HumanMachine Posted November 21, 2018 Posted November 21, 2018 The lack of ambition, the mood swings, the violent outbursts, the constant worry, the feeling of wasting time, the kick in the stomach feeling after every argument, the minimum wage job, the non existent financial skills, the debt, having to drive everywhere, having to constantly do her ‘favours’. All gone. I am free, I am well paid, young and good looking. I have no commitments and I can do/go wherever I want. Why is my mind not happy that I’m rid of this person? One stress seems to be replaced with another. Is there something wrong with me? Should I see a psychiatrist?
Million.to.1 Posted November 21, 2018 Posted November 21, 2018 How long were you two together and how long ago did you break-up? And who made the call to end the relationship? All these are factors in where you are currently at. She may have had lots of problems and incompatibilities with you but There was obviously good things as well. You may just miss the company and other things associated with being in a relationship. Time will help.
Author HumanMachine Posted November 21, 2018 Author Posted November 21, 2018 How long were you two together and how long ago did you break-up? And who made the call to end the relationship? All these are factors in where you are currently at. She may have had lots of problems and incompatibilities with you but There was obviously good things as well. You may just miss the company and other things associated with being in a relationship. Time will help. On and off for 2 yrs, split up 3 months ago. She cheated. I’ve dated better looking girls with 100 x what she has in terms of ambition etc. but I just can’t forget this girl for some stupid reason
basil67 Posted November 21, 2018 Posted November 21, 2018 How long has it been since this latest breakup with her? What stress has replaced the ones you had when you were with her? What are you actually feeling right now?
GoreSP Posted November 21, 2018 Posted November 21, 2018 I can totally relate. Today hit hard after a breakup (Monday) that originally left me relieved. (Backstory) Even if it was a toxic relationship for you, it is still a loss. You developed habits and your brain got used to this person and it is now freaking out without them. I hope you feel better soon. 1
Author HumanMachine Posted November 21, 2018 Author Posted November 21, 2018 How long has it been since this latest breakup with her? What stress has replaced the ones you had when you were with her? What are you actually feeling right now? 3 months but with contact, up until 2 weeks ago. I just feel empty and frustrated with myself that I wasted so much time and money on this person. Yes time and NC will eventually heal me, I’ve dealt with much worse emotional stress than this. I guess I’m just trying to understand this empty feeling, what should I fill it with? I can totally relate. Today hit hard after a breakup (Monday) that originally left me relieved. (Backstory) Even if it was a toxic relationship for you, it is still a loss. You developed habits and your brain got used to this person and it is now freaking out without them. I hope you feel better soon. Thank you, I will read your thread now. Stay strong x
Gretchen12 Posted November 22, 2018 Posted November 22, 2018 Sometimes the bad relationships are the hardest to let go. That's because the bad ones forced you to invest more into it. When you invest heavily in something, whether it's a person or a work project, what you've done is increase it's value. When it starts to fail, you invest more to keep it viable. The more you put in, the harder it is to walk away. Giving has higher stakes than receiving. That's why after you've given a lot in a difficult relationship or project, you have more to lose. Best thing was to walk away early, second best is to invest but later cut your losses, worst scenario is to keep going until you're emotionally bankrupt. 6
Million.to.1 Posted November 22, 2018 Posted November 22, 2018 On and off for 2 yrs, split up 3 months ago. She cheated. I’ve dated better looking girls with 100 x what she has in terms of ambition etc. but I just can’t forget this girl for some stupid reason Based on this comment I assume it's more to do with ego - which would have taken a bit of a hit due to her cheating, and totally natural. You seem to not think very much of her value and see yourself and other woman as better, therefore, her betrayal makes you question your own value. You'll work through it pretty quick I think. Also, Gretchen's comment above is spot on. Even if the relationship wasn't all bad.. just not right, we keep investing and it's harder to let go of. It's a good insight.
FMW Posted November 22, 2018 Posted November 22, 2018 I love Gretchen's post! It's a great explanation and a warning to not over-invest in future relationships. As to why you are hung up on this particular girl, who we really fall for doesn't usually make much sense, it's not about the best looking, the most successful, etc. It's about chemistry and connection. Those things usually come out of the blue and can't be predicted or explained.
anika99 Posted November 22, 2018 Posted November 22, 2018 Also when someone takes over your life and fills it with drama, when all that drama and dysfunction stops, you actually miss it. Intellectually you know that drama and dysfunction is bad for you and that you shouldn't miss it but when it comes to a sudden halt, it leaves a big void in your life. Don't despair, it will take a little while for you to fill your life up again with normal things and it will take some time before you are happy doing normal healthy things, but you will get there. Don't mistake these temporary unpleasant feelings as love for your ex. You don't need a psychiatrist, you just need to ride it out. 1
Malin889 Posted November 22, 2018 Posted November 22, 2018 3 months is not that long at all. Just remember that you didn’t know her 3 months ago, the drama wasn’t there 3 months ago, so just remember your life 3 months ago.
Malin889 Posted November 22, 2018 Posted November 22, 2018 Sometimes the bad relationships are the hardest to let go. That's because the bad ones forced you to invest more into it. When you invest heavily in something, whether it's a person or a work project, what you've done is increase it's value. When it starts to fail, you invest more to keep it viable. The more you put in, the harder it is to walk away. Giving has higher stakes than receiving. That's why after you've given a lot in a difficult relationship or project, you have more to lose. Best thing was to walk away early, second best is to invest but later cut your losses, worst scenario is to keep going until you're emotionally bankrupt. That’s a good way of putting it! Also I think there’s investing in a good relationship then there’s investing in drama...investing in drama is way more exhausting and investing in a good relationship is way more rewarding
GoreSP Posted November 22, 2018 Posted November 22, 2018 3 months is not that long at all. Just remember that you didn’t know her 3 months ago, the drama wasn’t there 3 months ago, so just remember your life 3 months ago. They broke up 3 months ago after 2 years on and off.
Author HumanMachine Posted November 22, 2018 Author Posted November 22, 2018 Some fantastic posts in this thread. Thank you all so much.
Author HumanMachine Posted November 25, 2018 Author Posted November 25, 2018 In a moment of weakness I tried to call her. She’s changed her number. I feel upset and I want to talk to her, but realistically this is a huge blessing. This weather is depressing me immensely, cold grey mornings and dark at 4pm, perfect weather for snuggling up with a partner, awful for heartbreak. How has she messed my head up so much
nolanola Posted November 25, 2018 Posted November 25, 2018 Be kind to yourself. I agree with what so many people have said here. When something so all consuming leave your life it leaves a huge void. Even if eventually it will be a good thing, it still feels empty. I think a lot of us have been in these types of toxic relationships and have had a hard time letting go. Please trust that when you give it time, IT WILL GET BETTER. I promise. I was at my lowest point ever about 9 years ago with an ex that cheated on me, yelled at me, pushed me, picked fights with me, and made me feel so small. And I couldn't end it -- he had to break up with me! I was so depressed for about a year because I had to see him flirting with other girls, dating other girls, and seeming to be so happy. All while I held onto hope that he would come back. Finally, I got the kick in the butt I needed and went full NC. It took probably almost a year before I started getting better, but it happened. Now, 8 years later, I wouldn't want to see him. I completely got over him and believe me when I tell you I did not think that would ever happen. You can do it. Stay NC and try to fill that void with other things. This will start to happen naturally as time goes on. But try to find other things (exercise, a hobby, friends, etc) that bring you happiness.
Author HumanMachine Posted November 25, 2018 Author Posted November 25, 2018 Be kind to yourself. I agree with what so many people have said here. When something so all consuming leave your life it leaves a huge void. Even if eventually it will be a good thing, it still feels empty. I think a lot of us have been in these types of toxic relationships and have had a hard time letting go. Please trust that when you give it time, IT WILL GET BETTER. I promise. I was at my lowest point ever about 9 years ago with an ex that cheated on me, yelled at me, pushed me, picked fights with me, and made me feel so small. And I couldn't end it -- he had to break up with me! I was so depressed for about a year because I had to see him flirting with other girls, dating other girls, and seeming to be so happy. All while I held onto hope that he would come back. Finally, I got the kick in the butt I needed and went full NC. It took probably almost a year before I started getting better, but it happened. Now, 8 years later, I wouldn't want to see him. I completely got over him and believe me when I tell you I did not think that would ever happen. You can do it. Stay NC and try to fill that void with other things. This will start to happen naturally as time goes on. But try to find other things (exercise, a hobby, friends, etc) that bring you happiness. Thank you so much. Your post has helped me.
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