Not sure how I should handle this

[GigiAlfonsi]

Okay, I'm going to do my best to keep a long story short

 

So I stared dating my boyfriend back in our Senior year of highschool. Things were really good at first. He was my first serious boyfriend. Sex was good. We were chilling.

 

About 6 months into our relationship, I caught him messaging chicks online in a more provocative manner. I was stupid and let it go. I proceeded to catch him an additional 2 more times within another 6 months. Don't ask why my dumb self didn't just call it quits. I think about that a lot now... I probably should have. I was young and in love, blah blah blah.

 

So after catching him the last time, I was like.. I dont feel like having sex with you. So it was kind of a punishment for awhile. Well during this little no sex period, I started having health problems. I spent so much time at doctors offices trying different things to figure what was happening. Finally I was diagnosed. So going into our third year of dating, its been a little over a year since we had sex. Which didn't seem like a big concern because we were both genuinely worried about what the heck was going on with my body.

 

*Important thing to note:

At this point, he moved in with me and we work together.

 

It took a few years to get my health issues sorted out. Sex was kind of put on the back burner. I was going to the hospital multiple times a week and spending a lot of nights there. It just wasn't something I was worried about. Finally, my condition was stabilized and all that was going back to normal. So its been a solid 3 years now since we had sex and at this point, I don't even want to have sex. My boyfriend does and tries too often, but I just wasn't feeling it anymore.

 

So I went on a trip with my friends and that really changed things for me. I came back home pretty miserable to return to normal life and it made me extremely unhappy with my relationship and life in general. We went through a rough patch for about 6 months. Always bickering and me getting annoyed by him all the time. As time went by, things got better. Still no sex but we were getting along better.

 

UNTIL I left for another trip for 6 weeks. I sadly didn't miss him at all and hardly thought about him. I even cheated on him twice. Which is so unlike me. I had sex with 2 different guys. I didn't even know I liked sex anymore, I guess I did.. just not with my boyfriend. The worst part is I didn't even feel bad about it. So I got home from the trip. I didn't tell him that I cheated on him and I was even less content in my relationship than when I was after my previous trip.

 

We still not have had sex for about 4 years and thats most of our relationship at this point and I have 0 desire too. I really do care about him and I love him... I just don't know if I'm in love with him. It's really difficult because I'm pretty sure his feelings are still the same. Like I said, he lives with me, so a break up will be complicated. He can tell something is off and often makes jokes that I'm "going to break up with him" which I try to respond to in a funny yet serious way because I do think about it. Which he instantly gets upset by... so I don't know how to even remotely talk about the topic without him getting too emotional. I plan to leave for another extremely long trip soon and I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should suggest an open relationship or a break or just flat out break up.

 

It's not fair to him. I don't give him the love he deserves because other than being annoying, forgetful and messy... he is a funny, outgoing, very attractive, loving and talented guy. He gets along with my family well and we have a lot in common. Im just so sad to hurt him if I leave him. We have been together 5.5 years now and I feel like we just started dating too young and are growing in different directions. Or maybe the love just really isn't there anymore.

 

Any opinions on how I should handle this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Edited November 27, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for PII

[El Duendecillo]

Guess it should have been very clear where your story was headed when reading what you really think about your boyfriend. Typical cheater logic.

 

Do him a favor and end this sham relationship. Then he can find someone that actually wants to be with him.

[d0nnivain]

Oh boy.

 

Where is he going to live when you break up? You have to break up with him but you can't just throw him out.

 

As soon as he finds out you have been unfaithful, he will walk away so it's not like you will have a choice in the break up just give him some compassion when you break the news.

[nolanola]

I'm trying to be understanding to your point of view here, because I've been in a relationship that I outgrew. I also wasn't very nice to him and broke his heart. Unfortunately, I later realized I wanted him back and by then it was too late. I deeply regret how I treated him, so I guess I can see your dilemma.

But you're being unfair to him by treating him this way. Does he have a place to go if you guys break up? Because I think you need to come clean with him as soon as possible. You guys have a long history together and he deserves that from you.