Isle Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 How do you get over the feeling of having nothing to offer? I broke up with my ex 13 months ago and have been single ever since. I lost my home, my job and a whole load of confidence. However, I now feel as though I'm at a point where I'd like to try dating again. The only problem is, even though I'd like to find someone else, I have this nagging doubt in my mind that I have nothing to offer. I'm a med student who has had to move back in with his parents. I'm on the wrong side of 30...and, unlike when I met my ex (we were together 8 years), I don't have a flash car or vast sums of money to spend on meals out, presents etc. I'd love to find someone to just have a laugh with, watch a movie, go out for drinks etc, but I just can't get over this feeling of having little to offer another person. I've never felt this conflict before; I never thought I'd have to date again. Has anyone had similar feelings? How did you challenge them? Isle.
smackie9 Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 There are plenty that are in your position, there is someone for everyone. Have to weed out the ones that are looking for long term/serious. They are the ones that are wanting someone financially set for marriage and babies. Go casual dating with no expectations just a nice time out, makin friends.
carhill Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 Humanity is who you are, stuff is lifestyle. Strip away all the stuff and if one still loves and respects themselves as a human, good to go. If others don't love and respect them, that's their truth. One's existence doesn't depend upon the judgement of others. People like to think they can socially control others, sure. If one loves themselves and is good with their life choices, other humans become far less at the forefront of daily living. How do you get over the feeling? One tool is focusing on one success each day. Doesn't have to be something life-shattering or world changing. Keep it simple. Even if the rest of the day ends up crap, focus on that success. One day at a time.
Gretchen12 Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 So when you did have a flash car and house and a job and money, what did you have to offer a woman back then? Don't tell me it was those things. 3
smackie9 Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 I think if you have life goals already set, you can find someone that is doing the same thing. You two can work at it together as a team. Use the power of positive thinking....positive thinking and confidence in yourself attracts. 1
Garcon1986 Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 As a medical student do you really think it's accurate that you have nothing to offer a prospective lady? Can you explain why you think you have nothing to offer? 1
zouz71 Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 you will be lucky to find someone to date you bec of your personality , not because u r wealthy
smackie9 Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 you will be lucky to find someone to date you bec of your personality , not because u r wealthy His personality is just fine...it's his stinky attitude about himself is holding him back.
grays Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 You don’t have to offer expensive meals and gifts. Last year for my bday my boyfriend got me a pomegranate, some skittles, packets of açaí to make smoothies, and a couple of other odd little things like that meant something to us in the context of our relationship. I think it was maybe the best gift I ever got. This year, different boyfriend, all I got was a happy bday text with a smilie emoji — I loved it. lol I know he was/is thinking about me and it made me feel good. I’m probably more relaxed than most about those sorts of things, but I can’t be the only one. And if you fall for someone who’s not all about the material things you can provide, just think how fun it will be to give her an extravagant gift in ten years when you’re done with school and have dug yourself out of the hole you’re in now. A laugh, movie, drinks with someone I have chemistry with and feelings for is pretty much all I want. Sounds like bliss to me. If you can offer that and you’re nice and affectionate, I think you’ve got plenty to offer. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 A med student has a lot to offer. Right now you need to work on your self confidence. Perhaps talk to a counselor at school/ Focus on your academic achievements & hang in there
Garcon1986 Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 I work with people in the residency match mate, if you are like any of the other type A go getters I am friends with, you have these things to offer: 1. You are a type A personality, so you are very unlikely to forget all the big things your future wife wants you to remember. 2. You might not be an alpha male, but not every doctor is an alpha male. We need kind and gentle men in medicine just as much as we need orthopedic surgeon bros. 3. You have done a tremendous amount of work to get into medical school. Not any old geezer can be snapped up from Loveshack and get into medical school. That's a feather in the cap for when its time to have kids or make big decisions with your wife. 4. If you know anything about pediatrics, you already know a lot more than many first time mothers. You've got knowledge ready to bring up a kid. Pediatrics is the best specialty by the way, because I am one. 5. You have learned the ability to fake it till you make it in patient interviews. Remember all those patient care and empathy classes we take? 6. You can be on call and survive it. Just like with a fat 3 month old who's up crying at night. 7. You know about how to stay healthy better than 90% of the population. A woman wants a healthy man, and if you are lucky, a buff and hot guy. 8. You can stand up to criticism by your preceptors, just like you can stand up to emotional tests from a woman. 9. You can pick up a big project and complete it. That big fat MCAT was a doozy to study for. 10. You are a man of your word. Here are so many things that women long for in a mate - you only have to look at the breakups section on Loveshack to see what sort of ridiculousness is going on across the world dating stage. Play your solid cards mate.
Author Isle Posted November 24, 2018 Author Posted November 24, 2018 So when you did have a flash car and house and a job and money, what did you have to offer a woman back then? Don't tell me it was those things. Good question. I could probably write a long answer, but I'll keep it short. My confidence and sense of humour were the main things. The rest was trivial. The thing is though, I doubt most women would want anything to do with someone who lives with their parents. That's the sticking point for me.
Garcon1986 Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 You don't have to tell a woman on the first encounter that you live with your parents. Not all women ding you for living with the parents, especially if you have a real job lined up soon. If you feel this is a significant downside, then work towards a rental apartment of your own.
Purrrfect Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 If your are a Med student that does buy you some leniency. Are you on track to finish in time? I don’t know how old you are but the only possibly deal breaker is living with your parents. I’m way too old to date someone living at home esp when I have my own house I work my ass off for. A younger woman who is also working on her goals probably would be more accepting of it
grays Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 Just being a doctor or future doctor is a big plus for you. I’m sure there are gold diggers who would love to latch on. But even for those of us who aren’t interested in marrying money — there is something automatically sexy about a doctor. I love to be taken care of (must be balanced by acknowledging that I can take care of myself, thank you very much, lol) and the couple of doctors I’ve been involved with have made me feel so safe. And there’s something really sexy about that. I was dating a radiologist for a while and he had this crazy set up in his dining room where he had all these fancy looking screens and computer that he used to look at and report on xrays and what not. It was so sexy to watch him work. And one day I walked in and looked at one of those pics on his screen and said “why are these kidneys different sizes?” and he acted impressed that I saw it (probably just trying to make me feel special but I went with it, lol) and then we looked at a bunch of, I don’t even know what, MRIs maybe? And talked about what we saw. It was really fun. And sexy to see your guy doing his thing. Anyway, his doctoring got him a whole lotta points with me.
Lotsgoingon Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Write down a list of your strengths. You have to believe in your strengths ... It's easy to be criticize ourselves when we are financially in a tough spot. But remember, there are plenty of people out there who are just looking for someone who is enjoyable to spend time with. And you're on your way to becoming a doctor? How can that not be a major strength? If you have trouble writing out your strengths ... then think of all the things that interest you ... hobbies ... books ... movies ... plays ... sports ... all of those interests are points of similarity to people out there.
damni Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Well why do you want a woman who is just interested in you because of your money? One day, when you finish med school you will be in a good job. Do you want a woman by your side who was willing to be with you through the low points? that is a true, genuine partner.
ktmiller222 Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Don't be so hard on yourself! You are in med school! I stayed at my parents until I was in my mid 30's. There are lots of people in the same boat. If people are after material things, they are not the person for you or anyone else for that matter. You will find someone who likes you for you. Good luck!
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