Ana-no Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 Hi guys Well a little about me first: I’m a Male in my early 20s. I’m a door to door salesman . I have lots of confidence with people and I think I’m excellent with communication. My problem comes with women who I am interested in. I’m not sure what it is that’s really affecting my confidence with women. As overall I’m a confident guy. Yesterday was a good example. I seen a pretty hot girl at the train station. We locked eyes and she looked generally interested. We ended up both getting on the train and off at the same stop. I said to myself if she gets off at my stop, I’ll introduce myself and just see how it goes. As it turns out she got off at my stop and I kinda wimped out of it lol. I kind of like a co-worker too. With how work has gone we have to share a hotel room for 3 weeks. But again I have no idea how to go about it or anything with her lol. Plus it’s a little awkward as I’m British, she’s from Africa so I don’t even know if she likes white guys lol. Just looking for general advice really. Thanks
DyannB Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Well... it sounds to me like you're probably feeling intimidated by women you find attractive. Many men do. Men are often taught to try to "get" something from women... in small and large ways. I would suggest just having fun. Women are people and just want to be treated normally, fairly and with respect like anyone else. It sounds like you are a great salesperson. Most of the salespeople I've met tend to have excellent people skills and can connect quickly through good conversation and humor. Just talk to her. No expectations. No agenda. Just saying hi to a nice looking lady. Try not to worry about rejection. If you're just being friendly and she doesn't respond favorably... well, you never know what someone else is dealing with. Just move on. Don't judge her or yourself. There's too much about Life we will never know. It's always best to head in a positive direction. Take care and much luck. 1
Garcon1986 Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Flirting with a woman you fancy is a different skill than selling a product - you are looking for an attractive woman's approval. Practice makes perfect. I am in the Bible Belt of the US, where most women would pay an arm and a leg to be with a genuine British man (I only grew up in London, I'm not ethnically British haha). Show genuine interest with simultaneous escalation (meaning mild and appropriate touching). Practice and improve. That's what the dating superstars do.
DyannB Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Flirting with a woman you fancy is a different skill than selling a product - Not really.... the point is connection... this guy goes door to door for crying out loud... he HAS to be confident. I'm guessing the only reason he clutches with women is because of the internal pressure he puts on himself. Just have fun... if and until it turns to something more serious. You can do this...
Lotsgoingon Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Selling to relative strangers ... whose opinion you don't take personally is totally different than approaching women whose opinion you totally take personally. There are lots of professions where people "wear a badge" that gives them the confidence to take risks and do tasks that others would find intimidating. I worked in the news industry and that job, that identity, gave me license (actually required me to do so if I didn't want my editors screaming at me) to approach people and ask them lots of questions. But away from the job, there is no "badge," approaching people is very different. Lots of politicians who can draw huge crows and lots of performers who can draw huge crowds ... are also shy ... and even have anxiety when interacting with people outside their performances ... And these folks are lucky--in that they're famous ... OP, set the bar lower ... Approaching a woman you see on the train ... dude, save that for the advanced-level confidence ... I have mixed feelings about whether such approaches are very productive anyway. How about saying hello to women you see ... and starting a little conversation ... and here's where you can steal from your job. I'm sure you do the small talk as part of your selling ... Same with talking to people ... start with the small talk and notice who you really like talking to ... and who seems to enjoy talking to you ... then you extend the small talk. Then you add in more personal information over time ... Right now, you're like an out-of-shape person who is criticizing himself for not running in an ironman event instead of setting a goal of getting out and walking everyday ... or getting to the gym 4 days a week.
Jamess1 Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Hi guys Well a little about me first: I’m a Male in my early 20s. I’m a door to door salesman . I have lots of confidence with people and I think I’m excellent with communication. My problem comes with women who I am interested in. I’m not sure what it is that’s really affecting my confidence with women. As overall I’m a confident guy. Yesterday was a good example. I seen a pretty hot girl at the train station. We locked eyes and she looked generally interested. We ended up both getting on the train and off at the same stop. I said to myself if she gets off at my stop, I’ll introduce myself and just see how it goes. As it turns out she got off at my stop and I kinda wimped out of it lol. I kind of like a co-worker too. With how work has gone we have to share a hotel room for 3 weeks. But again I have no idea how to go about it or anything with her lol. Plus it’s a little awkward as I’m British, she’s from Africa so I don’t even know if she likes white guys lol. Just looking for general advice really. Thanks I have helped men 20 times worse than you...tried to send you a private message but not working...I have links to material that can help you.
Gretchen12 Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 I suppose you wanted advice from other men? I'm a woman so I'm on the receiving end of being approached by men in public. In certain locations (big city in the US) it can happen several times just over a weekend. So there are a lot of men doing that, and women are used to it. This is what I see they do. 1. They don't make eye contact first. They come out of no where. I'm minding my own business and suddenly the guy is already in front of me talking to me. I'm guessing they didn't think about it? Or they don't want me to think about it? Or I'm just oblivious. 2. They don't ask for my number. They ask me out right there, either go get a coffee right now or something else at a fixed later time. Why make the process two-part? Why collect numbers? He's not sure? And if a stranger asked me for my number I would say no. I don't want to just be available for him to contact when he decides. It seems the make eye contact to gauge interest then ask for number then wait a few days then call, is really outdated. It's what you read men used to do in the last century. Women are a lot more independent now. In response the men who are out there meeting women in real life are very direct. You don't need to be confident, don't analyze, just get right to the point.
elaine567 Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 We used to have a guy on this forum who did a lot of cold approaches in the UK city he lived in. He said that he would need on average to cold approach 50 women to get one proper serious date. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Weaving a connection out of thin air with a stranger is an incredibility difficult thing to do. Don't beat yourself up for not being able to talk to the woman from the train. If she was a woman at a party, I'd give you other strategies. If you take that train often, keep your eyes peeled. Maybe you will spot her again. Then you can talk to her. 1
alphamale Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 many men are very confident in some areas (work, intelligence, etc) of their life and totally not confident with women and dating
smackie9 Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 lock eyes? That's when you acknowledge them with a wink or a smile or a nod and wait for the reaction, that should give you enough confidence if her respond is positive.
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