LonelyHearted Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Background: I fell deeply in love with my ex who ended things in April due to being overwhelmed with work and family issues. He took all of the blame for the breakup and said it had nothing to do with me. Just a little over a month ago I was on here asking advice on possibly reaching out to him to reconcile. I heeded the advice and remained no contact, but I obviously still have strong feelings for him. We have had zero contact since June and we are both still single (as I checked his social media—I know I need to cut that out.) More background here: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/667002-ever-good-idea-dumpee-start-reconciliation-process Current Situation: One of my best friends and I decided we are going to a fancy Christmas party in the city. It’s a big event and people dress up, etc. I bought a new dress and am excited for a girls’ night. I go to the event page on Facebook to confirm a few details and see that my ex marked himself as going. After wavering a bit, I decided that I’m not going to miss out on fun events in the future just because my ex will be there—I need to continue to live my life. I also don’t want to disappoint my friend who is excited as well. So, this means that I will see my ex for the first time in person since April and I still have feelings for him. I have never been in this situation before as my only other ex moved out of state and that was a mutual rather than a one-sided breakup. How do I handle this? Do I ignore him, smile across the room, approach him…? I want to have a game plan since I know that he will be there. I value the advice I see on here as you all have been through it. My friend is supportive, but has never been through a breakup. She is married to her first boyfriend, so her advice comes with no experience behind it.
nolanola Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 (edited) I have two thoughts about this: 1. Are you SURE you want to go? Be honest with yourself about why you want to be there. Are you really ready to see him again? I get your reasoning and that's fine, but you need to prepare yourself. I don't think he would show up and be a jerk to you or something, but what if he brings a date? Just by judging their social media you can't tell who they've been talking to. Would that break your heart? Have you ever seen that movie "500 days of Summer?" They guy breaks up with his girlfriend and is devastated but realizes he's going to see her again at a party and gets all excited about it. They show the fantasy of what he thinks might happen (they'll both show up and she will want to be with him again) versus what really happens (she's nice to him, but doesn't want to get back together and is engaged). There is no shame in avoiding someone that broke your heart. 2. If you do decide to go, one way you can handle things is to just rip the band-aid off. As soon as you see him there, walk up to him and say hi, say nice to see you, chit-chat and so on. Then go enjoy the party and let him be. That shows him that there are no hard feelings but that you're not going to stalk him all night. Let your girlfriends know about it so they can distract you. Wear something that makes you feel pretty and confident. Best of luck to you and keep us posted Edited November 25, 2018 by nolanola ETA: I say this as someone who will no doubt see my ex again in about 5 or 6 months, so I understand where you're coming from
stillafool Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 If you are going make it about you, your friend and the night. Not about your ex. Do not make a game plan as it will surely fail. If you run into him, speak to him and keep it moving. Try to stay on the other side of the room so you aren't constantly bumping into him. For all you know he could be bringing a date with him.
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Since you already have the party dress & will be looking fantastic that night, use that as the basis of your game plan. The rest is based on civility. Practice your tight lipped closed mouth fake smile & curt nod of the head. That is all the across the room acknowledgement he gets from you. If you see him headed your way, walk in a different direction. At big events like that it's easy to avoid somebody but it does take a bit of vigilance. You should radiate an aura of "this is what you gave up" meaning you ooze self confidence even if you don't feel it simply because you look so great in your party dress. If he does manage to corner you, a few seconds of polite small talk is all he gets, followed by a quick exit on your part. Don't drink too much so you keep your wits about you. The harder thing for you will be if he shows up with a date. You can't let him see that effecting you. It may be that last nail in the coffin you need to fully move on & finally give up hope. You can do this!
HumanMachine Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 I can’t think of anything worse, but if you can hold it together be confident and show him what he missed out on
darkmoon Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 what are you going to wear? dress for every man, not him there may be a new boyfriend there... be ready
Fekenaws Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 Personally, I've avoided being in the same places as my ex so long as I could help it. I've even avoided places where she might go. I don't want to be her friend, I don't want to have a cordial conversation. If she doesn't want to be my lover, shes as good as gone and so am I.
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