turtleduck34 Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now and she has depression and anxiety due to a couple things. Her household stresses her out beyond belief, they aren't physically abusive but the are mentally. She does not get along with my mom because they just have clashing personalities. She is often upset and is very clingy due to the fact that she just wants something stable that isn't going to hurt her more. And for the last 2 years I have given that too her but now she is telling me that she needs me to move in in order for her to be happy. And I am not ready to move out. I do have some doubts because she is often upset and a lot of the little things I do set her off into a tantrum. She doesn't deal with confrontation well. But there are a lot of things that are great. She loves me to no end. She's always here for me when I need her. She goes out of her way to make sure I'm happy. And I do everything I can to make her life as comfortable as possible. I sleep over at her house when my parents will allow me too instead of moving in and I am always here for her. It is just hard sometimes when it seems like whatever I am doing is not enough to make her happy and it scares me. I guess all I am looking for is some advice about what to do...
Garcon1986 Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Can you clarify a few things for us: - you are currently living with your parents? - she is currently living with her parents, who stress her out? - she's looking to live in a separate household with you? - she doesn't deal well with what sorts of confrontation specifically?
Author turtleduck34 Posted November 25, 2018 Author Posted November 25, 2018 I am 19. She is 18. I still live with my parents. I am currently in community college right now and transferring to a 4 year university for engineering soon. Yes she still lives with her parents who love me She does want to move into a separate house but financially that is unrealistic for the north of us. Her parents said they would be happy to have me in their house. But honestly I'm not sure how I feel about it. She has a hard time when people are telling her what to do. If I disagree with her she gets into a bad mood that takes a long time to shake.
Marc878 Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 At this time don't tie yourself down to her. You're moving away. Seems like a lot of drama to take on at 19. I'd be thinking about my future. It's more important than a gf at your age
Garcon1986 Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Your GF isn't in the right for being annoyed when people tell her what to do, but that's really par for the course for 17-25 year olds. I wanted to prove my independence at that age. If you really like her, I would suggest maintaining a long distance relationship and see where that goes. You will see how well the both of you stand up to the challenges of college and grad school, and then know much more about her. Remember not to shower her with nice gifts - it's the idea that counts. And there's no substitute for building yourself and establishing your reputation/ income/ career. No GF is allowed to trip you up on the way to your career. You really like this lady - so keep it up long distance and give it a go. It seems like you have some tough but solvable problems right now.
smackie9 Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 This has codependency written all over it. Don't go there for her....if she wants an adult relationship she needs to stand on her own two feet and deal with her situation at home on her own and not use you as her answer to her problems or it will become very unhealthy. 1
SunnyWeather Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 This has codependency written all over it. Don't go there for her....if she wants an adult relationship she needs to stand on her own two feet and deal with her situation at home on her own and not use you as her answer to her problems or it will become very unhealthy. yes. and I'll add that you are enabling her bad behavior. you are at an age where your focus should be on your career/education. it doesn't sound like all her drama/demands/entitlement supports your goals, and are a huge distraction. you will be in a world of hurt if you take on being her care taker. put your foot down. she's an adult, not a child. stop allowing her to emotionally high jack you with her tantrums. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Your young love was fun while it lasted. As you progress toward heading to the 4 year school you are steps closer to outgrowing her & your relationship. She's pressing for a deeper commitment because she knows you & she are coming to an end & she's trying to avoid that. If you give in to her pie in the sky unreasonable expectations you will sabotage your future. I'm not saying break up now. I am saying don't move in, especially with her parents, or change your plans to go away to school. When you get to the 4 year school you will understand that she's holding you back & the distance will make it easier for you to let go of her.
Juha Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 I do not understand why you are in this relationship. Sounds like a lot of work and drama for you with minimal return. At this stage of your life unless it is the perfect situation and relationship why are you tying yourself to this girl who has many issues? I know you care about her and it seems like very much but the return you get back from her relationship wise is minimal for what you put in. Know you do not want to hear this but this relationship is not good for you, it is holding you back and causing you undue stress. I know you do not want to hear this but you need to do what is best for you and this relationship is not that. I am sure she is a nice girl and is nice to you but her baggage is immense. At your age and situation it is not something you need or should deal with. I say you need to move on, she needs to get lots of therapy and get herself right. Then maybe you two could have another go at a good, healthy relationship I wish you luck
bathtub-row Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 She's plenty old enough to get a job and move out of that environment, or put herself through college. If she can't pull that off on her own, then it's not your responsibility. Here's one thing I really worry about. Because she's so desperate, she could very well get pregnant on purpose in order to keep you tied to her. This would be devastating for you and your future plans. You have way too much going for you to let yourself be tied down to this kind of situation. Please don't let guilt or misplaced devotion interfere with your life. I can't tell you how much you'll regret it. Once you go off to college, you'll likely meet far more interesting people and far more independent women. You have a whole lot of years ahead of you. This isn't about being selfish, it's about being self-protective. 1
Purrrfect Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 You are young and shouldn't be in a serious relationship esp if you are not ready. Your GF Is very clingy and needy which is very typical for being 18. You both are young. I would never move in with someone parents. If you don't like where all this is going then you need to end it.
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