peterso2 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 All, I wanted to get feedback from others - I am with a girl who lives about 1 hr away. Typically we get together for dinner during the week, but on the weekends we will sleep at each others houses. It is usually alternated between both. For the last 3 months, whatever it may be, I just cannot fall asleep in the bed with her. Weather it be my bed, hers. It is just so challenging, I lay there awake. Taking melatonin might help me get an hour or two of sleep. This results in the every Sunday being trashed. It's really taking a emotional drain out of me. I will say I am looking to relocate to her area (just waiting on a job to align up). How do others cope with this?
greymatter Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 (edited) I have this problem, though I feel differently about it than you do. I am so used to sleeping by myself that when my boyfriend sleeps over, I usually don't sleep well. I really like having him there in bed with me, waking up next to him, and the intimacy of it all. I sleep relatively well on other nights when he's not there, so it doesn't bother me, it's a very good trade off in my mind. Edited November 26, 2018 by greymatter
preraph Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Is it because you're nervous? Did you drink too much alcohol or caffeine late in the evening? Would you sleep better on her couch? If so, just tell her.
smackie9 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Do you have this issue with others? I'm one of those who can't sleep with anyone. I am a trouble sleeper to begin with and nothing works...like zero. The only thing I can suggest is you go to bed first, she can crawl in when you are asleep. If that doesn't work sleep on the couch...it is what it is.
BaileyB Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I have this problem, though I feel differently about it than you do. I am so used to sleeping by myself that when my boyfriend sleeps over, I usually don't sleep well. I really like having him there in bed with me, waking up next to him, and the intimacy of it all. I sleep relatively well on other nights when he's not there, so it doesn't bother me, it's a very good trade off in my mind. Also my experience. My boyfriend has a difficult time getting a good night sleep. He does not sleep well and has left my house at 2-4 am because he could not fall asleep. Because it’s a little easier for me, I usually spend the night at his house. It is the best solution, but it is exhausting for me and it does build some resentment over time...
Gretchen12 Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I don't think there's anything you can do about it. In the past I have been the one that couldn't sleep. I've also been the one with no problem sleeping while the bf was awake all night. For some odd reason I've never had a case where neither of us could sleep (I wonder why). What I do know is that it is not the fault of the other person that you cannot sleep. I had that misdirected annoyance (both ways). You are lying awake while that snoring person is oblivious to your suffering. Next morning you're irritable.
Lorenza Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Is it possible for you to leave the room after she falls asleep and sleep somewhere else? Not in secrecy, of course. Just tell her about your problem and let her prepare a sofa or an extra bed for you in a different room. When both of you are awake, you can get back to the same room and have your morning cuddle, if you need to. I believe that sleeping in the same bed is overestimated. If someone's a tight sleeper - great for them, but many people aren't and they suffer for many years, forcing themselves to sleep with their partner just because "that's how a quality relationship should be". A quality sleep is more important.
d0nnivain Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 It always took me a while to get used to sleeping with another person. DH & I would touch lightly . . . feet or hands but not curled around each other. We also usually go to sleep at different times. Have you always had this issue with every relationship or is this girl different? Did you have problems at sleepovers or camp as a kid?
Cersei Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 Oh man this is so me. Is this a fairly new relationship? Years back in a past relationship I started to become more used to him and became more comfortable around him once the excitement slowed down. I eventually became able to sleep beside him. Basically the mind and hormones calmed down and I felt more at ease next to him. Best of luck!
Author peterso2 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 Fairly new only 3 months, maybe slept at each others houses 15 times or so total.
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