What to make of this? 1 week of NC with crush and I broke to message her

[suckerforlove]

Hey All,

 

So I have been in NC mode with a girl who is in college and needs to focus on her studies due too much stress on her now + her dark past/depression state + family issues...anyway...so today I broke my NC for 1 week, I had to because she was in mind 24/7. So, she is an introvert also and rarely makes first contact...I have been thinking to contact her to break all contact due to her not reaching out to me even though we left things on a good note.

 

Before texting her today I had a 6th sense to send her a song to show her my feelings and so I sent her "Beautiful" by Bazzi ft Camila Cabello...

 

Here are the texts with time stamps!!:

 

me: listening to this rn... (youtube link to song) 9:18pm

 

her: Hold up. 9:18pm (within 5 seconds she replied)....!!!

her: Don't chat sxit. 9:19pm

 

me: fr 9:19pm

 

her: holy sxit this is scary 9:19pm

her: I've literally had that on all day 9:19pm

 

me: ? 9:19pm (literally confused at this point and actually believing that my 6th sense was real)....!!

 

her: Wallahi this is so scary 9:19pm (we're muslim btw hahaha)

 

me: hmm strange 9:19pm

 

her: Do you not find this scary (crying emoji) 9:20pm

 

me: I called that a brainwave (LMAO emoji) 9:20pm

 

her: I was actually thinking about you because you randomly came in my brain. This is all creepy (crying emoji x2) 9:20pm

 

me: haha, that only really happens with my bro or sis, like I will think of something and they would say it 9:24pm

 

end of convo, she hasn't seen my last message...

 

why did she say it was creepy? surely its a sign that we have sparks flying and can feel each others presence from 30mins drive away from each other... she literally replied within seconds, I said to myself if she replies in 10 seconds after this 1 week NC then surely she has been waiting for me EAGERLY! I could feel her wanting me text her that EXACT song! but am annoyed that she said its "CREEPY"

 

Someone give me light on this... I love this girl and have really got to know her in 3 months, haven't met but she agreed to meet already so the ball is in her court for that.

 

 

What do I do now? 1 week NC again until her college and life settles down so we can meet?

 

HELPPPPPP:lmao::lmao:

Edited November 23, 2018 by suckerforlove

[suckerforlove]

Anyone????

[d0nnivain]

How do you know this girl? Is she someone you can ask on a date? If not, you best leave her alone because what's the sense of having a crush but doing nothing? If she's far away at school, now as exams are starting, she has no time to begin a relationship. At college an LDR with somebody far away never works out because there are too many distractions at school.

 

The timing of her text replies is meaningless. If you were having a face to face conversation you would speak & she would reply with no time lag. You happened to catch her at a moment when she had free time & her phone in her hand. It was not serendipitous.

 

Her use of the word scary & creepy is also a very bad sign. A college educated woman has a large vocabulary. She said scary & creepy because the coincidence had negative connotations to her. She was not happy you contacted her but she was too polite to ignore you.

[suckerforlove]

I have already asked her on a date and she said YES, and I also I asked her if she liked me and she said YES, I asked are you sure and being serious she said YES....but because she has to get a triple distinction this year and has told me her social life will be non-existent due to a lot of work on her plate from college (uk college I am talking about)...so I have put the ball in her court and will wait when things are a little "less hectic" for her and see what she does..

[d0nnivain]

If she already told you that she likes you & she had agreed to go on a date with you why on earth would you go NC? In essence that is you giving her the silent treatment as punishment for not picking you over her school work! Are you daft? Seriously if you like her, do not insult her or be mean to her. That won't help.

 

Speak to her occasionally, not every day. Be kind, warm, gracious & supportive. Dumping the ball in her court is no way to advance a relationship. Of course do not make a pest of yourself. No daily texts. Don't expect her to prioritize you over school. But to reach out every so often, not more then once a week. You can of course respond if she reaches out more often but do let her set the pace because she is the one with the busy schedule.

 

As exams heat up, send her a study survival kit: some highlighters, a good pen, some snacks, a pack of index cards for making flashcards, a few peppermints because studies have shown that peppermint enhances memory, etc. Include a hand written note wishing her well on her exams.

Edited November 23, 2018 by d0nnivain

[suckerforlove]

She asked for space so I gave it to her and told her I am here when she wants to talk, thats all, this was on last Friday and just yesterday I had a 6th sense to just message her with a song and voila she responded within 5 seconds... and now that would be creepy if I start sending her stuff I have not met her in person yet so why would I do that?

 

The thing is she said she hates social media like snapchat and instagram so why is she still on them? She deleted me on snapchat when I asked her why she needed space but she also said you have my number, text me when you need me...

 

She has had an abusive ex in her last relationship too...

 

So I guess I should take my time with her and not be too available like I have been. One message will be sent to her replies, that is it.

[d0nnivain]

So I guess I should take my time with her and not be too available like I have been. One message will be sent to her replies, that is it.

 

That is a good plan. Don't be smothering. Let her come to you. Act like a man not a doormat.

 

Unfortunately having read your other thread: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/669592-girl-wants-time-sort-herself-out-abusive-ex-stress-college-family-life her statements about this being creepy & scary have more context. Dude you are frightening this girl! You are too old for her. You are overwhelming her. Calling her & telling her you were thinking about her & this song was WRONG. She wants you to back off. You better do that before some combo of her father & or the police come after you.

Edited November 23, 2018 by d0nnivain

[suckerforlove]

wow, you have it sooo wrong.

 

1 - I did not call her or smother her!

2 - She is over 16 which is legal in the UK...

3 - I have not been inappropriate in anyway with her, just been getting to know her...

 

My god!

[d0nnivain]

It is not about what you think you did. It's how she perceives you.

 

At 18 if some 25 year old guy was contacting me & I asked him to back off, yes I would find any additional contact by him to be smothering & inappropriate. She had told you she needs space so give it to her. Unfollow her on all social media; never contact her 1st let her study. Do NOT send her the exam box I previously suggested.

 

I am not suggesting she's not over the legal age of consent. I am straight up telling you that you are coming close to harassing her & she worries you will stalk her. Both harassment & stalking are illegal.

[suckerforlove]

you've clearly taken this well of context... she never told me to go away or back off. She told me to contact her by text if I need her... what don't you understand? JEEESSUUUSSS!

[Mrs._December]

you've clearly taken this well of context... she never told me to go away or back off. She told me to contact her by text if I need her... what don't you understand? JEEESSUUUSSS!

Your whole first post with all that gibberish text is completely nonsensical. You just expect everyone to KNOW your whole situation based on that vague, misspelled, block of text and when they don't tell you exactly what you're hoping to hear, you lash out.

 

Quite honestly, the way this thread is laid out, it makes zero sense to me and I give d0nnivain credit for even TRYING to comprehend it and offering her advice (even though you gave her hell for not understanding it). I just see a bunch of disjointed thoughts and words and a whole lot of anger from you that no one can read your mind and give you the correct response. Ugh.

 

Therefore, since you only want to hear that this whole thing of sending her some music link was KISMET just because she was online right at that very moment you sent it, then ok. It was kismet. A completely serendipitous occurrence that can only mean one thing - your love is forged by the stars and was meant to be.

[ExpatInItaly]

Have you ever met her offline, OP?

[suckerforlove]

Look, before insulting me and my intelligence maybe try understand my view point. This girl has had an abusive ex so I am finding it difficult to understand what she means in somethings. Now, recently due to me ignoring her she replies within a few seconds if I message her. She has a lot on her plate and so I want to leave her alone to focus on her studies. What is wrong with that? I didn't lash out at d0nnivain but when you insult someone or think bad on what I am doing then its not right... The girl does like me but maybe has a bad way of showing it?

[suckerforlove]

Not yet, simply because she wants things to settle down in her life but she has given me her word that she will figure out when to meet, although I have taken that with a pinch of salt. So lets see?

[I'veseenbetterlol]

She asked for space so I gave it to her and told her I am here when she wants to talk, thats all, this was on last Friday and just yesterday I had a 6th sense to just message her with a song and voila she responded within 5 seconds... and now that would be creepy if I start sending her stuff I have not met her in person yet so why would I do that?

 

The thing is she said she hates social media like snapchat and instagram so why is she still on them? She deleted me on snapchat when I asked her why she needed space but she also said you have my number, text me when you need me...

 

She has had an abusive ex in her last relationship too...

 

So I guess I should take my time with her and not be too available like I have been. One message will be sent to her replies, that is it.

 

She is playing you. If she won't give you the time of day, why are you going to be there at her convenience? I might sound cynical or unsympathetic, but I've been in your shoes. I was very stressed out by a guy who wanted space and time to do his own thing. He ended up completely ignoring me and was pretty nasty when I tried to find out what was going on.

 

If a girl isn't available for any reason, date other women and forget about the unavailable ones. When I left my 1st bf, I wasn't ready to handle dating, so I didn't date. I never ended up leading anyone on or making excuses, I just kept myself away completely. Up to you, but for your sake I suggest not having any hopes at all and maybe going NC again. This kind of dating is not healthy, a person either wants you or doesn't.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

you've clearly taken this well of context... she never told me to go away or back off. She told me to contact her by text if I need her... what don't you understand? JEEESSUUUSSS!

 

 

Space 99% of the time means back off and leave me alone. Been in that situation and ended up getting lead on.

[Amethyst68]

Is she actually allowed to date?

 

I live in the UK and my girl Muslim friends in college/university were definitely not allowed to date, they would never be permitted to meet up with some random man they met on the internet. The boys had more freedom, or it was perceived to be that way.

 

As I got older this would be the same with the Muslim girls/women I work with.