isabellaraviv Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 My ex-boyfriend dumped me about seven months ago. Circumstances had it where we had ample space from one another for a very long time. we were both each other's first serious relationship, but after about 3 weeks of us being broken up, he had another girlfriend which lasted him 4 months. He claimed he had moved on although he had done things to suggest otherwise and the way he harbors connections and emotions, it really, really shocked me that he said he had moved on. circumstances have it that we are in the same place. When he sees me, he is really excited and says hi, but it hadn't gone beyond that in a while. I asked him to sit with me at a concert and he said yes he would love to. People say they notice him noting where I am and habitually looking over at me and my friends to see what I'm doing if I'm near him. He talks to all of my friends, etc. and some people I had never met before seem to know a lot about me through him and the fact that we had once dated. I caught him alone and we talked for about 45 minutes one day...and I thought I was over him but I'm not. he didn't mention other girls or anything except to say this girl had wanted to hook up with him but he said no. The conversation was mainly centered around what had been happening our lives since we've been apart and our families, etc. he didn't seem to be in a hurry to leave or looking around or anything. He had said he wanted to be friends a long time ago, but if he wanted to be friends, he'd be actively trying to be my friend I feel like. But he's not...he's just being weird. Our break-up was pretty complicated too...so its hard to explain, but he probably feels somewhat like a jackhole. From everything that's been said, he thinks I've moved on and from friends I've heard he still has feelings, but he's never indicated it to me verbally. What do you guys think? And if it sounds like he still has feelings, how do I go about this? remember, we haven't really had a long conversation in 7 months, besides the other day, so its not like I can just go up to him and say "I realized I'm still in love with you." Link to post Share on other sites
DrunkenMonk Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 so its not like I can just go up to him and say "I realized I'm still in love with you." I completely disagree. although make sure hes the person you fell in love with in the past.. people do change even though maybe your perceptions of him dont. Link to post Share on other sites
Author isabellaraviv Posted September 13, 2005 Author Share Posted September 13, 2005 really? Hmmm... from what it sounds like, do you think I wold get shafted again by him? But yeah I agree with your statement. basically my goal is to hang out with him more to evaluate if this is even workable because I've changed a lot and I wonder if we've changed in a way where we're more compatible or less compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 Isabella, Who broke up with who? If he broke up with you then my instinct is telling me that it is his obligation to tell you how he feels and if he does not he either does not feel "love" for you and/or isn't ready to say those words again. Why would you want someone who was an ass to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author isabellaraviv Posted September 13, 2005 Author Share Posted September 13, 2005 well, he broke up with me, but the situation is very complicated. he wasn't an ass to me....its a complicated situation. But I'm sure he FEELS like one. I don't really want to go into it...but he didn't necessarily do anything wrong. as far as him telling me he loved me again...well...we haven't talked in a while and I've repeatedly told him this break-up was a good thing and that I'm glad it happened and he just has kind of said "Oh." and not really had a response to it. So from his POV I'm sure it seems like he'd get shafted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author isabellaraviv Posted September 13, 2005 Author Share Posted September 13, 2005 also...i don't know how much it is his style to do something like that. before we dated me, he was apparently in deep like with me for several months before he even said anything. After already messing up hardcore, why would you tell her you still have feelings for her if you think she's moved on and is fine with her life without you and sees losing you as a good thing? Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 you ask why isabella..........the answer is the very same reason you are considering telling him you have feelings for him......because if he feels for you the way you would like then nothing would stand in his way of letting you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author isabellaraviv Posted September 13, 2005 Author Share Posted September 13, 2005 but couldn't you argue the same way back for me? If I still had feelings for him that I wouldn't be saying I didn't and that nothing would be standing in the way of me trying to get him back...but I'm not? I don't think that necessarily holds true. so if he doesn't have feelings for me the same way I do to him, then why is he so awkward and why can't we be "just friends" even though he thinks I've moved on and no one knows I haven't, and why is he acting like this? You don't behave this way towards someone you don't really like all that much. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 ....so its not like I can just go up to him and say "I realized I'm still in love with you." Why not? Of course you can say that to him. I believe what you meant to say was: It's not like I can just go up to him & say "I realised I'm still in love with you," until I'm sure that he feels the same way about me. You don't have to say "I'm still in love with you," that's practically a given once you indicate to him that you would like to give your relationship a second chance. If you think there's a chance that the two of you could get back together, then just go for it. Tell him how you feel, but prepare yourself for rejection & prepare yourself to move on without him. It'll be far better for you & your future prospects if you just knew one way or the other. Until you do all you're doing is playing guessing games with yourself & in the meanwhile he just may find another girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author isabellaraviv Posted September 13, 2005 Author Share Posted September 13, 2005 i guess i'm not trying to be rude or defensive, but I'm wondering why else he would behave the way he is behaving if he didn't have some sort of feelings for me. I've had feelings for him for a long time and I never told him either...and I'm not going to. It doesn't mean they're not there. I'm just confused on what his behavior then indicates if it doesn't indicate any sort of romantic feelings. I've talked to lots of people who've dumped people and never said anything to them even if they still love them because they see the other person happy and moved on and seeing losing them as a good thing, which is how it has been conveyed to him very recently. hmmm, you're right blue. I guess my issue is that I want to see how we've changed and if we're even compatible because at this point I'm not certain getting back together is what is right. But its hard to hang out with him because I feel like he definately wants to and will hang out with me when I ask and goes out of his way to talk to me, but doesn't ask me to hang out, but when I ask him he always acts really surprised and excited at the prospect. I want to operate under the guise that I have moved on, but want to be friends, so I don't know what to say to him except ask him point blank if being good friends is a possibility again and taking it from there. But its...difficult. I don't want to scare him away by asking him to hang out too much...but I don't want to lose the chance if its even still there. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 I want to operate under the guise that I have moved on, but want to be friends, so I don't know what to say to him except ask him point blank if being good friends is a possibility again and taking it from there. Operating under a guise is by it's very nature deceitful. As long as you're "being his friend" with a hidden agenda you're not really being friends at all. Generally friendships don't carry that kind of baggage around with them. What's really killing you here is the uncertainty, so like I said, just be honest with the guy. If he's not interested in getting back together then the friends bit will have to put on the back burner until you get over your romantic feelings towards him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author isabellaraviv Posted September 13, 2005 Author Share Posted September 13, 2005 i guess it is deceitful...however, I don't know that anything romantic is what I ultimately want. that's what I'm trying to figure out, so I don't want to just be like "Oh hey, I want to get back together with you." when after hanging out with him, I decide I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
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