Gold22 Posted November 23, 2018 Posted November 23, 2018 Of course as soon as I know my interest level is dropping I will tell her immediately not even wait 5 minutes. Tell her "I've had a fun time up until this point. I have just now fallen out of love. I don't know what happened. It's my problem. I am sure many guys would die for the opportunity to go out with you and commit. Take care of yourself".
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2018 Posted November 23, 2018 It's a little abrupt. Try something softer like "I just don't see this going anywhere. Best wishes." 1
introverted1 Posted November 23, 2018 Posted November 23, 2018 Of course as soon as I know my interest level is dropping I will tell her immediately not even wait 5 minutes. Tell her "I've had a fun time up until this point. I have just now fallen out of love. I don't know what happened. It's my problem. I am sure many guys would die for the opportunity to go out with you and commit. Take care of yourself". If this is happening on a regular basis, I'd guess that you are confusing lust or limerance with "in love." Better than figuring out how to tell her you've fallen out of love would be to not talk of love at all until you are sure of your feelings. 2
SunnyWeather Posted November 23, 2018 Posted November 23, 2018 Of course as soon as I know my interest level is dropping I will tell her immediately not even wait 5 minutes. Tell her "I've had a fun time up until this point. I have just now fallen out of love. I don't know what happened. It's my problem. I am sure many guys would die for the opportunity to go out with you and commit. Take care of yourself". with all due respect, making such snap, cold judgements will bite you in the rear end some day. depending on your level of involvement with someone, there will be times one doubts if it's the right one, this is a normal part of the getting-to-know you process and making rational, measured decisions. if you are going to just discard people whom you had feelings for so easily, you will find yourself a very lonely person. oh, and please drop the patronizing attitude of "I'm sure many guys would die for the opportunity" blah bla 2
Author Gold22 Posted November 23, 2018 Author Posted November 23, 2018 with all due respect, making such snap, cold judgements will bite you in the rear end some day. depending on your level of involvement with someone, there will be times one doubts if it's the right one, this is a normal part of the getting-to-know you process and making rational, measured decisions. if you are going to just discard people whom you had feelings for so easily, you will find yourself a very lonely person. oh, and please drop the patronizing attitude of "I'm sure many guys would die for the opportunity" blah bla The whole point is to tell her as soon as I know I am losing interest. Waiting even 5 minutes would be stringing her along and dishonest and wasting her time. 1
smackie9 Posted November 23, 2018 Posted November 23, 2018 Just warn them you fall out of love pretty quickly, so they are taking their chance. 1
Gretchen12 Posted November 23, 2018 Posted November 23, 2018 I am sure many guys would die for the opportunity to go out with you and commit. Not this. Here you are projecting your own insecurities. There are plenty of people who do not make an association between being turned down and their self worth, AT ALL. Most people just keep it simple. It's really not a big deal when you date and it doesn't work out.
Author Gold22 Posted November 23, 2018 Author Posted November 23, 2018 (edited) Not this. Here you are projecting your own insecurities. There are plenty of people who do not make an association between being turned down and their self worth, AT ALL. Most people just keep it simple. It's really not a big deal when you date and it doesn't work out. It is not about trying to reassure the other person of their self worth. It is more about acknowledging that I am a lucky guy to even have a chance with her. It is the truth most guys would do anything to have the opportunity I have and I decided to throw it away anyway. It is like being lucky to get that promotion and I decline the opportunity when other employees would die to even have that opportunity. So it is all in how you interpret it. You interpret it as me projecting my own insecurity on a woman. I interpret it as me acknowledging that "I don't know how to appreciate the privilege you gave me to even go out with you but many other guys will". Truth is going out with a woman is a privilege that she can take away at any moment. I am being honest about not appreciating the privilege she has to offer me. Maybe it is better to just say "I don't know how to appreciate what you have to offer". Edited November 23, 2018 by Gold22
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2018 Posted November 23, 2018 The whole point is to tell her as soon as I know I am losing interest. Waiting even 5 minutes would be stringing her along and dishonest and wasting her time. Not really. Say you are out with the person & start to lose interest. To blurt out what you said is too much. First take a deep breathe & see if you are simply annoyed momentarily. Then possibly cut the date short & speak up as you drop her off or part company. You don't have to announce every thought that pops into your head as it happens. A short delay until you are not in public is being courteous.
Lotsgoingon Posted November 23, 2018 Posted November 23, 2018 What is the time frame here? You tell someone this after what ... three months of exclusive dating? Three years? What's the time frame ... And you do NOT want to tell someone that you have fallen out of love based on a 5 minute feeling. 1
Author Gold22 Posted November 23, 2018 Author Posted November 23, 2018 (edited) What is the time frame here? You tell someone this after what ... three months of exclusive dating? Three years? What's the time frame ... And you do NOT want to tell someone that you have fallen out of love based on a 5 minute feeling. If not 5 minutes then how long? Where do you draw the line to where it turns into wasting her time after X amount of time has passed? Is it 1 day? 4 days? 1 week? It is common for women to take 2-3 months to break up with someone after they fall out of love. They put alot of thought into it. I think 2-3 months is too long. I would rather know right away the very second she falls out of love with me. There's no telling how many dating opportunities a person can miss in 2-3 months. Edited November 23, 2018 by Gold22
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2018 Posted November 23, 2018 When you are certain that it's not just a passing thought you can speak up. Have some sensitivity about it. Nobody falls in or out of love in the blink of an eye. 1
Author Gold22 Posted November 23, 2018 Author Posted November 23, 2018 When you are certain that it's not just a passing thought you can speak up. Have some sensitivity about it. Nobody falls in or out of love in the blink of an eye. But again how long does it take to be certain? What if it has been 24 hours?
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2018 Posted November 23, 2018 People operate at different speeds I don't know you so I don't know your speed but I would think at least 24 hours. It requires you to be thoughtful so I would advise that you at least sleep on it. 1
snowboy91 Posted November 23, 2018 Posted November 23, 2018 If not 5 minutes then how long? Where do you draw the line to where it turns into wasting her time after X amount of time has passed? Is it 1 day? 4 days? 1 week? It is common for women to take 2-3 months to break up with someone after they fall out of love. They put alot of thought into it. I think 2-3 months is too long. I would rather know right away the very second she falls out of love with me. There's no telling how many dating opportunities a person can miss in 2-3 months. But how would she know if it's just a rough patch, or actually falling out of love? That 2-3 months is a crucial time for her to work out how she is really feeling about the relationship and whether it can continue. If everyone ran the minute they thought they fell out of love, no relationship would ever make it past the honeymoon period. In hindsight it took me over a year to leave my last relationship after I fell out of love. I really regret that majorly, but knowing what I know now it would still take me a couple of months to try and salvage the relationship, before I ultimately decide it's not worth saving. As others have said, you don't want to make major decisions about a relationship based on an immediate feeling. 1
Highndry Posted November 24, 2018 Posted November 24, 2018 Based upon what you've posted, it doesn't sound like you're ready for love. As others have indicated, it ebbs and flows. You don't have the patience to make sound decisions, you are engaging in rash decisions. This isn't going to bode well for your future if you don't stop to take a good look as to what's driving your impulsivity. 1
Rocker71 Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 (edited) NOOOOOOO! Say this to her. She'll understand it perfectly. Say " I think we should just be friends for now". No more. No less. No explanation is needed. That is the one and only thing that comes out of your mouth she'll ever understand completely. Edited November 27, 2018 by Rocker71 Huh?
Sunlight72 Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 Of course as soon as I know my interest level is dropping I will tell her immediately not even wait 5 minutes. Tell her "I've had a fun time up until this point. I have just now fallen out of love. I don't know what happened. It's my problem. I am sure many guys would die for the opportunity to go out with you and commit. Take care of yourself".Wow. This is not a video game. If you are certain you lose interest in someone "immediately not even wait 5 minutes", then you were not interested in her as a person in the first place. And if you think one can "fall out of love" in less than 5 minutes, then you have no concept of what love is. Love is not a mystical spotlight that shines from heaven as the angels sing. Love is a fondness we choose to nurture with kindness and patience. Love lasts through months, and sometimes years of not seeing or speaking to the one we love if separated. A parent does not stop loving a child when they leave home for summer camp, or when they leave home to start their own home. A loving spouse does not stop loving their partner when one goes on a 4 day work trip and they feel annoyed to find a pair of dirty socks on the bathroom counter. A friend does not stop loving their friend when they go away for college and leave the borrowed car low on gas. Love takes time (minimum of months, perhaps 4 to 10 months) to develop in the beginning, and is maintained and nurtured through many, many small meaningful acts and words. It is not like a rain storm that begins falling suddenly, and stops suddenly through no action of the people involved. You sound like you have an understanding of attraction and relationship based on a 12 to 14 year old perspective of social life and romance. That only works for a 12 to 14 year old - after that it is inappropriately immature and shallow.
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