Why is a surface bite (that didn't break the skin or draw blood) considered more damaging than suction that breaks blood capillaries? I mean, as I said, he is entirely within his rights to respond negatively or tell her to never do it again. But breaking up because of it is somewhat excessive, and calling it 'physical assault' is ludicrous.
PegNosePete Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Why is a surface bite (that didn't break the skin or draw blood) considered more damaging than suction that breaks blood capillaries? Because one is a slow applied force that can quite easily be stopped if it is unwanted with little or no detriment. The other is sudden, sharp pain which can't be avoided. calling it 'physical assault' is ludicrous. Biting is physical assault. That is not ludicrous, it is fact!
Timshel Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 'I'm gonna love him and pet him and squeeze him and call him George.' Of Mice and Men Your action caught him off guard op, he wasn't expecting it and I guess it hurt. Maybe there were other behaviors that also annoyed him and this was the last straw. You'll find a fellow biter one day, chin up. 1
Els Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Because one is a slow applied force that can quite easily be stopped if it is unwanted with little or no detriment. The other is sudden, sharp pain which can't be avoided. Biting is physical assault. That is not ludicrous, it is fact! Breaking someone's blood capillaries can also be considered physical assault in certain contexts. Obviously in this context, it would be called a "love bite" and would NOT be physical assault. FFS, the OP did not draw blood, break skin, or leave any marks. There was no "detriment" to him and he certainly stopped her. If a man was cuddling with a woman and nibbled on her ear in the process but stopped as soon as she told him to, would you really call it "physical assault"???
elaine567 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Breaking someone's blood capillaries can also be considered physical assault in certain contexts. Obviously in this context, it would be called a "love bite" and would NOT be physical assault. FFS, the OP did not draw blood, break skin, or leave any marks. There was no "detriment" to him and he certainly stopped her. If a man was cuddling with a woman and nibbled on her ear in the process but stopped as soon as she told him to, would you really call it "physical assault"??? Nibbling on the ear is not seen as an aggressive action nor is a love bite, a sharp bite is. Some men like some women see biting in the same way as punching or hitting ie it is an aggressive, violent assault on one's person and as such is a dealbreaker. Here he almost punched her in retaliation/defence, I guess he does not want to be put in that position again, hence he ended it.
Els Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Nibbling on the ear is not seen as an aggressive action nor is a love bite, a sharp bite is. Some men like some women see biting in the same way as punching or hitting ie it is an aggressive, violent assault on one's person and as such is a dealbreaker. Here he almost punched her in retaliation/defence, I guess he does not want to be put in that position again, hence he ended it. Maybe we need the OP to clarify what she means, because my interpretation of her post is that it was a gentle bite. "Sharp bites" will leave marks. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Maybe we need the OP to clarify what she means, because my interpretation of her post is that it was a gentle bite. "Sharp bites" will leave marks. That's what my assumption was, too. I thought she meant a little love-nibble. OP, can you clear this up for us?
basil67 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I also interpreted it as a slow bite. If it was sharp and aggressive, then my stance will change.
elaine567 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I doubt very much he would have almost punched her for a mere "love nibble". I guess it really hurt and he reacted.
PegNosePete Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I doubt very much he would have almost punched her for a mere "love nibble". I guess it really hurt and he reacted. Yes my assumption too. Also based on OP "I didn’t intend to bite hard" suggesting it was in fact a hard bite.
preraph Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 Maybe it hurt but she didn't intend it to hurt. Either way, an overreaction and yes maybe PTSD. Breaking up seems like a big overreaction. If it didn't make marks, it wasn't hard. I know this for a fact. It would scare me way more for someone to almost punch me than to give me a love bite. PTSD maybe. But if it was PTSD, I would have thought he'd be aware it was an overreaction, so just not sure. Maybe it was totally against his idea of what a woman is supposed to be like or something.
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